«My daughter looks cheap!»

One question - three opinions
Our daughter, 14, meets up with her friends in town every Saturday to meet boys. Without high heels, mini skirts and make-up, this is not possible. In our opinion, it's a bit too much of a good thing - she sometimes looks pretty cheap. What should we do?
Here's what our team of experts say:
Nicole AlthausHmm. Wer hat Ihrer Tochter denn die High Heels und den Minirock gekauft? Bekommt sie so viel Sackgeld? Oder sah das Outfit in der Garderobe in ihren Augen weniger billig aus? Eltern haben bei den Kleidern mitzureden, zumindest solange sie sie finanzieren. Doch vergessen Sie nicht: Teenager brauchen die Freiheit, sich auszuprobieren, mit ihrer Weiblichkeit zu spielen. Das sieht für jede Elterngeneration zuweilen billig aus.
Nicole Althaus
Hmm. Who bought your daughter the high heels and the mini skirt? Does she get that much pocket money? Or did the outfit in the dressing room look less cheap in her eyes? Parents have a say in the clothes, at least as long as they are paying for them. But don't forget: teenagers need the freedom to try things out, to play with their femininity. This sometimes looks cheap to every generation of parents.
Tonia von GuntenSagen Sie Ihrer Tochter, was Sie von ihren Ausgeh-Klamotten halten. Kaufen Sie ihr Jeans, T-Shirt, Pulli, Jacke, gute Schuhe sowie Sportklamotten. Unternehmen Sie in Zukunft jeden zweiten Samstag etwas zusammen. Als Familie, mit oder auch ohne die Freundinnen. Bieten Sie zum billigen Aussehen ein neues Kontrastprogramm!
Tonia von Gunten
Tell your daughter what you think of her outfits. Buy her jeans, T-shirt, jumper, jacket, good shoes and sportswear. In future, do something together every other Saturday. As a family, with or without her friends. Offer a new contrast programme to the cheap look!
Peter SchneiderSie könnten ihr ein Paar Louboutins, einen Minirock von Prada und einen dezenten Lippenstift von Dior schenken – und schon wird Ihr Töchterchen viel, viel teurer aussehen. Aber das ist vermutlich nicht das Gegenteil von dem, was sie mit «billig» meinen. Wenn Sie Ihrer Tochter mitteilen, dass sie in ihrem Outfit aussieht wie die 13-jährige Jodie Foster in «Taxi Driver», wird sie Sie vermutlich nur verständnislos anschauen. Erstens weil sie nicht weiss, wer Jodie Foster ist und was das mit Taxifahren zu tun hat; zweitens weil solche pubertäre Hypersexualisierung nur funktioniert, solange die Pubertierenden nicht wissen, was sie tun. Sparen Sie sich also Grundsatzdebatten und machen Sie allenfalls einen brauchbaren Vorschlag zu einem etwas weniger billigen Styling.
Peter Schneider
You could give her a pair of Louboutins, a mini skirt from Prada and a subtle lipstick from Dior - and your daughter will look much, much more expensive. But that's probably not the opposite of what they mean by «cheap». If you tell your daughter that she looks like 13-year-old Jodie Foster in «Taxi Driver» in her outfit, she will probably just look at you blankly. Firstly, because she doesn't know who Jodie Foster is and what that has to do with driving a taxi; secondly, because such pubescent hypersexualisation only works as long as the pubescent doesn't know what they are doing. So save yourself the fundamental debates and at best make a useful suggestion for a slightly less cheap styling.


Our team of experts:
Nicole Althaus, 51, is editor-in-chief of magazines and member of the editorial board of "NZZ am Sonntag", columnist and author. She initiated and managed the mum blog on tagesanzeiger.ch and was editor-in-chief of "wir eltern". Nicole Althaus is the mother of two children aged 20 and 16.
Tonia von Gunten, 42, is a parenting coach, educator and author. She runs elternpower.ch, a programme that aims to bring fresh energy into families and strengthen parents in their relationship skills. Tonia von Gunten is married and the mother of two children, 9 and 6.
Peter Schneider, 62, is a columnist, satirist, psychoanalyst, private lecturer in clinical psychology at the University of Zurich and visiting professor for the history and scientific theory of psychoanalysis in Berlin.
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