«Puberty is for me ...»

LARA, 16

"I remember my early puberty because I got my period when I was 12. That's when I suddenly became interested in clothes, how I looked and whether I should wear make-up. And that's also when the discussions with my parents started, especially with my mum.

We had a lot of stress at school, she was constantly reminding me to do my homework and study, even though I just didn't feel like it. I think she really wanted me to go to cantonal school and do my A-levels. But studying just wasn't my thing. I started an apprenticeship as a childcare specialist in the summer and I really like it. She now accepts this well.

But it used to be a horror. I'd rather hang out with my friends than pore over books. School meant a mega bollocking. If I came home with a C, there was terror. Today I know that a little help with planning tasks and homework can't hurt and is sometimes even necessary. I wanted to have fun, nothing else. When things got too colourful for me, I packed a suitcase and left. Just a few streets away. I'd sit there and wait for her to come and pick me up again.

Today I'm a different person. I earn my own money, I think that's cool. When we argue now, it's about smoking, for example. My mum doesn't like the fact that I smoke a cigarette with my colleagues from time to time, but my dad smokes too, so they can't forbid me to smoke cigarettes. Especially as I have it under control. In general, I think parents should worry less and just have confidence in their children. And stress less about school."

MINA, 47, MOTHER OF TWO CHILDREN, 15 AND 17 YEARS OLD

«Three years ago, my daughter needed her first bra. So we went shopping in the city. By bike. But I was ten metres behind my daughter. That was her condition. And in the shop, she called me by my first name.
At home, she told me that she didn't want to be seen with me under any circumstances, and if she was, then in such a way that I wouldn't be recognisable as a mother. I was the biggest "shamer» for her. I had to swallow a few times.
Even today, she is still super embarrassed when we travel by train together, for example, and are seen by her colleagues. She asks me to change compartments.
The fact that I suddenly became something like non-existent sometimes gets to me. You're no longer important, you feel small. Suddenly the child who was just small says to you: «Go away! I don't want to see you anymore», and physically pushes you away. That's very hard. Everything you've achieved as a mother over the years is no longer worth anything.
What saves me is my work as a secondary school teacher. I know how important it is for children to set themselves apart during puberty, and I recognise mood swings and rude comments. Otherwise I would certainly have fallen into a hole.
Now that they're a bit older, I find it very stressful to let the children go, close my eyes and just think: «It'll be fine». Even if I can see what they are about to get into. But I know they have to make mistakes in order to find themselves."