More happiness in everyday family life

According to the United Nations World Happiness Report, Switzerland is the sixth happiest country in the world. But what exactly is happiness? Where can it be found and how do we teach children to lead a happy life? A guest article by Cornelia Hotz with 10 tips for happiness.

Happiness can come to us as a joyful state of mind or in the form of a favourable coincidence. While fate cannot be controlled, the question arises as to how we can consciously bring about happiness in the form of a pleasant state of mind. The pursuit of happiness is an age-old human longing, and never before has there been such an abundance of guides and workshops on the subject. Many seek happiness on the outside, be it through changing partnerships, challenging leisure activities or promising treatments. But while we often chase after happiness without success, we hardly have time to take a look inside ourselves. Yet this is where the key to a happy life lies hidden.

What positive psychology says about happiness

According to positive psychology, happiness can be learnt. Is there a formula for happiness that, if followed, will give us a successful life? In this branch of research, founded by American psychologist Martin Seligman in the 1990s, happiness is not just a cheerful state of mind, but a lasting emotional well-being. In order to achieve this, we need the ability to overcome problems and adapt to changing life circumstances. After all, happiness does not depend on who we are or what we have, but on how we think about our lives and how we act. With an optimistic attitude, we perceive positive experiences more strongly, focus on the good things in life and therefore experience more happy moments.
Self-determination also plays an important role in a good life. Only those who recognise their own needs and goals, align themselves with them and lead an authentic life will find peace. After all, what good is a great career, the perfect family and luxurious accommodation if we long for an independent life in a caravan? According to happiness research, other factors that have a positive influence on every person are commitment in the private and professional sphere, a stable social environment and experiencing as many positive emotions as possible in everyday life. It is worth taking care of your own well-being, as it has been proven that happy people are more creative, more socially competent, more successful and healthier in life.

What influence do genes have on our happiness?

According to happiness research, genes also have a major influence on our life satisfaction. People with a melancholic disposition find it more difficult to lead a happy life, while the so-called children of the sun go through life happily by their very nature.
People with a melancholic disposition therefore need to think all the more about how they can reinforce positive experiences and feelings in their lives so that their tendency towards gloomy thoughts recedes into the background. After all,bad feelings are not caused by external events as such, but result from our mental judgement of the situation.
This is where we can start: While we often have no influence over external circumstances, we can change how we think about them. Developing a positive attitude does not happen overnight. Just as our body needs regular exercise to stay healthy, our mind also needs to be constantly retrained in positive thinking in order to develop a confident outlook on life.

We have no influence over our fate. But we can influence how we deal with it.

Even the Roman philosopher Seneca said that life is not for sissies. But can we be happy even when our existence is plagued by the most adverse circumstances? We have no control over our fate, but the way we deal with losses and setbacks has a lasting effect on our well-being.
While some people survive serious events in their lives unscathed and move happily into the future again after a certain period of time, others are broken by even minor adversities. There are people who are exposed to massive restrictions of a health, financial or social nature but still describe themselves as happy, while others, who from the outside have perfect living conditions, are deeply unhappy.
The difference lies essentially in how we think and act. If we manage to maintain a confident attitude to life despite unfavourable external circumstances and events and take responsibility for shaping our own lives, happiness is within our grasp.

Happiness in education

Education is not only about teaching values and manners, but also about parents who set an example to their children of what constitutes a good life. Because the way we speak to our children becomes their inner voice. What our children hear from us every day moulds their subconscious into beliefs that will accompany them throughout their lives.
If we as parents constantly complain about how hard and unfair life is, our children will grow up with this belief and will focus on it in their lives. Instead, if we want to give our children a positive attitude towards life, we should constantly remind them that life is a gift and has many wonderful surprises in store.
Even in difficult situations, we should focus on the positive in order to teach our children never to lose confidence. Negative feelings such as pain, sadness or anger must have their place, but after a certain period of depression, confidence should return.
We should also give our children the opportunity to make their own experiences and mistakes from an early age. Learning to deal constructively with failure is fundamental to their personal development.
Children need space to develop. That sounds nice, but parents also need to be clear: Finding out what their children's strengths are and encouraging them often means saying goodbye to their own ideas about their children's future.

Happiness as an educational task for schools?

It is time for our children to learn what emotional well-being means at school too. Following similar developments in the USA, headmaster Ernst Fritz Schubert founded an institute in Germany in 2009 to promote life skills, joie de vivre and personal development in everyday school life (www.fritz-schubert-institut.de). He introduced the school subject of happiness, in which techniques for strengthening personal well-being are taught. Happiness as a school subject is now taught in over 100 schools in German-speaking countries and was first introduced in Switzerland in 2013 at Theresianum Ingenbohl in the canton of Schwyz.
Since then, a development has also been underway in our country that aims to anchor the promotion of life skills as an integral part of the school system. Emotional well-being as an educational goal is to be wished for our children, because only those who have learnt what makes a good life are in a position to find happiness.
Picture: Pixabay

10 tips on how to bring more happiness into your everyday family life

  1. Verstärken Sie die Wirkung guter Gefühle
    Geniessen Sie bewusst und mit allen Sinnen schöne Momente, die Sie alleine oder mit Ihrer Familie erleben. Zelebrieren Sie auch die kleinen Freuden des Alltags. Und erinnern Sie sich abends mit Ihren Kindern an die guten Momente des Tages. 
  2. Festigen Sie Ihre Gemeinschaft
    Machen Sie jemandem eine Freude oder bereiten Sie eine Überraschung vor. Planen Sie Aktivitäten und feiern Sie Feste, denn gemeinsam verbrachte Zeit ist in der Hektik des Familienalltags besonders kostbar. Überlegen Sie, für was oder wem Sie dankbar sind und bringen Sie dies Ihren Liebsten gegenüber zum Ausdruck, das wird Ihre Gemeinschaft stärken.
     
