Patchwork: Our theme in October
Patchwork lovers have to live with this. They have to accept what you can't really accept as a lover: that they will never come first. The children and the ex-partner were always there before. That's exactly what often makes it so difficult," writes psychologist Katharina Grünewald in her book «Glückliche Patchworkpaare» (Happy Patchwork Couples). In other words: patchwork is complicated, because patchwork remains patchwork.
Our author Virginia Nolan was therefore forewarned. And needed a particularly long breath for the search for colourful families. Many of those she contacted explained their refusal by saying that there were ex-partners in the background with whom things were not going well, or that the children's wounds had not yet healed. Where no emotional problems stood in the way, their request failed due to organisational feasibility: too many people involved, too many agendas to coordinate. «Anyone who has failed with their first family is under scrutiny with their second,» says Ria Eugster, a family coach with her own patchwork experience, explaining the reluctance. «You don't want to expose yourself too much. If things are going well, it's better not to wake sleeping dogs. And if not, you certainly don't want to publicise it.»
In the end, our author found the participating families in a roundabout way. We would like to express our sincere thanks to them - for the open conversations and the deep insights into their everyday family life. What makes it easier for children to start out as members of a patchwork family? How do patchwork couples manage to maintain their love? You can read our dossier «New love - new happiness?» here.
If the interview with Frank Köhnlein doesn't shake you up, you're beyond help on earth. What the child and adolescent psychiatrist from Basel told my colleague Evelin Hartmann is difficult to digest. It's about scratching, burning, hitting - about young patients who hurt themselves. «Nothing relaxes those affected as quickly as self-inflicted pain,» says Köhnlein. Read our monthly interview to find out why more girls than boys are affected and how parents should react if they discover scratch marks or even cuts on their teenager's forearms.
«Many have taken on the shame of their parents» is the title of our interview with Nadia Kohler . The sex educator argues in favour of a relaxed, holistic approach to the topic of sexuality. And in doing so, she places particular responsibility on fathers. When asked at what age you should educate your child, the expert answers: «Ideally ...» Oh no, I'm giving too much away, read for yourself.
My last recommendation is for the text by our columnist Mikael Krogerus and his plea for reading and reading aloud . «Reading is actually everything in life. If you read, you can fly. If you read, you go further. And those who read are never lonely.»
Beautiful, don't you think? I wish you a good flight with this magazine.
Yours sincerely
Nik Niethammer
