«My feelings of guilt grew with the separation»

I tell

Benno Roth*, 60, father of two daughters, 18 and 20, from Zug no longer lives with the mother of his children. The headmaster needed professional help to cope with this difficult time and the feelings that came with it.

"When my daughters were little, there was really only one moment when I felt guilty. It was when I slapped my older daughter on the bum after she had been screaming for hours because she was so overwhelmed. I will never forget that.

Apart from that moment, I never felt guilty. You are thrown into being a parent, whether planned or not. And of course you're sorry if something goes wrong, if you could have organised something better or if you lose your nerve. But you're always smarter later on. And today I know that I reacted the way I could in that situation.
In general, I was at home a lot and consciously wanted to invest in the family. I never wanted to have the typical father guilt of my generation, the feeling of absence. That's why I feel guilty towards my wife when I look back on that time. Because we both focussed on the children, everything revolved around everyday family life. As a result, our relationship was neglected.

«I feel guilty towards my wife. Everything revolved around the children. As a result, our relationship was neglected.»

In the end, we split up, which wasn't that long ago. This separation made me feel really guilty. I felt so guilty when I realised how hurt not only my wife but also my daughters were. It wasn't necessarily the fact that I was separating, but how I behaved towards them during that time that made it hard for me to sleep.

I began to suffer so much from the separation and the feelings of guilt that I even developed suicidal thoughts last spring. The situation was no longer sustainable for any of us and I sought professional help. I had to learn to look after myself and to consciously grieve for something. I also learnt to give the negative feelings their time. Not just the positive ones. But that took many conversations, coaching sessions and a lot of time. And I'm still in the process of letting go of the images I had of myself, my marriage and my family."

*Name changed

Online dossier

Dieser Artikel gehört zum
This article is part of the online dossier Feelings of guilt. Read more on the topic, such as: When are feelings of guilt authentic and useful - and when are they inherited? Are we doing enough for our child? Or even too much?

Read more about feelings of guilt:

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