  3. Entdecken Sie Ihre Stärken
    Erforschen Sie Ihre Stärken und setzen Sie diese so oft wie möglich ein. Unterstützen Sie auch Ihre Kinder darin, die eigenen Stärken zu entdecken, aber wundern Sie sich nicht, wenn es andere sind als Sie vermuten. Schenken Sie Ihren Kindern den Freiraum, eigene Erfahrungen zu machen und sich für eine Sache einzusetzen, denn Engagement macht glücklich.
     
  4. Sorgen Sie für sich
    Nehmen Sie sich gelegentlich Auszeiten vom Familienalltag, um in einer anderen Umgebung Energie zu tanken. Gönnen Sie sich aber auch im Alltag Ruheinseln, in denen Sie sich ungestört um sich selbst kümmern können. Nur wer gut für sein eigenes Wohlbefinden sorgt, kann auch die Bedürfnisse anderer erfüllen. 
  5.  Pflegen Sie Ihre Paarbeziehung
    Kinder sind für jede Paarbeziehung Glück und Herausforderung zugleich. Umso wichtiger ist es, nicht nur als Eltern zu harmonieren, sondern sich aktiv um Ihre Liebesbeziehung zu bemühen. Planen Sie gemeinsame Aktivitäten im Alltag und nehmen Sie sich Auszeiten, um Ihre Beziehung zu festigen. Sie leben Ihren Kindern täglich vor, was eine liebevolle und wertschätzende Paarbeziehung ausmacht. 
  6. Gönnen Sie sich Entlastung
    Kinder fordern uns heraus, kosten uns Energie und dies während Jahren. Nehmen Sie jede Unterstützung an, die Sie kriegen, um Ihren Familienalltag so angenehm wie möglich zu gestalten. Es spielt keine Rolle, ob Sie Entlastung im Haushalt, bei der Kinderbetreuung oder auf andere Weise beanspruchen. Die Hauptsache ist, dass Sie den Anforderungen noch für lange Zeit gewachsen sind, denn Ihre Kinder brauchen Sie.
     
  7. Verabschieden Sie sich von Perfektion
    Träumen Sie nicht von einem perfekten Familienleben, denn Perfektion ist eine Illusion. Die ideale Familie existiert nicht, wir alle sind Menschen mit Unzulänglichkeiten und Schwächen. Gewöhnen Sie sich an die Widrigkeiten des Familienalltags und üben Sie sich in der Kunst der Genügsamkeit.
  8. Trainieren Sie positives Denken
    Denken Sie weniger über die Dinge nach, die in Ihrem Leben schief gehen, und erfreuen Sie sich daran, was gut läuft. Wenn Sie den Fokus aufs Positive legen, werden Sie mehr Glücksmomente erleben. Versöhnen Sie sich mit der Vergangenheit und blicken Sie voller Zuversicht in die Zukunft.
  9. Leben Sie ein gutes Leben
    Übernehmen Sie Verantwortung für Ihr eigenes Glück und leben Sie Ihren Kindern vor, was emotionales Wohlbefinden ausmacht. Was Sie Ihren Kindern über das Leben erzählen und was sie vorleben, wird deren Entwicklung nachhaltig prägen. 
  10. Nutzen Sie auch schlechte Zeiten
    Zu guter Letzt: Erlauben Sie sich und Ihren Kindern auch mal unglücklich zu sein, denn zum menschlichen Dasein gehören sowohl positive als auch negative Gefühle. Leben Sie Ihren Kindern bei einem Misserfolg oder einer Krise vor, dass man eine Weile traurig oder wütend sein darf, seine Zukunft dann aber trotzdem optimistisch und selbstbestimmt in die Hand nehmen soll. Es lohnt sich.

About the author:

Dr. Cornelia Hotz arbeitet als Coach, Mediatorin und Autorin. In ihrer Praxis in Zug begleitet sie Personen und Familien bei der Bewältigung von Krisen, Schicksalsschlägen und Konfliktsituationen.
Dr Cornelia Hotz works as a coach, mediator and author. In her practice in Zug, she supports individuals and families in overcoming crises, strokes of fate and conflict situations.

Read more about happiness and resilience:

  • What is happiness? Happiness depends much less on external circumstances than we think. Prof Sigmar Willi, lecturer in personal development and expert in positive psychology, talks in an interview about why parents should set an example of their own happiness above all else.
  • A resilient person can deal with defeat and loss. Parents also want to pass on this mental resilience to their children. And you can actually do a lot to help your child develop this inner strength. Read the articles in our large online dossier on the topic of resilience.