Out of the corona blues with stubbornness!
Author Ulrike Légé has been in isolation at home for several weeks now. In a previous article, she describes 10 tips on how to keep a cool headduring family isolation.
For a few days now, I've had the feeling that my life is slipping away from me a little more every day. Decisions are being taken out of my hands, my freedom is being restricted. Working alone and in peace in the morning after everyone has left the house? No more! Letting the children play with a bunch of friends in the afternoon? Irresponsible! Sitting with my husband in the evening in our favourite café on the village square? Forbidden! Enjoying a shopping spree? Impossible!
I don't even organise things myself any more, I just react to what's going on out there. I try not to get lost in the whirlwind of new information and contradictory demands: Please print out work plans for homeschooling, help stressed children - but don't forget my own deadlines! Please shop infrequently - but don't hoard! Please enjoy the fresh air - but don't get too close to anyone! Please stay at home - but don't get cabin fever!
And a grey corona veil is slowly covering my days. I'm already dog-tired by lunchtime, but I still have to work. My head is pounding, I don't want to read any more, I don't want to listen to anyone else, but I can't just «shut up shop» as a working mum. Don't get me wrong, I know that every new restriction has its purpose and I'm sticking to it. But it's bloody exhausting. At the beginning of the crisis I was shocked, then I went into frantic activism to organise our new everyday life. Now it's running reasonably smoothly and I'm feeling the coronavirus blues.
The way out of the corona blues
The only way out of this is through my stubbornness. No, I'm not talking about stubbornly barbecuing on the banks of the Rhine again. But rather to give my new, suddenly very different life my own meaning again. No longer just reacting to everything that is dictated to me from the outside.
I need to give myself a few colourful, self-designed spaces in this grey, restricted, isolated existence. Make room for small projects of the heart instead of just ticking things off my to-do list. I don't want to and can't tidy up the garage, distribute fresh mothballs or clean out the children's cupboards right now. What I really want to do is finally start some sourdough. Or to grow seedlings for the garden in an old egg carton and invent a fantasy story for my children.
It takes a certain amount of defiance. I have to consciously decide against some things that would certainly be more sensible. I need my common sense right now in order to implement all the new rules of behaviour and to be able to cope with the demands of the coronavirus crisis. But even if I'm already 48 years old: My sanity is not enough for 24 hours, seven days a week!
Just working is not possible!
The other night in bed, the image flashed through my mind of how I left home at the age of 19 with henna red hair, a leather jacket that I had saved up for with great effort and shorts that were far too short. I threw myself into a colourful university life and then almost dropped out of university to become an actress. Somewhere inside me she still lives, the colourful, lively, defiant, stubborn Ulrike. The one who loved to give reason and what you have to do the middle finger. She gives me strength.
There are now some things I really have to do. I've learnt that over the last 30 years. Probably learnt far too well and threw the baby out with the bathwater. But now, in the midst of family self-isolation during the coronavirus crisis, I'm realising that I can't just function! I have to become headstrong again and act like it. In the very small areas where this is feasible without risk. In very small steps, without stressing myself out even more.
Psychologists tell us that self-efficacy is an important source of resilience. We feel this when we become active ourselves, experience ourselves working and creating, and realise it: I can create something even in this situation. Something that gives my life colour, pleasure and meaning again.
And a sourdough, a seedling, a story should be able to do that? For me, yes. For other people, there are certainly completely different images that give them the courage and strength to be stubborn. Completely different projects that finally trigger a feeling of «wanting to do it» in you again. No matter what the images, ideas or projects are, pursue them now and realise them! Defiantly, stubbornly, in small steps and flexibly.
Our children now also need more freedom to be stubborn. Even if they make a mess of themselves and our home in the process. Constantly hearing «You're no longer allowed to do this - but now you have to do that!», constantly only functioning in crisis management is something we adults can hardly stand. Simply saying yes helps. Yes to what our children really want to do as often as we can. Yes, you can build a cave under the dining table! Yes, we'll eat dinner in it! Yes, we'll go on a night hike afterwards! Their desire often infects us.
Stay headstrong and become self-effective. Even if - no, precisely because it's not half as sensible as organising our coronavirus family life perfectly! We still need staying power. We need to be able to catch our breath and open the windows. Every moment that we actively and wilfully organise, no matter how small, allows fresh air into our stuffy lives.
Read more about corona:
- Isolated at home for weeks - what can help?
Closed schools, e-learning, working from home: our author Ulrike Légé is at home with her three children. For over a week now. Here are her 10 tips on how to keep a cool head during family isolation. - Good online offers against the corona pandemic
School, zoo, museum - they're all closed. Online offers for families are increasing day by day. We have picked out the best ones for you and are constantly adding to them.
- School closed: stress test for parents and school staff
All Swiss schools have been closed since 16 March 2020. Since that day, parents and school staff have been in crisis mode.