«No matter how stupid a child acts - it has a right not to be beaten»
«Hello, that went well,» says the blonde woman, whose face fills almost the entire screen. It's a Tuesday morning in December 2020, the federal government's recommendation is to work from home and interviews are largely conducted digitally. Like this conversation with Sophia Fischer about domestic violence, a topic that the psychotherapist is not only concerned with during the pandemic. She is employed by the canton of Basel-Stadt and heads up the «Initial interventions after domestic violence» project. «I hope the technology doesn't let us down, we're not so well equipped at home,» says Fischer at the start of our conversation. But the interview goes smoothly, as we realise an hour and a half later.
Mrs Fischer, how often are you confronted with violence against children in your day-to-day work?
When the police are called, it is because of couple violence. But we know that in 30 to 60 per cent of cases of couple violence, violence against the children also occurs. But most parents don't talk about it when the police arrive because they are ashamed or afraid that their children will be taken away from them.
Surely the children don't talk to the police either.
That's right. The children find themselves in a major conflict of loyalty and cannot talk openly about what they have experienced. However, there are boys and girls who are affected and who confide in other people such as teachers, school social workers or friends. In these cases, the violence comes to light.
A study by the University of Fribourg, which was commissioned by Child Protection Switzerland, states that around one in 20 children in Switzerland is regularly subjected to corporal punishment.
The study showed that around half of all parents use corporal punishment, but most of them rarely do and when they do, it is mainly corporal punishment such as a slap in the face or a slap on the bum. However, it is estimated that around 130,000 children in Switzerland are regularly subjected to violence, including severe violence such as being hit with objects or kicked, as well as psychological violence.
Does this affect boys or girls more?
As boys are often more active in their behaviour and have more behavioural problems, they are also more likely to be physically chastised. The only question is whether they become behaviourally conspicuous because of their experiences of violence or whether they experience more violence because of their behavioural conspicuousness. But I would like to emphasise at this point that we are not only concerned with violence perpetrated on children themselves. Many boys and girls also witness couple violence. In some surveys, one in five young people reported that their parents had used violence against each other in the past. What many do not realise is that witnessing this can have just as negative an impact on a child's development. The consequences are similar.
Then let's always talk about both forms of domestic violence in this interview, couple violence and direct violence against children. Which families are most frequently affected?
Domestic violence is usually an issue in highly stressed families. Where risk factors such as unemployment, financial worries and social isolation due to migration are more prevalent, the likelihood of domestic violence is much higher. However, it is just as likely that one parent in an upper-class family will suffer from mental illness, which can lead to increased stress and violence. The question of which conflict resolution strategies we have learnt and how we can deal with stress is fundamentally more important than the question of which class we belong to. But it is true: Many of the affected parents we see come from educationally disadvantaged backgrounds that are in a poor financial position.
Or they may have experienced violence themselves as a child.
That's right. Some of those affected come from countries where they have experienced terrible things through war or while fleeing. But there are also many here in Switzerland who experienced violence as a child - and for whom there is a high risk that they will later use violence themselves. In stressful situations, we fall back on the behaviour we have learned. We try to convey these consequences to parents: Boys who are beaten often use violence themselves in later relationships, and girls find themselves in relationships in which violence is inflicted on them.
When is the point reached at which a child is harmed by domestic violence, and with what consequences?
The consequences of physical violence are «dose-dependent». This means that a greater intensity of violence, a combination of different forms of violence and a longer period of violence are associated with serious consequences. In addition, children are more likely to react with stress if the person perpetrating the violence is their own mother or father, i.e. a close attachment figure.
Do the consequences also depend on the child's stage of development?
That is correct. Protective factors also play a role. Promoting and protective factors such as a stable, supportive social environment or experiences of self-efficacy have a positive influence on how children deal with stress.
What do you mean?
Assuming that the child has fundamental trust in their parents and they talk to them about their «outburst» and apologise for it, then the child has completely different ways of coming to terms with this than a child with whom the violence is never discussed. Their parents become unpredictable for the child and they relate what happened to themselves. It will take the blame on itself. This poses a risk to healthy development.
