Loved, hated smartphone

I remember it like it was yesterday: My flatmate at the time is desperately holding out her mobile phone to me. «Steffi? Can you take it please? I have exams next week. I just can't concentrate with this thing!»

There is hardly a person, hardly a family, hardly a partnership in which a problem does not sooner or later arise around mobile phone use.

The coronavirus pandemic and its restrictions have exacerbated this. The latest JAMES study from 2020 recorded the highest increase in mobile phone use among young people in Switzerland since measurements began in 2010. Compared to 2018, young people spent 40 minutes more on their smartphones on weekdays and almost 4 hours more at the weekend. Many adults are probably no different: most of us are on our mobile phones too often and for too long.

When I recently received the brochure «Strengthening children» from the Canton of Zurich's Department of Health, I was overcome with a guilty conscience when I read tips such as: «Give your child your full attention, not the media! If you're often distracted by your smartphone, it's not good for your relationship with your child.» Or: «Model good behaviour. The rule for young children is: the less time you spend on your smartphone in front of your child, the better!»

Phubbing: How the smartphone jeopardises relationships

But we don't just reach for our mobile phones when our children are playing by themselves. More and more people are doing this in the middle of a conversation. In the meantime, this habit has become so widespread that it has been given its own term and several studies have been conducted on it: Phubbing. The word is made up of «phone» and «snubbing», the latter meaning «to offend or snub someone».

Studies show that phubbing mainly occurs in close relationships: in the family and among friends. The consequences are far-reaching: phubbing leads to conflict, alienation and the feeling that the other person's mobile phone is more important than the relationship. People who phub frequently lose empathy and experience more stress, depressive moods and less life satisfaction in the long term.

Behind this phenomenon is, on the one hand, the expectation of always being online and having to react immediately and the fear of missing out. On the other hand, a number of personality traits contribute to this, including social anxiety, emotional instability, low self-control and a lack of conscientiousness.

Most of us use our mobile phones on autopilot: we open our eyes and reach for our smartphone. We take a break and glance at the screen. A notification comes in and we react immediately. We have to wait somewhere and pass the time with Facebook, Instagram and co.

In the end, we realise that we haven't gained anything from this. Once again, we don't feel regenerated at all after a break in which we have been busy with news, emails and social media.

Three steps to a more mindful use of mobile phones

But what can we all do - whether young people or adults - to break through these automatisms?

In addition to the typical tips of switching off notifications, uninstalling certain apps and regularly checking your own mobile phone usage time, a three-step procedure can help us.

Catherine Price, author of the book «Endlich abschalten» (Switch off at last), advises you to ask yourself the following three questions every time you reach for your mobile phone:

• What do I want to use the smartphone for?
• Why now?
• What else could I do?

We can become aware of inner patterns, for example: «I often want to distract myself with social media because I'm tired or bored. Instead, I could read, listen to a radio play or close my eyes for a moment and doze off.»

So that you don't forget the questions, you can save them as a lock screen on your mobile phone.

«You just have to teach young people media skills,» is a common refrain. The «one» usually refers to the school, which is supposed to provide a few lessons on the dangers of the internet such as cyberbullying or cybergrooming, raise awareness of the signs of excessive media consumption and provide information on contact points for problems.

These endeavours are important. However, it sometimes seems to me that we demand too much from the individual when it comes to media consumption - in the sense of: If young people only receive enough information and develop sufficient self-control, the problem will be solved.

Sometimes a little social control isn't a bad thing

Unfortunately, however, some of the world's most influential companies are spending billions to achieve the opposite and keep us glued to our screens as often and as long as possible. The - admittedly somewhat lurid - documentary film «The social media dilemma» shows this very impressively.

It is often easier to develop a mindful approach to the smartphone if you are not left to your own devices. In this context, one young person told me: «Even though I would never admit it, I'm actually glad that my parents take my mobile phone away from me in the evening. At least then I can tell my friends that I couldn't reply to their messages because I had to hand it in.»

A teacher at the sixth form had a similar experience. As part of a project on dealing with screen media, the school carried out an experiment. For two weeks, the pupils handed in their mobile phones when they entered the classroom and received them back at the end of the day. As a group, they talked about the effects: «What is it like for us? How does it change the way we work together? How do we spend our breaks?» In the end, a surprisingly large majority of the young people were in favour of retaining the rule.

Such social rules are not just a restriction. They can also relieve pressure, allow new freedoms and free people from peer pressure. The individual no longer has to constantly decide whether to take out their mobile phone or not; they don't have to tell the other person to please put their phone away and engage in the conversation; and they don't have to explain to others why they haven't responded to messages.