Mr Gfeller, how do teachers and parents work better together?

A bright room at the Bern University of Teacher Education. Tables are pushed together to allow small groups to work together and lounge furniture to relax. Behind a room divider, the centrepiece of the large room awaits visitors: a beautiful old wooden table. «This is roughly what the classroom of tomorrow should look like,» says Urs Gfeller, Head of Vocational Biography, Counselling and Support at the PH Bern. «Shall we sit down?»

Mr Gfeller, studies show that one in five teachers give up their job in the first four years. Is it really that many?

I am also familiar with these studies. I can't say for sure whether there are many or whether this is comparable with other professions.

But what are the reasons for this early exit from the profession?

Despite a good basic education, extensive internships and special programmes for those entering the profession, the step towards becoming a responsible teacher is still a big one. Many feel unable to cope with all the demands that they place on themselves and that come to them from outside. Others have seen their teacher training programme from the outset as a basic education on which they would like to build.

You head the Career Biography, Counselling and Support department at the Bern University of Teacher Education. Among other things, it offers an internet forum where teachers can seek advice. Around 1700 teachers are now registered there. What's on the minds of teachers today?

The spectrum of issues that teachers approach us with is very broad and ranges from difficult pupil behaviour or challenging teaching situations, a lack of support from the school management to legal issues and questions about working with parents. Unfortunately, we have observed that many teachers make use of counselling services such as ours quite late...

"Many teachers use counselling services like ours quite late."

Urs Gfeller, pedagogue

... and they then appear in the statistics as the teachers who quit their jobs after 10 or even 15 years. Why is that?

Let's say, some of them. Some have the feeling that they themselves are getting older and older and the children are getting younger and younger. Digitalisation is advancing all the time, and many teachers feel they can't keep up with the new skills and abilities of their pupils in this respect. They simply can't imagine retiring from this profession. I see another reason in the social changes of recent decades.

Which would be?

I am referring in particular to the general loss of authority. Doctors, priests and teachers used to be regarded as the unquestionable authorities in their field. Today we have the internet. We can find out about anything at any time and confront recognised experts with our (half-)knowledge.

What does this mean for everyday school life?

Today, it is no longer enough to be an ambitious teacher who loves their job. Teachers have to prove themselves as professionals, as educators.

Towards the parents?

Especially towards the parents, yes. As a teacher, I must be convinced of myself and my way of teaching, and I must be able to clearly communicate my mission as a teacher. And this already at the first parents' evening: «Dear parents, this is the image of man I have, this is what I understand by learning, I use this or that didactic method, this is what I expect from you, dear parents, and this is what you can expect from me. My information for parents is as follows. You can reach me by phone at these times, but not at these times.» If a teacher today cannot say exactly what they mean by learning, parents very quickly feel that they have to say it instead of them. Those who do not clearly define themselves in front of parents are understandably defined by them.

Families today are under great economic pressure. And many parents are worried that their child will not be able to keep up in this globalised world.

That is often the case. What's more, many parents feel guilty about not having enough time for their children. And this guilty conscience is projected onto the school: at least there their child must get what it needs. That this is the case is absolutely understandable.

With what consequences?

You see, it's about creating a sense of unity for the benefit of the child. There needs to be an alliance with the parents that shows what their task is and what the school's task is. However, if parents only take a critical stance towards the school, then this is a very difficult task. Teachers today have to earn the trust of parents, it is no longer given «by virtue of their office».

Is parental work still being neglected today?

In my opinion, yes. Parental work is key to the children's learning success. And to keeping the teacher healthy. Parents need to be invited to participate in the development process of their children within the school and to take on joint responsibility. Parents must be taken seriously as partners at eye level. As a partner who entrusts us with their favourite thing, their children. That is very important. We are often still too stuck in old ways.

Now imagine a class of 20 pupils, 3 of whom have conspired against the teacher. But their parents don't want to see their own child at fault. What are you going to do? That's anything but easy!

You're right about that. And this is not uncommon. But it also depends on the behaviour of the teacher. Children and young people long to be accepted for who they are. If a child acts aggressively, it is not an aggressive child per se, but the behaviour is always linked to a setting. This child is not aggressive around the clock. There is often a need behind the aggression that should be recognised by the teacher. If this happens, a lot has already been gained in the relationship between teacher and pupil.

Can you give an example?

When I was teaching myself many years ago, there was once a Reto in my class. The 17-year-old sabotaged everything I did, talked his way in and made the class unruly. He had my complete attention.

What have you done?

