One mum, two dads

Marc, 37, and Matthias, 33, wanted to have a child. The male couple got together with Sonja, 39, for this purpose:

"Matthias always knew that he wanted to have children; he was the driving force. When we were ready to have children, we had various options. It was clear that we didn't want to take on the role of godfather, but wanted a model that would give us the same rights as the child's mother.
It was obvious for us to partner up with a woman. We think it's important that our child has a mum - but that doesn't mean that we think other models are any less good. We first looked around the internet for a co-mum and then met up with women. That was fun, but it didn't work out. We got to know Sonja through friends - or rather, we got to know her even better. We had organised a student party together years ago. It quickly became clear that we had similar values and family concepts. Nevertheless, we took our time to get to know each other, met up regularly and travelled together to see how the three of us worked. The most important thing for us was to gain Sonja's trust - after all, half of our child would be living with us.

«Our son is growing up in two partial families»

Marc and Matthias

After just over two years, we decided to take the plunge. Together, we drew up a family contract that set out how we wanted to proceed. When we told our families that we were going to be fathers, they were a bit taken by surprise, but they were delighted.
Our son recently turned one year old. The fact that he is growing up in two separate families presents us with a few logistical challenges, but we are coping with them quite well. We don't have to do everything exactly the same in terms of parenting, the important thing is that we share the same core values. As partial families, we are still practising finding the right balance between closeness and distance. Sometimes, for example, you have the feeling that you now have an in-law family. That's nice, but sometimes also exhausting."

Sonja is glad that she has found Marc and Mathias:

"My desire to have children was so strong that it had always led to disagreement in my previous relationships. I'm very lucky to have found like-minded people in Matthias and Marc. It took almost four years from the idea to the birth. My biggest dream came true with our son. When I was pregnant, I moved in opposite Marc and Matthias. Physical proximity is important for our son, and our family contract stipulates that we will maintain it as long as he is a child.
Marc and Matthias lovingly accompanied me through the pregnancy and were there for the birth. I was allowed to move in with them for a fortnight after the birth, which was lovely. We opted for alternating care, in other words a 50:50 model. In the beginning, it was difficult for me to give up the baby. Marc and Matthias were very understanding. I then visited them more often and went round to breastfeed.

«Three parents can take the pressure off each other, which also benefits the child.»

I am now very happy with our family model. The three of us can take the pressure off each other in the best possible way, which not only benefits the individual, but also the child. Those around me were delighted when I became a mum. When a pupil in my school class asked why my baby had two fathers, another child said quite naturally: «Well, because both dads love the baby!» What a beautiful and plausible explanation."

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