It takes a village: the importance of relationships with neighbours

«It takes a village to raise a child.» Our author Ulrike Légé had previously thought this was a nice saying. Then she found herself in a predicament. And the village caught her. Here she gives tips on how to be a good neighbour.

In the evening, our children still had beautiful children's rooms with strip parquet flooring. The next morning, the floor suddenly looked «as if a giant had been playing Jenga», as my daughter remarked. The parquet slats were scattered all over the floor, grey concrete with yellow glue stains shimmered through, and there was a musty, damp smell everywhere.

What had happened? Our handyman neighbour René spent hours with us looking for the cause: Upstairs in the living room, well hidden behind built-in furniture, the copper riser pipe was leaking. This was followed by huge water damagedownstairs.

My first reaction: shock paralysis. I just wanted to pull the duvet over my head and shut it all out. But countless phone calls with insurance companies and tradesmen had to be made immediately and decisions had to be taken: Who repairs what? How extensively do we renovate? Who will cover which costs?
And the most important questions: Where do we go? What do we pack quickly before the removal company puts everything into storage? Suddenly we felt like refugees.

"As if a giant had been playing Jenga!" The Légé family first discovered the broken parquet flooring. Then the water and mould stains on the entire floor. Picture: Légé

This time, Jacques from next door helped us. He rents out rooms as a bed & breakfast - he moved out for us and generously let us use his entire house as an interim rental. I don't know where the five of us with a young dog would have found accommodation at such short notice without him. And somewhere where the children could go to school as usual.

My friend Moni invited us all for dinner. Even Sunny, our Labradoodle, who was seething with stress, was able to relax under her table. My friend Jasmine brought us plum tart and a huge pot of ratatouille - comfort and nourishment at its best.
Our neighbour René and his wife Ruth, who had taken our children to their hearts as their «extra nonno and nonna», looked after the children and Sunny while I rushed off to appointments. Offers of help and good advice, hugs and words of encouragement came from schools, parishes, clubs, our neighbourhood and indeed the whole village.

This neighbourly help touched and impressed us. Of course, as a biologist, I have always been intellectually convinced that people are communal «allo-parents». With the deeply rooted need and knowledge that we can only raise our children if we are integrated into larger groups.
Nevertheless, it often seemed to me that the nuclear family is left to its own devices in everyday life. «It takes a village ...»? Just a saying. But in our difficult situation, neighbourly help suddenly became a reality for us: we couldn't cope without this village that supports us.
I would like everyone to have such a village and have therefore collected a few tips for good neighbourliness :

Which has helped us to build good neighbourhood relationships:

Love always helps, of course. Picture: Pexels

Sich vorstellen: Gleich nach unserem Einzug liefen wir von Haus zu Haus und klingelten. Kurz darauf, trotz voller Kisten und Chaos, luden wir alle direkten Nachbarn zu einem kleinen, unkomplizierten Apéro ein. There is no second chance to make a first impression – und neugierig sind sicher die meisten.

Zeit nehmen für reale Begegnungen: Auf der Strasse, über den Gartenzaun, beim Einkaufen – es gibt immer Gelegenheiten zu einem kleinen Schwatz. Wenn ich mich manchmal unter Zeitdruck fühle, erinnere ich mich daran, wie viel Zeit ich für Facebook, WhatsApp und Co. finde. Da wird doch so ein bisschen echte Beziehungspflege noch drin sein.

Vor Ort sein: Vielleicht ist das Café woanders schicker, der Supermarkt grösser, das Fitness-Studio besser ausgestattet – trotzdem erledigen wir vieles vor Ort. Es ist nett, dabei unsere Nachbarn zu treffen. Und es fühlt sich gut an, die Läden, Höfe, Betriebe und Vereine hier zu unterstützen.
Am Leben teilhaben lassen: Vorlieben der Familienmitglieder, Krankheiten, aktuelle News: Wir tauschen uns ausgesprochen gern mit unseren Nachbarn darüber aus. Natürlich muss nicht jeder alles wissen. Aber nur wer offen ist, findet auch Gemeinsamkeiten. Und so joggt man mal gemeinsam durch den Wald, trinkt zusammen Wein oder geht ins Theater. Auch Familien-Feiern und Aufführungen der Kinder haben wir schon mit Nachbarn genossen.
Hilfe anbieten und annehmen: Es gibt so viele Momente, in denen Nachbarn helfen können: Den Briefkasten leeren, Pflanzen giessen und Haustiere füttern, wenn jemand verreist. Einkäufe erledigen, gekochtes Essen oder Medikamente bringen, wenn jemand krank ist. Im Garten oder bei Reparaturen mit anpacken. Auch unsere Kinder finden das jedes Mal toll und spannend. Selber um Hilfe zu bitten, fällt mir noch schwer – aber «nein, es geht gerade nicht», darf schliesslich jeder sagen! Und helfen zu dürfen, ist auch für andere schön.

Ganz herzlichen Dank an alle, die uns gerade helfen!

The next neighbourhood aperitif will be held at our house for the housewarming. As soon as we have running water and stable floors again ... no matter what it looks like otherwise.