Mr Fthenakis, how do fathers see themselves today?
Mr Fthenakis, a few years ago you investigated the self-image of fathers. It was commissioned by the German Ministry of Family Affairs. How do fathers see themselves?
A number of researchers have repeatedly asked: How many hours does the father spend with the children? What tasks does he take on in the family? What is the quality of the father-child relationship? In contrast, I was interested in the ideal image, the subjective construction of fatherhood, the concept of fatherhood from the perspective of fathers and mothers . And together with my colleague Beate Minsel, I discovered something surprising: Two thirds of men between the ages of 22 and 45 define themselves in terms of social fatherhood. In other words, earning a living is no longer the top priority, but interest in and involvement with children and the family. This was a completely new finding that had never been seen before in this form. Only 33 per cent represented the traditional image of fatherhood - namely that of breadwinner.
This concept of fatherhood arises as soon as they become fathers?
No, it starts much earlier. This ideal image of social fatherhood can already be found in young men in their early 20s who don't even have children yet. So it develops very early on and then persists throughout the rest of the family.
How do you know that so precisely?
Because we interviewed fathers at different stages of their lives. What do young men think about it? What happens when their partner gets pregnant? How do fathers see themselves a few months after the birth of their first child? How has it changed when the child goes to kindergarten? When it starts school? When it reaches puberty? So we took a look at the turning points in fathers' lives. The astonishing result: the answer to the question of what a father should be like is hardly changed by the experiences of fatherhood.
«Childcare services for children can help to overcome traditionalisation.»
What do women expect from their partners?
This also surprised us: the women agreed with the men. Most had the ideal image of social fatherhood - only a third of the women represented a traditional ideal and saw their partner primarily as a breadwinner .
How well does the paternal ideal match what actually happens in families?
We can see that the self-image in no way corresponds to reality. Fathers and mothers do say: We both want to be there for the children. But when the first child is born, the father goes back to work - full-time, often working overtime.
In Switzerland, this applies to more than 80 per cent of all fathers whose children are 14 or younger. This is according to the latest figures from the Federal Statistical Office.
At the same time, you can see that the mother often retires from working life for many years. The birth of the first child therefore leads to a traditionalisation of the family model. There is a simple reason for this: the man usually earns more than the woman - which is why they both agree that he should be more involved in the job and she should stay at home. After that, most couples can hardly escape this traditionalisation. This even worsens when the couple has more children. The provision of childcare can help to overcome this traditionalisation.
«Fathers allow more freedom. And that promotes the children's autonomy.»
The man earns the money, the woman takes care of the household and the children - this model has worked for many generations. What's wrong with that?
It makes women unhappy, especially those who are actually well educated and want to continue working, but stay at home because of the children. This group was particularly unhappy in our studies.
The men have no problem with that?
Yes, of course. Fathers experience the same inner conflict that we know from working mothers. They find it difficult to reconcile work and family life. This applies to more than a third of fathers. Recent studies confirm this finding.
What impact does this have on family and partnership?
We have discovered this to be the most important source of problems within the parental relationship. If a man has an egalitarian self-image and wants to combine work and family, but his wife stays at home and has a more conservative approach, then you can see that this affects the man's well-being, conflicts arise in the partnership and his acceptance and appreciation of the woman suffers. However, this does not happen in the same way if the woman is also egalitarian.
How aware are fathers of their own self-image?
That is different. There is a group of men who reflect on this. However, most of them experience it unconsciously. They find themselves in a diffuse situation in which they feel somehow uncomfortable. But they can't rationally explain why this is actually the case.
«A good father should invest a lot of time and energy in the quality of his partnership.»
You say that conflicts arise when fathers and mothers have different ideals of fatherhood. What specific advice do you have for fathers?
A good father should invest a lot of time and energy in the quality of his partnership. How well he and his partner understand each other and build their relationship on mutual appreciation - these are the dimensions with the strongest predictive power for the development of the children. Put simply, happy couples are generally also good parents.
Speaking of children: how much do the children suffer when their dad is at work all day?
It is a mistake to believe that it is only the number of hours spent together that matters. Our studies show that the quality of the encounters is much more important. The fathers come home in the evening and devote themselves to their children. So the time spent together takes place in a relaxed context. And the fathers usually use this time very intensively. There are also many ways of signalling to the children that you are thinking of them. Even when you're out and about.
Some fathers deliberately go part-time or stay at home completely. Does it really matter to the children whether their father or mother is their primary carer?
There are two answers to this question. One is that if you analyse the skills of fathers and mothers, you will find far more similarities than differences.Both are equally suited to bringing up children from the outset.
And the second answer?
Men run a household differently than women do. Women feel solely responsible for everything. They delegate little, but check closely whether what they have delegated is implemented. And they set the standards relatively high. Men, on the other hand, see the household as a joint family task. They delegate more to the children, they don't set the standards high and they don't control much. In other words, fathers allow more freedom. And that promotes the children's autonomy.
More articles about the role of fathers
- What does current fatherhood research say ? How to be a good father?
- Single parenthood: a father tells
- To the large online dossier on fathers