«It was a disaster»
We tell
Marco: We met 17 years ago in Claudia's home country of Uruguay, where I was doing a language course. It was love at first sight. Instead of travelling on after the course as planned, I rented a flat in Montevideo.
Claudia: «It was a fantastic time. We were so close, it was as if we'd known each other forever.»
Marco: «We wanted to stay together. As a freelance illustrator, I was able to work from anywhere.»
Claudia: «The fact that Marco would have tried to make a life for himself in my home country shows what I appreciate most about him: his open mind. The following year we got married in his home town of Basel. They say that a strong infatuation lasts a few months. For us, it must have been five years.»
Marco: «The first test was the birth of our son.»
Claudia: «I was at home for the first year, didn't get anything done, was overtired and irritable.»
Marco: «When Claudia started her job again, things eased up a lot. Then, during my second pregnancy, I was overcome with existential fears. I had always been aware that a career as an artist involves fluctuations, but now the thought of uncertainty was getting me down. It hurt to give up my dream job. It seemed to me that Claudia wasn't grateful for it.»
Claudia: «I had also made sacrifices, had left my home for him and given up my medical studies, had to make ends meet with temporary jobs and catch up on my education. When our daughter started school, it was like an awakening for me: I no longer saw myself as just a mum, but as a woman again. And I wanted to be desired as such.»
Marco: «Claudia complained that we had far too little sex. I, on the other hand, didn't find it unusual that we didn't make love as often as we used to.»
Claudia: «We obviously had different needs. I asked Marco what he thought about the experiment of an open relationship.»
Marco: «I wasn't enthusiastic, but I appreciated Claudia's openness. We gave each other a free pass on a trial basis. Claudia went out with a lover a couple of times, I registered on Tinder. The second date with another woman was good: the chemistry was right. We stayed in touch, I felt exhilarated and full of drive.»
Claudia: «Suddenly, the Marco I had fallen in love with appeared: the charming, enterprising man full of ideas. The fact that he had this energy for someone else and was so sluggish towards me broke my heart.»
Marco: «Many conversations followed. The open relationship experiment had failed. We learnt from this that love needs more care.»
Claudia: «And that probably doesn't involve outsourcing the good parts while leaving the bad parts for your partner. It was a disaster, but it also made it clear what we have in common.»
Read more about being parents, staying a couple:
- What makes couples strong
Many people want a partnership for life. But crises usually occur halfway through at the latest: The daily grind and stress gnaw away at the relationship. How does love work in times of a multi-option society? - «An affair is not a declaration of bankruptcy»
Couples and sex therapist Helke Bruchhaus Steinert knows what can help to revitalise eroticism when sex has become rare in everyday parental life. And explains why intimacy should not be confused with fusion. - «One big rollercoaster ride»
Sefora Cuoco, 28, a marketing coach and yoga teacher, and personal trainer Civan Oezdogan, 27, from Zurich have experienced the greatest happiness and the most painful abysses of life in three years as parents. - «At some point, enough is enough»
For Chiara, 40, and Curdin Erni-Biondi, 41, from Scuol GR, relationship crises always occur in winter: The father spends most of it on the mountain, which often pushes his wife to the limit. On the other hand, the parents of Andri, 10, Lia, 9, and Charlie-Corsin, 2, rarely have arguments in summer. - «Children move on, the partner stays»
Since becoming parents, Tabea Plattner, 43, and her husband Jonas, 45, from Hindelbank BE, have regularly takentime out as a couple. This has saved their love, say the musician and the agricultural scientist, parents of Janic, 21, Ramon, 20, Joel, 16, and Mauro, 14. - 5 tips for parents on maintaining relationships
Mums and dads often grow apart in everyday family life - find out what parents can do about it here. - The right way to argue and book tips
With the first child, the couple's relationship changes - and often becomes a partnership of convenience in the daily grind and stress. Here you can find out what parents can do to ensure that love and lust don't get lost and how to argue properly.