«My son thinks pubic hair in the genital area is uncool»

«The other day, my eldest child said to me: "Mum, I can really look down on you!» I asked him what that felt like. He replied: «Funny.» Score, I thought. That's exactly how I feel.
My baby is almost 16 and can already rest his chin on my head. And this despite the fact that I'm no dwarf at 1.74 metres. But it's not just our height ratios that are out of kilter. He now often goes to bed after me. Because he has to study. Because he wants to chat to his friends on Facetime for a while. Because he really wants to watch the 47th episode of a popular US series on Netflix so that he can join in the conversation at school the next day. But above all, because he now knows best.
For example, that seven hours of sleep is enough and that his regular consumption of cola, crisps, hamburgers and Nutella really has nothing to do with his pimples, which are now sprouting not only on his back but also on his face. We had to see a dermatologist about it. Because pimples are just as uncool as extra pounds: you are branded with them - and stand out. And that's the last thing my son wants.

«You can mess up sometimes, I keep saying, but never betray my trust.»

Like most others, he tries to fit in with the seemingly increasingly homogenised teenage crowd. Individuality is not in demand. Trainers, T-shirts and haircuts are virtually predetermined. Being slim is also part of the uniform. And no pimples on the face. Or no pubic hair in the genital area.
The boy doesn't even have a serious beard or a girlfriend yet, but he wanted to know what he could do to get rid of the unusual splendour of pubic hair in his loin area . The idea of explaining or even showing him how a beard trimmer could work down there seemed more absurd to me than our first real conversation about condoms and sexuality.
On the other hand, I was happy about the openness and the trust he showed me. Because trust is everything and, alongside love, it is the most important remnant of the umbilical cord that once connected us physically. You can mess up sometimes, I keep saying, but never betray my trust. It took time for him to understand this and required a lot of straightforwardness and consistency from me. In return, I can now let him go more or less relaxed when he wants to go into town with his mates or to a private party at the weekend.

«Disputes only really arise when it comes to money»

The worst thing that has happened so far was that I had to put a cleaning bucket next to his bed. But he was home at the agreed time and learnt a lesson.
The only time we argue is when it comes to money: he says he can do what he wants with his money. As a health-conscious mum, however, I find it impossible that he downloads a fitness app from Men's Health on the one hand, but then spends far more than half his pocket money on (in my opinion) unnecessary snacks at McDonalds or Starbucks.
He, on the other hand, finds it hard that he has to go on holiday to work in order to be able to afford trendy designer trainers, the price of which is beyond good and evil. I don't think it has done him any harm. On the contrary. It helped him to develop self-confidence and get a feel for what it's like to have to look after yourself. When I recently asked my son what he wanted most from me as a mum, he replied: «That we can meet as equals.» I now have to stand on my tiptoes to do this. Good thing I wear high heels from time to time."
Picture: istock

About the author:

Sandra M. wants to keep her real name to herself. She is the mother of two boys, 16 and 14, works as a PR specialist and lives in Lenzburg AG.

This article was published as part of our June 2016 dossier on the topic of «Teenagers in body mania». Order the magazine with 21 pages on the topic.