Is gaming just annoying? 7 aha-experiences of a mum
Do you know which game your child is passionate about and what makes it so interesting? Our editor found this difficult for a long time. Wrongly so, as she realised on a hike with her twelve-year-old son.
Gaming is not my thing. I don't know much about it. A bit of Super Mario as a child, some Tekken (a fighting game) and a few car races as an adult. That's about it. What I know very well as a mum, however, is probably the most popular parenting mantra (at least for sons): «Your gaming days are over.» And the constant negotiation of screen time («Can I game more during the holidays?»; «Just five more minutes, please!»). Added to this is a certain helplessness coupled with a good dose of anger that this topic takes up so much space in our family life.
It's not the muscles that are stubborn. It's the teenage brain that's stubborn.
Well, I thought, there are two options: Firstly, I could carry on as before (and let the latent anger fester) or secondly, I could immerse myself in this ominous game world and try to understand what's so brilliant about it (and hopefully get less annoyed in future). Unfortunately, it's easy to put off good intentions in a busy family life, so I stuck with option one. Until the summer holidays arrived and I suddenly had no other choice.
The art of distraction
Because I had the glorious idea of going hiking with a twelve-year-old. From Bivio over the Stallerberg (very worthwhile, with fantastic flora and fauna and practically deserted) to Juf, the highest year-round inhabited municipality in Europe (2126 metres above sea level).
She's not in her right mind, you might be thinking - and you're right. How do you get a petulant almost-teenager up the hill? By remembering lesson number one of the toddler phase: the art of distraction.
After all, it's not the muscles that are stubborn. It's just the teenage brain that's bucking. So I asked my youngest: «Tell me, what game are you playing and what's it about?» Wow, you should have seen that transformation: The grim look gave way to a highly interested face with sparkling eyes. The long snout turned into a chattering mouth that babbled along like the mountain stream next to us. The sluggish gait turned straight into a springy, highly motivated stride.
Just like Harry Potter
Together we immersed ourselves in the complex world of Fire Emblem: Three Houses, my son's current favourite game. He knows it from his brother, who is seven years older. None of his mates play it because it's already super old (according to my research, it was launched by Nintendo in summer 2019). First learning: five years is ancient in the gaming world). But he thinks it's very cool.
It's a strategy role-playing game set on the fictional continent of Fódlan, which is ruled by three kingdoms. «It's like Harry Potter, where there is also the House of Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Slytherin and Ravenclaw,» he explained to me enthusiastically. In Fire Emblem there are the Blue Lions, which is currently his house, the Golden Stags and the Black Eagles. «I never choose the Black Eagles, though, because they turn evil later,» he added in a conspiratorial voice.
If there is a fight, you don't see any blood. It's like Star Wars, where the characters you hit just fall over.
Son, 12 years old
A clever move by my son. Now he had me hooked as an old bookworm. I was all ears. From metre to metre, I learnt more about what fascinates my son about gaming and I have to be honest: It's quite a lot. I would like to share seven aha moments with you.
1. less brutal than expected
If the only access to gaming is the background noise, it's easy to jump to the conclusion that there's senseless shooting and slaughtering going on. This is not the case. In Fire Emblem, for example, the player takes on the role of a teacher who trains his protégés to fight before war breaks out. «It sometimes takes ages to recruit the characters. Bernadetta, for example, is very shy and needs a lot of attention and gifts until you finally get her,» my son explains to me.
If there is a fight, you don't see any blood. «It's like Star Wars, where the characters you hit just fall over.» My son emphasises that this is also the case with Fortnite (we have agreed that he can play it from the age of 13. But he already knows it from his mates). «There are also super funny characters there. For example, a guy with three green heads and pointy teeth. He's really cool.»
Another very popular baller game for twelve-year-olds is the mobile phone game Brawl Stars. The brawlers, or warriors, look like cartoon characters at a funfair (I had it shown to me later). When you defeat them, they simply disintegrate. Of course, there are also extremely violent games with very realistic depictions of killing. But these are only available to people aged 16 or 18 and are fortunately not yet an issue here.
In games like Fire Emblem, you can do an incredible amount and make your own decisions. I like that.
Son, 12 years old
2. many games are very varied
When I asked my son what he found so fascinating about Fire Emblem, the answer came quickly: «There's just so much you can do there.» He could explore the whole monastery, fight, solve tasks, hold tea parties, fish, eat, cook, talk to all the characters (that's part of exploring), buy things and much more.
«That was also the case with Zelda. But I've already played that twice. Shall I tell you about the weapons in Fire Emblem?» he asked with wide eyes. «Shoot,» I replied and learnt that there are not only swords, axes, bows and armoured hands, but also reason, a dark magic and faith, a light magic with which you can fight and heal.
3. the characters in the game develop
The characters in most games are not static, but evolve. At the beginning, they are equipped with a simple starter set and become stronger from round to round.
«In Fire Emblem, you start with a wooden or iron training sword. Later you can get silver warrior weapons. These are the strongest and they are mega beautiful. You can attack an enemy unit four times with them,» explains my son enthusiastically. Weapons can also be forged, which makes them stronger. Figures can also be turned into higher units. «For example, a citizen can become a Pegasus rider.»
Clearly: Fifa
- Bug: You've taken 20 shots on goal and the goalie saves them all, which is completely impossible. Even really difficult shots like the one with the instep into the crossbar.
- Bug: If you accidentally straddle your own player in your own penalty area and then get a penalty.
- Bug: Nasty referee: You straddle the ball outside the penalty area and get a red card for it.
Read more about anger in gaming from media scientist Florian Lippuner in the Fritz+Fränzi article: Gaming: What's the best way for parents to deal with it?
4 He who gamt is self-effective
One of the strongest draws to the world of gaming is the feeling of self-efficacy, say experts. The world in which the child is immersed is manageable and can be controlled. What weapons and abilities should the character have? Should it move to the right or left? Through this door or that one? The child decides. Is auto-teaching, as would be possible in Fire Emblem, an option? «I never choose that. I want to decide everything myself.»
I won't give up on shy Bernadetta. I don't want her to get angry.
Son, 12 years old
5. gaming awakens empathy
Up until that hiking day, I thought that gaming was a purely ego-driven affair that was mainly about winning or losing. The longer I listened to my son talk about his adventures in Fire Emblem, the more I realised that the player builds up a relationship with his characters that also awakens empathetic feelings. «I'm not giving up on shy Bernadetta,» he told me emphatically, «I don't want her to join the Black Eagles and become evil.»
6. gaming strengthens social cohesion
Many parents worry that gaming is isolating their child. If gaming becomes a problem, the child withdraws more and more, has no other hobbies and neglects their social contacts, parents should take action.
Otherwise, as my son confirms, gaming is the number one topic of conversation with his colleagues and therefore an important kit for social cohesion. For example, they can spend hours talking about game characters and their skins (the equipment with which you can give characters or weapons a different look), legendary stardrops (a particularly high prize in Brawl Stars) or nasty bugs in the football game Fifa (see blue box above).
Wouldn't it do us parents good if we could simply let out our frustrations?
7. uninhibited access to emotions
Parents are familiar with this: when gaming, people shout for all they're worth. Be it out of exuberant joy or deepest frustration. There are howls and yelps, shrieks and whinnies when the kids get their hands on the consoles. This is probably one of the reasons why many parents - myself included - are regularly annoyed by gaming.
Since I'm so open to this topic right now, I'll try to look at it from a different angle than the angry one. Wouldn't it do us parents good sometimes if we could just let our frustrations out?