We drew up a learning contract, which Reto, his parents and I signed. But that didn't help. At some point, I saw him playing football by chance. At the weekend, away from the school. I was amazed. Was this talented boy the Reto who was making my life as a teacher so difficult? On Monday, I spoke to him: «Reto, I saw you play football and I was deeply impressed.» It may sound cheesy, but from that moment on there were no more problems with him. I had experienced Reto where he is someone, where he lives his talent. He felt that I recognised his value. What does this mean for the relationship between teachers and their pupils? Where teachers invest in the relationship with their pupils, things that are not going well can be addressed and resolved more undramatically. A «this far and no further» approach is ultimately appreciated by children and young people. But it has to happen at the level of «acceptance». It is not for nothing that it is said that «relationship comes before education». But in our culture, we are often too deficit-orientated.

What do you mean?

We mainly look at what is going badly. There are studies that show that there are many times more sanctions than praise at home. How often do we reprimand a child who misbehaves at dinner: «Don't fidget like that», «Use your knife and fork», «Don't talk with your mouth full» and so on. Likewise at school. The teacher often has little to say about the child who does their work inconspicuously and diligently - but this child also wants to be noticed. Or imagine a parents' evening: 18 pairs of parents are happy with the teacher, 2 complain about her teaching style - what does the teacher think about when she goes home?

Probably about what she has supposedly done wrong - and should actually do better.

An essential task of teachers is to assess a child, to focus on what is successful. This creates a relationship and the confidence to tackle deficits. This also creates a different atmosphere in the classroom.

At the beginning of our conversation, you mentioned the relationship between teachers and school management.

This is a frequent topic in our counselling sessions. I hear teachers complaining that the school management is kowtowing to the parents. Other teachers avoid colleagues who are under fire because they don't want to be in the firing line themselves. We advise affected teachers to get help in these cases so that things can be sorted out. Unfortunately, this happens too rarely.

With what consequences?

There is a risk of drifting into loneliness, of not being understood by school management, colleagues or parents. This often leads to sick leave.

Are you talking about individual cases?

No, one in 15 teachers feels the same way. The lone wolf mentality is still a big issue. However, the diverse tasks that are required of the school can only be fulfilled by cooperating teams.

«The feeling that some parents don't like me because they don't think I'm doing their child justice hurts.»

Urs Gfeller heads the Career Biography, Counselling and Support department at the Bern University of Teacher Education.

Which personalities are most at risk of burning out?

Those who mainly seek their confirmation from outside. Those who have high ideals, little tolerance for ambiguity, i.e. a certain «tolerance for uncertainty», hardly any self-regulatory skills and few social contacts. In addition, people who are perfectionists and want to please everyone are naturally at risk. The feeling that some parents don't like me because they don't think I'm doing their child justice hurts. You have to be able to put up with that. If you can't, you end up justifying yourself. I can explain and inform, but those who justify have lost.

What can I do as a mum or dad to maintain a good relationship with my child's teacher?

It is important to show respect and consideration. Even before the magnitude of the task of travelling with 20 children. This deserves the utmost respect, especially when you realise that this teacher is doing their job - not flawlessly, of course, but wholeheartedly. I recently spoke to a teacher who said it was sad that she only gets calls from parents when something isn't going well. There is never any positive feedback.

What did you say to this teacher?

I asked her whether she would call her parents if something nice had happened. As I said, parents don't have much time. But every mum and dad would be happy to receive one phone call a year in which the teacher only reports something positive about their child. Parents would get to know the school in a different way. After all, we perceive the school through our children's descriptions. And the children sometimes tell us things that, objectively speaking, didn't go so well. Because they then want to look good or fight for freedom. The image of the school is conveyed by the child.

A classic sentence would be: «I can't do my homework because the teacher didn't explain it well, explain it to me.»

Then it's not about explaining the task again as a parent, but saying: «Then go back to the teacher tomorrow and say you didn't understand it.» But many parents don't do this. Which is understandable. During puberty, the moments when parents and children grumble about school together are often the only times when they can still agree.

In the long term, this is not particularly conducive to a sense of togetherness between home and school.

That is the case. But if parents were able to listen to the teacher in a value-neutral way and take what she says seriously, and if on the other hand the teacher were to realise that she is accompanying the most precious of these parents into the future, then much would be gained. After all, children need a community that supports them, they need challenges that allow them to grow and they need role models to guide them.

Read more:

• «Schulpsychologen brauchen die Hilfe der Eltern». Schulpsychologin Ruth Etienne Klemm über auffällige Schüler und überforderte Eltern.