Is a gender-neutral upbringing even possible?
«Boys will be boys.»
Twenty years ago, this saying still had this slightly amused connotation, but today it is read more as an indictment of the aggressive masculinity that begins to develop in childhood. Boys don't have the best reputation. They are seen as more demanding, loud and more prone to fights.
While assertiveness or this «healthy aggressiveness» is definitely required in certain professions, boys often can't score any points with it in their school career. Their desire to compete is already put in its place on the playground.
If we take a step back, the familiar question naturally arises: does this gender difference even exist? Aren't we trying to create a world that is very critical of such gender attributions? Culture or biology?
My two middle boys, aged seven and ten, would never invite a girl to their birthday party. The younger one has even gone so far as to say that he doesn't want to have anything to do with these girls (yes, he actually said NOT YET). They love men's football, like to be loud and ... no, they don't drink beer (yet).
Clothes, toys, snack boxes and toothbrushes are strongly labelled according to gender roles.
I think I am a thoroughly emancipated man. It is important to me that the difference between the sexes is not really relevant. My wife and I set an egalitarian model for our children. Nevertheless, they obviously identify strongly with their biological gender.
There is also plenty of food out there for this identification. Clothes, toys, snack boxes and toothbrushes are strongly labelled according to gender roles. Market logic has reinforced this trend, after all, you can sell any product more than once if you attach a gender preference to it. In any case, I can't remember this being so noticeable in my childhood. And that was in the canton of Appenzell Ausserrhoden, which only introduced women's suffrage at cantonal level in 1989.
Critically scrutinise the rules of the game
What now? What can we do to make our children question this division of the world?
«Gender-neutral» education hardly seems possible in the current social context. To achieve this, daycare centre staff would also have to be persuaded not to put the boys in the «Bau-Eggä» at the age of five months and then report in the evening on how well Hansli played with the diggers while three-month-old Vreneli lay in the «Familie-Eggä».
Yes, dealing with gender roles is also a game. Of course, we can and must critically scrutinise the rules of the game.
We are currently reading Ronja the Robber's Daughter by Astrid Lindgren, and the boys like this girl who rebels against the patriarchal structures of her father's band of robbers. Or Eva-Lotte, the girlfriend of master detective Kalle Blomquist, who makes the detective work easier with her clever ideas and great zest for action.
I also showed them a video in which former professional footballer Martina Moser competes against Kay Voser (who also had a good foot in his playing days) in a skills competition. They have to hit targets with the ball, juggle over a distance or convert corner kicks directly. The fact that the woman wins this competition also impressed her. Boys can't just play football better for biological reasons. Practice makes perfect.
It is actually my hope that the stories will do the trick, that the stories of girls and boys who are different from the usual role models will shape my children's view of the world. We should tell them these stories.
