Only invite the twin sister?

1 question, 3 opinions
Our daughter, 8, would like to invite a twin girl from her class to her birthday party, but her sister does not. I understand this and don't want to talk her into it. However, the twins' mum thinks this is very unfair. Is there a diplomatic solution? Diana B., 39, Elm GL

What our team of experts says:

Nicole Althaus Diplomatie ist meist mit einem Kompromiss verbunden. Warum will Ihre Tochter denn die Zwillingsschwester nicht einladen? Wenn sie nicht nett zu ihr ist, müssen Sie die Entscheidung Ihrer Tochter respektieren. Liegt es aber an der Maximalzahl der Gäste, empfehle ich einen diplomatischen Kompromiss: Überzeugen Sie Ihre Tochter davon, beide Zwillinge einzuladen und erlauben ihr für ihr Entgegenkommen, die Geburtstagsrunde um einen weiteren Gast freier Wahl zu erweitern.
Nicole Althaus
Diplomacy usually involves compromise. Why doesn't your daughter want to invite her twin sister? If she's not nice to her, you have to respect your daughter's decision. However, if it is due to the maximum number of guests, I recommend a diplomatic compromise: convince your daughter to invite both twins and allow her to add another guest of her choice to the birthday party in exchange for her concession.
Stefanie Rietzler Sie stecken in einem klassischen Entscheidungsdilemma: Was Sie auch tun, jemand wird unzufrieden sein. Eine diplomatische Lösung gibt es hier nicht. Es liegt an Ihnen zu entscheiden, ob der Wunsch Ihrer Tochter Ihnen wichtiger ist oder das Empfinden der Zwillingsmutter. Ihre Tochter wiederum muss damit rechnen, dass entweder beide Zwillingsschwestern nicht kommen werden oder die eine sauer auf sie sein wird – und sie muss sich fragen, ob sie das in Kauf nehmen möchte.
Stefanie Rietzler
You are faced with a classic decision-making dilemma: whatever you do, someone will be unhappy. There is no diplomatic solution here. It's up to you to decide whether your daughter's wishes are more important to you or the feelings of the twin mum. Your daughter, on the other hand, has to reckon with the fact that either both twin sisters won't come or one of them will be angry with her - and she has to ask herself whether she wants to put up with that.
<img alt="Peter Schneider No, there is no diplomatic solution. Let me illustrate it with a joke: A woman comes to the rabbi. «I have a rooster and a hen,» she says. «I have to slaughter one of them. If I slaughter the rooster, the hen will be offended, if I slaughter the hen, the rooster will be offended.» The rabbi thinks for a long time, then says: «Slaughter the rooster.» The woman is indignant: «But then the hen will be offended!» The rabbi thinks again for a long time, then decides: «So slaughter the hen.» «But then the rooster will be offended.» «Well,» replies the rabbi, «then let him offend himself.»«» src="https://www.fritzundfraenzi.ch/uploads/2021/08/1f126620026fafd56825fe466a2bd119.jpg» />
Peter Schneider
No, there is no diplomatic solution. Let me illustrate this with a joke: A woman comes to the rabbi. «I have a rooster and a hen,» she says. «I have to slaughter one of them. If I slaughter the rooster, the hen will be offended, if I slaughter the hen, the rooster will be offended.» The rabbi thinks for a long time, then says: «Slaughter the rooster.» The woman is indignant: «But then the hen will be offended!» The rabbi thinks again for a long time, then decides: «So slaughter the hen.» «But then the rooster will be offended.» «Well,» replies the rabbi, «then let him offend himself.»


Our team of experts:
Nicole Althaus, 51, is editor-in-chief of magazines and a member of the editorial board of "NZZ am Sonntag", columnist and author. She initiated and managed the mum blog on "Tagesanzeiger.ch" and was editor-in-chief of "wir eltern". Nicole Althaus is the mother of two children aged 20 and 16.
Stefanie Rietzler is a psychologist, author ("Geborgen, mutig, frei", "Clever lernen") and runs the Academy for Learning Coaching in Zurich.
www.mit-kindern-lernen.ch
Peter Schneider, 62, is a columnist, satirist, psychoanalyst, private lecturer in clinical psychology at the University of Zurich and visiting professor for the history and scientific theory of psychoanalysis in Berlin.
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