«It's okay to be afraid»

Mrs Hasler, why do some children develop such a fear of school that they prefer to stay in their room for months instead of going to school?

During their time at school, every child is likely to experience situations that they don't like or that even scare them. However, children usually have strategies ready to deal with these situations. We call this self-efficacy. Children have the inner conviction that they can master difficult or challenging situations on their own.

Can you give an example?

A child is teased by other children in the playground. They can now say that they don't like it. Or simply not listen so carefully and continue playing with other children. Or seek help from a teacher. But if you lack self-efficacy, you feel like you can't do anything - so you leave the playground. If you choose this escape, something happens in the brain that favours an anxiety disorder.

Namely?

The child realises: The fear decreases as soon as I avoid the situation. For the brain, this is like a confirmation. What I've just experienced was really dangerous and I've only just managed to survive.

And that's why they're going to go for avoidance again next time?

Exactly. Normally, we have a good balance in the brain to assess dangers correctly. There is the emotional centre, which is easily irritable. As soon as we experience an unpleasant or dangerous situation, it puts the body on alert. The prefrontal cortex acts as a kind of counterbalance. It regulates the reaction again and reduces anxiety. In the example above: The children have annoyed me, but I can deal with it, so I can calm down again. However, if a child frequently experiences situations that frighten them and in which they don't know how to behave, the emotional centre in the brain is constantly irritated and overreacts. The alertness becomes chronic and difficult to regulate, and the anxiety can then spread to other situations.

The children then often say to their parents: I have a stomach ache or a headache. Does the anxiety actually manifest itself physically?

Anxiety is an extremely stressful situation for the body. We are very tense, hormones are released and you can feel it. What's more, most parents would probably not leave a child at home if they said: I don't want to go today, I got into trouble with a classmate yesterday. It's a different story with signs of illness such as nausea.

I can only get rid of the fear by facing it and realising: I can survive this!

Experts warn not to keep a child at home any longer if you have the feeling that they are afraid of school. Why?

Because I can only get rid of the fear by facing up to the situation and realising that I can survive it. You have to teach your overreacting brain that school is not dangerous. If you master a day at school, it has an effect on your self-esteem, like a reward. If, on the other hand, children stay at home for a longer period of time, there are other things that cause them anxiety: they miss out on lessons and may fear that their grades will be worse afterwards. And what do you say to teachers or classmates when you suddenly come back?

Nevertheless, parents find it difficult to send children to school who feel unwell or cry.

For parents, school anxiety is a very nasty thing: they see that their child is suffering. If they stay at home, they immediately feel better, so it feels like a good help. Nevertheless, teachers and psychologists say that it is important for the child to go. Parents often have the feeling that they are not being understood.

How do you go about treating children with school anxiety?

The first step is to talk to the child, parents and teachers to find out which situations could be problematic for the child. We also explain the anxiety mechanism and how it is linked to abdominal pain, for example. The child then has to face the anxiety-inducing situation step by step and learn to overcome the stumbling blocks - usually an anxiety attack - and go back to school. To prevent the body from completely switching over to the anxiety mechanism, we show the child, for example, how it can find composure so that it can regulate the anxiety down again on its own as quickly as possible.

Can you ever get rid of school phobia?

That's not the goal at all. It's okay to be afraid. It's about finding a healthy way of dealing with fear. I need to know how I can cope with it and master the situations that make me afraid. Here's another example: darkness can make us feel insecure or anxious. We have to deal with this. For example, we can learn to sleep with a night light or always take a torch with us. The fear of the dark remains, but it can be overcome. Sometimes it is weaker, sometimes stronger. So there can also be setbacks with school anxiety.

Does this mean that the child wants to stay at home again?

Yes, but in the past it might have taken a week to even try to go to school again. If they know the situation and have strategies ready to combat the anxiety, a day at home can be enough.

You mentioned that self-efficacy is an important defence against anxiety. How can parents promote this?

Part of this lies in the child's personality. But much is also practised, and this is where parents can play an active role. By letting children experience and master challenges, trusting them to do things and giving them responsibility. This also includes duties such as setting the table or taking out the rubbish bag. Things that children may not necessarily want to do. But they learn: I have to do it anyway - and I can overcome myself to do it. And instead of praising achievements, parents emphasise the process that led to them, as this motivates the children. So: You've practised maths, now you can do the multiplication tables better, that's great. The child learns that they can improve their level of knowledge independently by practising. The resulting grade is not so important