No drama in the group chat, please!

We have rules for road traffic, for school, for family life. What's missing so far is a group chat etiquette. A suggestion.

Teenagers use Whatsapp, Snapchat and Instagram not only to discuss homework, but also to organise their social lives. However, young people first have to learn how to behave in digital groups. This is because it is often unlike anything else that parents teach their children. There are many reasons for this: Teenagers are among themselves in the group; regulating adults are never part of the groups as a matter of principle; an insult is easier written than said.
But how do parents prepare their children for this world? The basic rule is the same as in other areas of life: Model what you ask of your child.

Have you ever been annoyed by too many stupid messages in a sports club or group of friends and still not left the group? Or, if you create a group chat yourself: Have you thought about the settings? About the rules? Did you know that you can restrict who can write in a chat? No? Let's take Whatsapp as an example: It is advisable to specify that only «admins» can send messages. Via «Group settings» / «Edit group admins» you can assign write permissions to several people. Or have you ever set group rules and realised how it feels when other group members think they are unnecessary?

Try it out in the family chat

Many families have a family chat these days. To help you prepare your child for group chats, I have slightly adapted the rules that experts recommend for young people. Try it out with your family and relatives and discuss it with your child:
- Don't spam: We only write when we make a meaningful contribution to the conversation or have an important question.
- Targeted response: We respond when we are addressed directly or answer a question.
- No ambiguity: We express ourselves in a way that makes it clear what we mean.
- Attention to expression: We DO NOT WRITE IN CAPITAL LETTERS and pay attention to spelling.
- No slander: We do not insult anyone. Blasphemy about people who are not in the chat is also taboo.
- No duplication: We avoid repetition and do not send chain letters.
- Respect privacy: We do not pass on other people's private numbers.
- Right to your own image: We do not send pictures without the consent of the persons depicted.
- Fairness: Never kick anyone out of the chat for no reason and ask the group members if you want to add a new member to the group.

Once these rules have been internalised, talk to your child about how they can behave as an admin if there is a dispute in the group chat: ask the people involved to resolve the dispute in person, address the problem at the next meeting, for example at school, ask teachers or mediators for help if necessary.

To the author:

Michael In Albon ist Beauftragter Jugendmedienschutz und Experte Medienkompetenz von Swisscom.
Michael In Albon is a youth media protection officer and media literacy expert at Swisscom.

On Medienstark you will find tips and interactive learning modules for the competent use
of digital media in everyday family life.

Read more:

  • Lonely due to smartphones? There are numerous prejudices surrounding the use of digital media by young people. The new JAMES study dispels some myths.
  • My child, my smartphone and me Smartphones not only cast a spell over children, but also over us adults. Why we should change this and how we can do it.