My ten favourite mummy mantras

Sometimes a clever saying, an inspiring quote, is all it takes for a parent to break free from a stuck mindset. Author and mum Ulrike Légé shares her favourite sayings. Which mantra helps you?

While on holiday in Italy, I got really stuck in our car. Tight bend, bulky family car. We couldn't go forwards, nor could we reverse. Nothing worked at all, niente. I was sweating, swearing, scratching the mudguard. Until a friendly Italian bus driver came along, jumped into our car and drove it out seemingly effortlessly.

I often feel the same way about being a mum. There are situations where I just don't know what to do and get stuck. I ruminate, my thoughts go round in circles ... and if I'm lucky, someone else's idea, a quote or a pithy saying gets me out of it. Because I find them so helpful, I have written my favourite mum mantras on colourful post-its. They hang on the wall in my bedroom, where they catch my eye when I need them:

Ulrike Légé's mantras: There's still room for more. Write your ideas in the comments.

1. existence is enough

When I ask myself whether I'm doing enough as a mum. Do I urgently need to teach this, organise that and discuss it with the children? No, I don't have to. It's enough to be there. For myself and for my family. It's enough to be present, mindful and open. Everything else will come from that and grow.

2. there are no facts, only interpretations. (Friedrich Nietzsche)

Sometimes I think I know exactly what our family problem is and how it could be solved. And despair at the fact that nobody seems to understand it except me. Then Nietzsche's philosophy helps me: I have my interpretation - the others have theirs.

We could argue about so-called facts for a long time now. We can discuss our interpretations, feelings and subjective views. And find a common solution.

3. with children, not in spite of them

How do I manage to do enough sport, get enough rest, meet friends, eat healthily and have a reasonably tidy home, despite having children?

Wrong question.

How do I manage WITH children? They are human too, and have similar needs to me. Child gets on the bike, mum runs through the forest. Child can listen to an audio book, mum can nod off. Everyone listens to music and tidies up. Friends come round with their children. Together we get it done.

4. we can only do small things with great love. (Mother Theresa)

When I'm painfully missing the big, extraordinary things in our small, average, ordinary family life. When I'm frustrated and stuck in our daily routine and would like to do something big, great and good, like Mother Theresa. Then her words help me: small things with great love - I can realise some of them right here and now.

5. fall down? Straighten your crown and move on.

Really misunderstood my children, made a stupid decision as a mother, shouted at children or husband? Bollocks! But wallowing in self-pity now doesn't help either. Make amends, apologise, forgive myself - and then move on. With my head held high. After all, it happens to everyone.

6 Life is what happens while you are making other plans. (John Lennon)

Oh John, I would love to have a day, no, even just an hour, when everything goes according to plan in our family. But you're right, life happens while we're making other plans. Something always goes wrong or turns out differently. So I can adjust to that too. Learning to appreciate this unpredictable, colourful aspect of family life. And to practise happily throwing my plans overboard.

7. don`t let the perfect become the enemy of the good.

I think it would be perfect to never lose my patience as a mum. To have children who never forget their «husis» or offices and to live in a tidy, Scandinavian chic house. But if I strive for perfection, I ruin so many things that are good. Then I can't accept my weaknesses as part of me. I overlook how often my children are motivated to join in and can no longer relax in our cosy, creepy home. No, none of this is perfect. But it's good the way it is.

Ulrike Légé's mantras hang on her bedroom wall and remind her to change her perspective when she gets stuck.

8 Learn to love the questions. (Reiner Maria Rilke)

I have a thousand questions as a mum. How should I deal with my children in everyday life, organise our life together, prepare them for their future? Even if I read a hundred parenting guides, I can never find all the answers. Appreciating my questions, enduring them and leaving them as open points, loving what could develop from them - that feels easier.

Would you like to memorise this article? Then pin this image to your Pinterest wall.

9 Others are different.

«If Barbara is now sending her children to self-defence classes, Christian is constantly posting great photos, Moni only cooks vegan food and Peter does voluntary coaching every weekend, then we should actually be ...». Stop! Others are different. They are allowed to be different, that's true for them. It's right for us to be who we are. Be inspired? Yes. Allow ourselves to be unsettled? No.

10. doing nothing often leads to the best something. (Winnie the Pooh)

I could always be planning something educationally valuable with the children: Go to the museum, read great books, do sports, do crafts. Yes, sometimes we do that. But not all the time. My children are more lively and sense their needs better than I do with my planneritis. They need their creative, adult-free time to do nothing! That leads to the most wonderful ... something.