«My son holds up a mirror to me every day»

I tell

Mara, 33, is the mother of two children, 5 and 10, and recognises herself in her son's self-doubt.

"It sounds banal: If you don't love yourself, you can't love other people. That's why I think it's so important for us as parents to look inside ourselves and see whether we were loved for our own sake as a child. In my case, the birth of my first child triggered this process. My son mirrored all my insecurities to me, every day. He forced me to work on myself, to recognise my patterns, to look at everything that was or is buried or suppressed. It was only through him that I learnt self-confidence and self-love. And it is only through him that I am able to set an example for my children, for example by talking openly and honestly about my feelings. If we can show our children (not just verbally) how important it is to believe in themselves first, they won't immediately throw in the towel or hide under a blanket when they lose. When my son complains about a bad grade, I try to show him that this not quite successful test is a message to him and look with him at how so many mistakes were made. If I were to harp on about the bad grade, he would only have more self-doubt.

I am convinced that we need to give more weight to our strengths. They are our source of strength.

I therefore prefer to try to teach him to find a solution so that his grade improves in the next exam. My aim is to help him find the solution himself. Other examples are social disputes or exclusion from a group. In these cases, a child's self-esteem is affected, he closes himself off, feels shame and injustice. In the worst case, they think they are wrong the way they are. If this happens, I listen to my son and let him pour his heart out. When he has calmed down a little, I ask him if he has learnt anything from the situation. I try to convey that even bad experiences have a purpose, that we can learn from them and develop further as a result. Unfortunately, in my opinion, there is no manual that shows us how we can strengthen our children's self-confidence. But every single mum can certainly start by questioning herself, gradually shedding her insecurities and finding out who she really is. At the same time, I am convinced that we need to give more weight to our strengths. They are our source of strength. We don't have to be perfect, but we do have to be happy with ourselves. If we can convey this to our children, we are doing a pretty good job of self-acceptance."

Dieser Artikel gehört zum
This article is part of the online dossier "The strong child". Courageous, communicative, strong: that's probably what every parent wants their child to be. But what helps and what hinders the development of this self-confidence? Read more about this topic here.

Read more about self-confidence:

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