What are the risks?
These children often have problems regulating their emotions and dealing constructively with stress. For example, they tend to throw tantrums. Many suffer from anxiety, sleep disorders, have low self-esteem and feel ashamed. We have children who are always thinking about what happened at home, even at school, and are unable to concentrate. They suffer from attention deficits and their ability to learn is impaired. In friendships, these children tend to get into violent arguments, which causes them difficulties. These consequences do not have to be immediate, but can occur years later. And I would like to emphasise this once again: We are not only talking about children who experience violence first-hand, but also about those who witness their mother or sibling being beaten.
How do these children stand out? Or to put it another way, how does a child exposed to domestic violence behave?
There are no indicators where you can say: The child is most likely experiencing domestic violence. There are the obvious bruises. But then a lot has already happened. We also sometimes have cases where children talk about what they are experiencing at home at school, for example. When we look at our cases, even the serious ones, only one in ten children is conspicuous at the time of the incident, has fears or wets themselves again at night. However, the consequences can also emerge with a time delay or we can't identify all of them in this snapshot. This is why prevention is so important, be it through the development of a good education and support programme, police intervention or raising awareness among specialist agencies.
Unlike in other European countries, the right to a non-violent upbringing is not enshrined in law in Switzerland.
Switzerland has signed up to the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, which includes the child's right to a non-violent upbringing. However, there is no law in Switzerland that states that you are not allowed to hit your children. However, at some point in the use of violence there is a point at which criminal prosecution becomes active if the child's welfare is jeopardised. This doesn't happen every time a child is slapped, but also not only when the child is beaten black and blue. The point at which action is taken depends heavily on the context. Has the child been slapped out of the heat of the moment? Was this discussed with the child? Is it systematic violence? Are slaps a means of punishment that are used deliberately?
So a slap in the face out of the heat of the moment is okay?
I don't want it to be understood that way. Even marginal violence has an effect on children. But just because you have grabbed your child firmly by the arm doesn't mean there will be child protection proceedings or criminal proceedings.
What would help troubled families?
They need more support and coping strategies for the stress factors they face. In counselling sessions, questions such as «What alternatives are there to violence in parenting?», «What happens to me when I do this?», «What are the consequences of my behaviour?» should be discussed. Many parents say, for example, that the violence started when the situation at home changed. This could be the birth of the third child, which pushed the parents to their limits. Separation phases are also very dangerous in terms of violence. The stress or strain is then very high. The situation during the lockdown and, in particular, the closure of schools last spring was also a considerable burden for many parents. The number of cases went up during this time.
Are the parents concerned aware of this?
Most parents already have a feeling that their behaviour is not good for the children, but this feeling is usually diffuse. They tell us things like «The children are not conspicuous, it doesn't bother them» or «They were asleep when the violence happened and didn't notice anything».
What do you say to these parents?
We show these mothers and fathers what violence does to a child and try to work with them on how to stabilise or support the children. It is very important to break the taboo, to simply talk about it without immediately condemning their behaviour, and to make them aware that the children often notice much more than we can immediately recognise or they tell us.
Now there are parents who strike out of excessive demands. These mothers and fathers are certainly receptive to an offer of help. What about parents who approve of violence as a parenting tool?
These are very challenging conversations. We have parents, most of whom come from patriarchal social structures, who say that they are very irritated by how highly children's rights are valued in Switzerland, that people here are so focussed on the children. However, there are also good ways of showing these parents the consequences of their behaviour without calling their parenting skills into question. School performance is often a good starting point: «A brain that is stressed cannot learn.» It's about working out alternatives with them without questioning their good intentions.
But this attitude doesn't just apply to immigrant families. Some Swiss mums and dads would still subscribe to the maxim «A slap never hurt anyone».
These trivialisations are a major problem. When we are confronted with this in our discussions, we focus on the consequences of corporal punishment: even if they don't seem conspicuous now, these children are at an increased risk of becoming conspicuous at any point in their lives and of developing psychological and physical secondary illnesses.
Studies show that many babies and young children are affected by domestic violence, both as witnesses to couple violence and also in their own bodies. Why is this the case?
