«It was important to us that our children think for themselves»
Sarah Vowles, 51, works as Director of Sustainability, and her husband Riff, 66, is a retired development co-operation specialist. They came to Switzerland from Canada 17 years ago with Rhiana, 29, and Khadija, 27.
Sarah: «I was pleased to see how our daughters have become more and more independent. After all, we wanted to raise them to be independent people. When they both moved out - Rhiana to England, Khadija back to Canada - I felt a sense of emptiness in the beginning. Now they are both back in Switzerland and although they live in different cities, we are in daily contact.»
Letting go sets something in motion, the result of which you cannot influence.
Sarah Vowles
Riff: «I am the youngest of seven sons. I think my mum felt the empty nest a lot more back then because she spent most of her life looking after us children. It was different for us. The period of life with the children at home was much shorter.»
Sarah: «I'm grateful that they just love being with us. You can't force children to be there for you. Ultimately, when you let go, you set something in motion that you can't influence the outcome of.»
Riff: «When we came to Switzerland from Canada, we had to let go of a lot of things. One of the biggest changes for us was that young girls here were often out late into the night. That would have been unthinkable in Toronto or Ottawa. I asked: She wants what? All night at a party? It was definitely a clash of two cultures.»
More freedom than in Canada
Khadija: «Switzerland is much safer in this respect. In Canada, it wouldn't be possible to travel alone by bus at night.»
Rhiana: «A lot of things here made it easier for us to become independent. In Canada, we were only allowed to go to school unaccompanied if there were older children with us. Otherwise we had to be taken everywhere and picked up again. Here, all my friends were allowed to go out longer than me. I rebelled against having to go home earlier and earlier.»
It is possible to be close to a person without sharing their world view. That is encouraging.
Reef
Riff: «It has always been important to us to encourage both of them to think for themselves. When Khadija converted to Islam some time ago, my first reaction was that I didn't understand this world view. But ultimately, she is an independent person and makes her decisions based on what is important to her. I see a parallel to my own story with my mum. She was a strict Catholic and I was brought up religiously, but I was never particularly devout. She accepted that. I think it's quite possible to be close to someone without sharing their world view. That is encouraging.»
Sarah: «When Khadija wanted to change her name as part of her conversion, I was surprised at first. But then we helped her change her name with the authorities. I also struggled at first with her decision to wear a hijab. I thought: does she have to cover so much? But then I realised how brave this decision was. But there was a moment when I thought: Is this still my daughter? Now I no longer have a problem with it.»
Khadija: «When I started wearing hijab, I was afraid to talk to my family about it. I imagined every conversation with every family member beforehand, thinking about how they would react. I'm very lucky that they supported me. I even think it has strengthened our relationship.»
