Mrs Buschner, how do children in rainbow families fare?

Mrs Buschner, how do children in rainbow families fare?

They often score slightly higher when it comes to resilience, the resilience that allows us to cope well with crises and maintain a good sense of self-worth. We attribute this to the fact that children have a very high status in these families - the parents usually had to walk a rocky road to get them. However, the central conclusion of science is that it is not the family constellation but the quality of relationships within the family that is important for a child's development. It also makes a difference whether children are born into a same-sex relationship or not.

In what way?

Children who grow up in homosexual stepfamilies, i.e. with a new same-sex partner of one parent, usually come from previous heterosexual relationships. Like other children of divorce, they often have to deal with the separation of their parents. This is a so-called risk factor for children from all family constellations, which can have a negative impact on their psychological development. Overall, children who are born into a same-sex relationship are therefore likely to have a more carefree start.

«80 per cent of these children were confronted with verbal abuse or teasing.»

Social researcher Andrea Buschner

How often are children from rainbow families discriminated against?

The proportion varies between 20 and 50 per cent, depending on the study. In our study of children from lesbian stepfamilies, around 20 per cent of mothers said that their child had already been discriminated against because of their family situation. This means that 80 per cent of the children who had had such experiences had been confronted with verbal abuse or teasing. In contrast, forms of discrimination such as threats of violence, physical or sexual violence were significantly less common.

Who are the attacks coming from?

Mostly by their peers and mostly in their teenage years. However, not all children who have already been discriminated against feel burdened by this. This becomes clear in studies that show that children from rainbow families do not perform worse than other children when it comes to psychological well-being. This fact suggests that there are protective factors in their family context that can reduce the negative effects of discrimination.

«If there is someone at home to catch the child, it acts as a buffer.»

Andrea Buschner, social researcher

Namely?

Studies show that emotional support within the family is most important. If there is someone at home who supports the child, who they can turn to and with whom they can look for solutions, this acts as a buffer.

Can schools also help children from rainbow families to cope better with discrimination?

Yes, children are better equipped to deal with issues such as sexual and family diversity at school. Such plans are often met with resistance, allegedly out of fear that children will be sexualised at an early age. However, the aim is simply to teach them that there are different ways of living, loving and having a family. Younger children will find nothing objectionable about this. Later on, their understanding of what is considered normal will be strongly influenced by their social environment. How people deal with difference also depends on their educational background. An educated environment will therefore be more open to children from unconventional families than an uneducated one.

Critics criticise the fact that children from lower social classes are underrepresented in studies on rainbow families.

It is unlikely that rainbow families from the lower classes are simply slipping through our fingers - in fact, based on our research, we have to assume that there are actually only a few of them. That's not too surprising.

Why not?

Homosexuality is not dependent on social class - but the decision to come out, to live together or to dare to have children together is. In a socially weaker environment with little acceptance of unconventional lifestyles, this takes a lot of courage. The hurdles for a same-sex couple wishing to have children are also high: reproductive medical treatments cost a lot of money, and couples also need to be familiar with legal issues.

Do same-sex couples bring up their children differently?

The myth that same-sex parenting influences the sexual orientation of children has been refuted: they are no more likely to become homosexual than other adolescents. Studies also show that rainbow families share employment and family work more equally than nuclear families. Apart from this, most rainbow families live the classic model with two parents plus child.

Could this be interpreted as a commitment to the nuclear family, which is often labelled as an outdated model?

Yes and no. In most rainbow families, there are external people who play a more or less important role as a parent for the child. This is often the biological father. Then there is multi-parenthood in so-called queer families, in which a lesbian couple or a lesbian woman raises children together with a gay man or couple. What all forms of same-sex parenthood have in common is that those involved define themselves more through social parenthood than biological parenthood.

What does that mean?

It is the time spent together with the child that makes you a mother or a father. In this respect, this understanding of family differs from that of the nuclear family, which links parenthood to the producers. The concept of social parenthood seems to me to be more progressive in that it better fulfils the child's need for familiar and reliable caregivers.

Read more:

• The family model is becoming more diverse - what new options are there?
• Mr Roos, is the traditional family dying out?
• Two mums tell us