«Mrs Dobler, how can parents talk to their children about addiction?»

Mrs Dobler, why do parents call you?

This varies greatly. Parents very often get in touch when they find something on their children, for example weed. They're usually stunned and want to know what they should do now. Other parents realise that their child is having problems due to the use of addictive substances, for example in their studies. In general, we observe that the use of cannabis is more likely to cause concern than alcohol. Mothers often get in touch because their sons are using and there are conflicts in the family. Girls are often quieter, which can be dangerous, because it means they don't realise that they actually need attention. So we see a broad spectrum here.

What advice do you have for parents?

First of all, they should try to find out: What exactly is going on? What does it mean that they have found a substance? Many parents are in good contact with their child and can talk to them. «I've found something and I want to talk to you about what it means.» Depending on the age and the addictive substance in question, the aim must be for the child to stop using again.

And what about older adolescents who refuse to give up cannabis use?

In these cases, parents can often achieve more if they talk to the child about how they can minimise the risks: How will the child manage to keep the use occasional and not increase? Parents should also agree with the child that the consumption should not have any impact on school, studies or leisure behaviour. It is also important to talk to the child about why they are using. Many young people say that they want the group experience. However, some also want to relieve stress with cannabis.

What significance do these consumer motives have?

For you as a parent, this is important information: Is it really a case of occasional indulgent consumption with friends? Or is the child trying to adjust negative feelings? In the first case, the risk of the child consuming more and more is smaller. However, if the child is trying to dispel negative feelings with cannabis, there is a greater risk that they will smoke more and more.

In this case, the child does not learn to develop other strategies to deal with stressful feelings.

Correct. The child misses out on learning opportunities. In this context, I think it's important to emphasise that: You should talk to the child about cannabis, alcohol and so on. But the focus should not be on the substance, but on the child. How is my child doing in general? Where are they in life right now? How are things going at school? In their apprenticeship? Are they hanging out with people who use substances themselves? All of this makes it possible to assess how great the risk is that the experimentation will turn into a problem.

What do I do if my child is smoking pot to relieve himself?

Talk to your child about your worries. What is not going well at the moment? What stresses are they exposed to? What ways are there to improve this situation? What ideas does the child have? What options do you have as parents to support the child?

What role does it play how old my child is?

For example, the younger the child is, the greater the risk of becoming addicted. In other words, the younger a child is, the more clearly parents should pursue the goal of stopping consumption and they should seek help. A 13-year-old who experiments with cannabis, for example, is putting himself in greater danger than a 16-year-old who does so.

As a parent, should I inform myself about the substances in question?

Yes, because this will enable you to have competent conversations with your children. Conversations, not lectures. Lecturing doesn't get anyone anywhere, and it's often the case that the children know more about the subject than the parents. Parents and children can also look for information together.

What does a good conversation look like?

First of all, it's a dialogue, that's important. It should never be opened with the sentence «You're doing something wrong». Instead, parents should talk about themselves, say what they observe and how they experience the child's consumption, that they are unsettled and want to be involved. For example, they can say: «I want to support you as best I can. It's important to me that we can talk to each other openly.»

There are parents who can't talk about such things with their children.

Yes, not all parents have the same resources to deal with such a situation. And some situations can be very difficult and difficult. If contact between parents and child is difficult, we recommend seeking professional support sooner rather than later. This can make communication easier. An outside perspective can bring movement into a muddled situation. There are counselling centres for young people, but also for parents and families. In the case of problematic use, help can also be found at an addiction counselling centre.

What is the aim of such support?

The aim is to work with a neutral person to see how the current situation can be improved. If the child refuses to go to a specialist centre together with the parents, the parents should first go alone. Adolescence in general is often a challenge. If the child is also using addictive substances, it becomes even more challenging. This is not a parental failure. It is simply not an easy situation and therefore completely legitimate to seek support.

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