MacGyver and the children of improvisation

I am often asked by other parents whether my work as an improvisation actor also helps me in everyday life with four children. Improvisation, acting out of the moment, follows certain principles. How do these principles of improvisation help me as a father?

Do it now and say yes!

The first improviser I met was called MacGyver and was an action hero from the 1980s. What I learned from him and what is also the first principle of improvisation on stage: «Do it now and say yes!»

MacGyver doesn't wait long, but fills a crack in the acid tank with milk chocolate. What could be closer to the children than this «Do it now!». Now means now, right now. Children are true experts in this first imprint rule. They act completely out of the moment.

That's not always easy for us adults. When I recently wanted to paint a table with my boys, the four-year-old found out that you can carve wonderful patterns into the table top with the metal reinforcement on the brush. Meanwhile, the older one reinforced the inside of the drawers so thickly with paint that they had to be painstakingly sanded down afterwards so that they fitted back into the holder.

What was improvised fun for the children was a disaster for me. And yet, at some point, the table was painted. «Do it now, say yes and maybe how» and everyone is happy.

But what do I do when my four-year-old son wants to sing «Alice, Alice, who the fuck is Alice» in the restaurant? What if he wants to cut his own hair? Or if he insists in winter without shoes and in shorts that these clothes are just right for him now? Do I then also say «Do it now?»

I am caught up in the helicopter drama, how much I want to look after my child, how freely I want to let it fly and have its experiences. The yes only helps me if I turn it into a «yes, exactly, and», i.e. if I add something from my perspective to the yes. That is improvisation.

I look for a game with songs in the restaurant without immediately upsetting the other guests, we cut our hair together or I at least insist on woollen socks in my sandals in the current temperatures.

Listen!

The next rule of improvisation is: Listen!

That sounds simple. We reproach our children every day for not doing it, but it is probably the hardest thing for us to do ourselves. For me, this has to do with the fact that proper listening includes the willingness to change. Proper listening is the enemy of all dogmatic parenting, which is not prepared to listen to children's suggestions and pay attention to them. Those who actively listen do not plan everything in advance and if the Tannenwäldli beckons for a picnic, why should we insist on reaching the barbecue area?

But it can also happen that I'm determined to look out over the snowy mountains on the Üetliberg at lunchtime with a cheerful smile on my face, but instead I'm sitting down in the playground with a pack of dry Darvidas and pushing the Rittiseili with a slight headache. Days out with the kids can go horribly wrong.

Allow failure to happen!

In such situations, I can reassure myself with what is probably the most important basic rule of improvisation: Allow failure! It's as much a part of life as being a parent. And that's a good thing.

What helps me to really allow this «failure» is the approach of Keith Johnstone, the old master of stage improvisation. He tells his students: «Be average»! Be average. But we have read Remo Largo, Jesper Juul and Nicola Schmidt and want to do it as well as possible! In my opinion, that's totally unnecessary.

In the age of self-optimisation, being average sounds terribly unsexy, but it helps me immensely when I'm a parent: try to be average and you'll have a more relaxed approach to everyday life with the little permanent improvisers. Because even a scratched table is just a table and MacGyver's hairstyle is not beyond all doubt ...

Read more:

• The thing with the children: A preliminary assessment
  Our author wonders what almost 18 years of being a father has done to him and what he has learnt from it. One realisation should be anticipated: Whatever you do in parenting - the opposite is always wrong.

• «Chills mum!» If you can't plan, you have to suffer. At the latest when your own menopause coincides with your children's puberty.