Because young children spend most of their time at home with their parents. Boys and girls of this age are massively dependent on their parents, including physically. These children have none of the basic skills with which we react to stress, fight or flight. They have no chance of turning away or exerting any kind of active influence. Many of these children react with a kind of numbness. They switch off part of their perception, which can become chronic and occur again and again in stressful situations.
You can't discuss the situation with such small children.
Exactly. That makes the whole situation unpredictable for babies. They don't know whether it's going to be over in a minute or for another three hours? That's constant stress.
And older children?
Older children have more options, they are usually much more active, some intervene and want to protect the parent concerned. But even this active behaviour unfortunately does not protect them from the consequences of violence. They carry an increased risk of being hurt themselves and they take on a role within the family that is not really appropriate for children. However, it is easier to discuss the violence with older children, which helps them enormously in coming to terms with what they have experienced. It is often the parents themselves who call the police. That's something that we then talk to them about as a good strategy, because in an acute case, the child's safety must be guaranteed at all costs. You never know how a violent situation will develop. Children are so dependent on outside help.
You are not coming in this acute situation?
No, the police reports are sent to the KESB (Child and Adult Protection Authority, ed.). They check whether children are involved and whether the child's welfare is at risk. We then receive an order from the KESB to carry out a home visit, talk about the violence and assess whether there is actually a risk to the child's welfare that needs to be investigated. We then try to put the child at the centre and find out how they are doing. Always in the knowledge that there is a risk that the child will not say anything. The parents' willingness to accept help is very important, because it usually doesn't stop on its own. The distress of the parents behind the violence should be looked at carefully.
The demands on parents today are very, very high: you shouldn't shout at your child, you should never get really angry, you should remain as patient as possible. What if you can't do that? When has the point come in everyday parenting when I, as a mum or dad, should get help?
When you have the feeling that you are losing control of your own behaviour, when the whole range of possible reactions in a stressful situation has been exhausted and all that remains is shouting or physical violence. The feeling of «I can no longer control my behaviour» is an important alarm signal. Incidentally, we have a very well-developed network of counselling centres in Switzerland.
Or you can talk to a trusted person, a neighbour or a friend.
Yes, and it is often underestimated how important it is for children that you talk to them about these incidents and help them to categorise what has happened. If children don't have this opportunity, they take the experience with them and this can be problematic under certain circumstances. Children are so self-centred, especially at pre-school age. They relate so much to themselves and have the feeling that the world only revolves around them. They therefore need to hear explicitly that the violence is not their responsibility. They are not to blame. No matter how stupidly a child acts - they still have a right not to be beaten.
Domestic violence during the coronavirus pandemic
How has the family climate in Switzerland changed during the coronavirus pandemic? Has there been more domestic violence? The Department of Social Work at Lucerne University of Applied Sciences and Arts has launched a representative long-term study and, together with the survey institute gfs.bern, asked 1037 people throughout Switzerland how they felt during the lockdown in spring 2020 and during a four-week period in the summer.
5.5 per cent of respondents stated that they had experienced violence within the family during the lockdown. In the summer, the figure fell slightly to 5.2 per cent, but here a period of only four weeks was considered compared to the lockdown, which lasted twice as long. There was a significant increase in violence towards children: 4.5 per cent of respondents with children in the same household stated that they had used violence against a child during the lockdown. In the summer, the figure was 5.6 per cent.Psychological violence was mentioned most frequently - in particular repeated verbal abuse. Relatively few stated that they had been the victim of physical or sexual violence.
Families in difficult income situations and with aconflict-ridden climate were particularly affected. People who cared for elderly relatives or had to look after children while at work also reported an increase in violence. «The pandemic is not creating any new risk factors, it is exacerbating known factors,» says co-study leader Paula Krüger. Even if it does not appear that the feared sharp increase in domestic violence occurred in the spring, the crisis appears to have had an impact on the family climate. «The results indicate that the long duration of the pandemic is wearing on the nerves of the population, which can lead to more tension and conflict and even violence within families.»
Source: www.hslu.ch
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