Mrs Leibovici-Mühlberger, why do you have such doubts about our youth?

Mrs Leibovici-Mühlberger, you say that young people are ill-equipped for the future. What is the problem?

We are facing major social challenges. Our children will one day have to bear even more decision-making responsibility than we do today. This calls for integrated and stable personalities. But more and more young people would rather chill out than achieve something, are self-centred, snivelling and full of resistance.

That's not a good testimonial you're giving young people.

Well, I also meet a lot of young people who impress me. They act socially and responsibly, are reflective and forward-thinking. I'm not saying that the young people in my book represent the majority of their age group.

Then it can't be that bad.

All it takes is a few people fidgeting to capsize a boat. We can only afford a limited number of ricochets. What I experience in my practice and in discussions with professional colleagues, however, suggests that the number of so-called behaviourally marginalised young people is increasing. I can understand their resistance. They have been taken in by an educational lie, which offends them.

An educational lie?

Yes, many parents do not fulfil their educational mandate. They don't want to guide their children, but instead see themselves as their stooge. They have this infantile, narcissistic ideal of freedom, where individuality and free development are the highest maxims. The parents' priority is not to raise a subject, but a free spirit.

What's wrong with that?

Parents teach their children that they always have a choice. They see their own mission as encouraging their children with activities and providing them with consumer goods. They like to see their children's quirks or misbehaviour as a sign of their individuality. In doing so, they generously overlook the real problem: the child has lost its bearings because no one has shown it any boundaries. They will pay the price later on.

In what way?

As an adolescent, he or she is thrust into a reality that his or her parents can no longer control. The child is not prepared for the society of progression, in which performance, not free development, counts. They realise that they have gone in the wrong direction because someone has put up the wrong signs. That's why I say: don't lie to your children!

What do these young people lack?

They have little self-control and empathy, and a structured approach is often impossible for them. They have not learnt to postpone their needs and lack the skills needed for economic survival. And then even their closest allies turn against them.

Young people hear for years how unique they are and then suddenly demands are made of them.

Martina Leibovici-Mühlberger

The parents?

I treat many young people who have been told for years how unique they are until their parents present them with the bill: Look what we've done for you! The effort should not have been in vain. Suddenly the parents are making demands that the young people are not used to. They respond with refusal. And they are not prepared to take on social responsibility.

And her parents are to blame.

Parents only orientate themselves on what society tells us is the ideal path: Make the most of your life, fulfil yourself! This narcissistic ideal is dazzling, but full of ambiguities. The child is supposed to fulfil itself as it sees fit, but at the same time has to serve as a yardstick for the parents' success. The freedom of the one no longer ends where that of the other is curtailed. We have elevated the «me company» as a maxim for happiness. Mothers and fathers have a hard time these days.

Can they still do anything at all?

We can turn the tide by taking responsibility for our children and stop training them to be comfortable. Because children need an alert mind in a society that sees and courts them primarily as consumers. If we consider childhood to be worth protecting, we must also utilise the advantage of experience that we have over our children. Otherwise we will harm them. So it's no wonder that many young people turn away emotionally from their parents.

Studies tend to say the opposite, locating a strong proximity.

The decisive factor is how we define this closeness: Is it about the resource level or the relationship level? This is often mixed up. Does closeness mean that you practically stay at home, or is it about emotional closeness? Many young people describe their relationship with their parents as good as long as they leave them alone. I'm interested in the culture of the relationship: do they maintain a dialogue, rituals? That provides a more differentiated picture.

Critics accuse you of drawing conclusions about the general public from extreme cases.

In my statements, I am not only referring to my work as a psychotherapist, I also train teachers. Their feedback is no less startling. When a Viennese senior school headmaster tells me, as she did recently, that 20 per cent of school leavers will not find a job because they lack impulse control, are easily offended and are not used to organising themselves, it is alarming.

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This text was published as part of our dossier on the topic of youth in 2016.

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