PING! The madness of parent chat on WhatsApp
I recently lost my mobile phone. Since then, I've missed being able to take a quick look at my calendar or spontaneously type something on my shopping list. What I don't miss is the insistent ping when a new WhatsApp message arrives.
Falling asleep for a relaxing midday nap? Ping! Child tells you something important from school? Ping! Finally found the time to kiss your husband? Ping! Just taken a shower? Ping! And I almost always jump up. It could be something important.
The group chats for parents generate a phenomenal number of pings. And a new group opens every month: Class chat with the teacher, parent chat without a teacher, gymnastics chat, «mums go out» chat ... There are discussions everywhere.
The teacher sends us photos of the hike. Ping! Laughing children, muddy trousers - wonderful! I love getting pings like that. But then we set off. «Enjoy it...», says Mummy Superschnell. Twelve other parents send «WOW!!!», hearts, smileys. PingPingPING! «No, really now? And we have to sit in the office?» writes Dad Super Funny. The laugh-me-to-death smileys, LOLs and grinning devils from the rest of the parents follow immediately. Pingeldipingping, 37 new messages.
Do I have to answer? I don't want to «ghost» as my teen calls it.
Do I have to answer now? Hasn't everything already been said? But I don't want to «host» anti-socially in the chat, as my teenager calls it - just be a silent reader. So I send a quick thumbs up!
It immediately pings: «VERTIPPT???» «No, I think that's really good. Pure nature!» I ping back. And send the winking smiley for good measure. It always fits.
It's quiet for five minutes and I finally turn my attention to the offline world when a personal WhatsApp message from my mum's neighbour pings: «Hi Ulrike, our hamster has just died. All the children are crying and you think it's good? Even if Fluffy's death was natural, you could be more empathetic. Greetings.»
Oh no. Phone search, read WhatsApps thoroughly for a change ... crap, crap, crap - I posted in the wrong parent chat.
Images: Montage and Pexels.com
And now what? Apologise via WhatsApp: «Sorry - too many children, too many pings - too old for this madness»? Or would I rather buy a new hamster?
No matter what I do, I'll always be the hamster hater in the chat. But I like hamsters. I sympathise with them. I think the nocturnal animals probably feel just as comfortable with diurnal children as I do in chat groups. Rest in peace, Fluffy. I want to die too.
I ask the expert for advice: our teenager
I ask the WhatsApp expert I know best: our teenager. It's pinging round the clock with him. «Mum, it's not so bad. Now you'll get a round of dissing, everyone will think you're shit and someone will probably kick you out of the chat. Tomorrow you'll be back in and they'll be discussing something completely different. It happens to everyone.» That's comforting. But I'd still like to escape this madness.
«I don't go to group chats any more than I go to group sex.»
A courageous neighbour
I tell my good friend at the playground how great I think it is that she consistently doesn't ping along. Living true values! She pulls me behind the tree and hisses at me: «Don't tell anyone that. Of course I whatsApp with individual friends - but I don't go to group chats any more than I go to group sex». I understand her so well.
So I make plans: nobody really needs to know about my new smartphone, which my teen is currently configuring for me. At least not a chat group. I wonder if I can keep it up.
About Ulrike Légé
More about WhatsApp
- Why we always have to reply IMMEDIATELY on WhatsApp. A teenager explains.
- What parents should know about WhatsApp and discuss with their children. And: what safer alternatives there are