Media use: No orientation without rules

Two 15-year-old girls are talking. «On Saturday,» explains one of them, «I can stay out as long as I want.» The other reacts enviously. «You've got it good,» she says, «I have to be home by 10 pm every Saturday at the latest.» The first girl shrugs her shoulders. «I don't know. Maybe my parents don't care what I do on a Saturday night.»

Without rules, there is no stability. If we don't set boundaries, children and young people can neither test them nor break them. The framework gives them orientation. Agreements are important in media education because they teach children to regulate their media consumption independently.

Rules for media consumption protect children: From incorrect content. From excessive use. And from themselves.

Rules protect children: From incorrect content. From excessive use. And from themselves. Rules are often associated with strictness and injustice. Many of us remember our own adolescence, which was characterised by numerous rules and conventions. Fortunately, the days when parents stifled any form of dissent with patriarchal slogans («As long as you keep your feet under my table...») are over. Nobody needs to go back to that either.

Stay in dialogue with the child

Nevertheless, we need a new understanding of the concept of authority, a «positive authority», as the German child psychologist Wolfgang Bergmann puts it. Bergmann believes that parents should define rules precisely and enforce them. It is important to remain calm and generous.

Only with this balance will parents be able to maintain a dialogue with children and young people, even if they have once again gone overboard with their media use. How can we set rules? By involving our children in this process. This strengthens their sense of personal responsibility. Involving children in setting rules prevents them from having to announce decisions over their heads later on.

• Wozu sollen unsere Abmachungen gut sein?
• Was sollte deiner Meinung nach erlaubt sein und was nicht?
• Von welchen Medien sprechen wir? Smartphone, Konsole, Fernsehen?
•  Warum sind deiner Meinung nach zeitliche Begrenzungen nötig?
•  Welche täglichen Aufgaben und Pflichten warten sonst noch auf dich?
•  Wie sollten die Massnahmen aussehen, wenn du dich nicht an unsere Abmachung hältst?

As a rule, children as young as eight are highly motivated to participate in decision-making because they want to negotiate as many freedoms as possible for themselves. A nice side effect for parents: children listen attentively to them during a «negotiation discussion», often more attentively than on other occasions when parents assert their right to parenting.

In what form should we define rules?

Written agreements are a tried and tested option. Templates can be downloaded from the internet, albeit with pre-defined rules. A modular system that can be customised according to your own ideas, such as the media usage agreement developed by the EU initiative «Klicksafe», is more suitable. In addition to television, computers and the internet, it also regulates smartphone use in a single form. The target group is parents with children aged 6 to 12 and parents with children aged 12 and over. Media usage contracts are important tools, but not a cure for excessive media consumption.

Even the most sophisticated agreement with children is useless if the parents do not regularly ensure that it is honoured.

They serve to show children what they should pay attention to. And they are a reminder for us parents, because many rules are quickly forgotten in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Setting rules is not difficult, but making sure they are followed is. There is hardly a household in which there are not regular arguments with children when, for example, the television needs to be switched off or the computer game needs to be stopped. These discussions are often exhausting and gruelling. This makes it all the more important to establish rules together.

However, even the most sophisticated agreement is useless if the adults do not endeavour to adhere to it. Many children find it difficult to regulate themselves on their own because they completely lose their sense of time due to the strong pull of the media. Immersing yourself so deeply in things is, in principle, an admirable quality. That's why we shouldn't take it personally when children overdo it again with their media use or overstep boundaries. Children don't do it to annoy us. They do it because they are children.

Six tips for setting rules on media consumption

• Summarise briefly: The agreed rules should fit on one sheet, otherwise it becomes confusing.
• Visibility: The jointly drawn up rules must be clearly visible to everyone. A good place is the fridge.
• Moderation: Let the children participate; however, we parents must set the direction and moderate the discussion. A piece of paper with key points helps.
• Give reasons: In order for rules to remain understandable, we need to give children and young people a comprehensible reason. It's no use telling our children not to disclose any private data about themselves online if they don't know why.
• Pie chart: It helps to visualise how short a weekday is. Sleep, school and homework take up the lion's share of the pie. Together with the children, the parents visualise on the pie chart how much time is left for media in addition to hobbies and sports clubs.
• Review: The agreements concluded in the media usage contract must be reviewed and adapted on an ongoing basis. Children get older and their needs change.