«I'm really scared about changing schools»

«Why don't you ask Sarah?»

Because we're moving to another town, I'll have to start at a new school after the holidays. I'm going to miss my current school friends so much, and I'm already really scared about changing schools. I'm so nervous I can hardly sleep at night. What if the new class isn't nice to me?
Magdalena, 10

Dear Magdalena
You're about to go through some changes: moving to a new place to live and , at the same time , starting at a new school, in a new class and with new teachers. I can well understand why this is worrying you. But every change in life also brings an opportunity – let's take a closer look at that.

Change means that something new is waiting for you. But as everything new is also something unknown, it can be frightening. This is a normal reaction – for both children and adults. This kind of fear often manifests itself as inner restlessness and triggers stress.

All major life changes involve a certain amount of stress.

Research shows that all major life changes cause a certain amount of stress. Interestingly, the body does not distinguish between positive and negative stress. This means that, for example, it is not only moving house and changing schools that cause stress, but also a wedding or a birthday party.

As you can see, it doesn't matter to your body whether you're happy or annoyed, sad or afraid. Either way, you can feel agitated and suffer from ‚stage fright‘ – that is, stomach ache, sweaty palms, a racing heart and so on.

Recognising and accepting stress responses

I'm sure you've had these kinds of stress reactions from time to time, haven't you? It's actually a natural part of life. When you look at it that way, there's no need to panic – you can simply think: «Ah, so that's stress – I'm familiar with it and I can cope with it.» I'd like to explain to you how you can cope with it.

Of course, you're already feeling the stress of changing schools, dear Magdalena. That's because you're already trying to imagine what it'll be like at your new school. You could now try to turn your excitement around. Imagine how everything is going to go really well: your new classmates will give you a warm welcome and you'll make some good friends. And now that you know that even anticipation can trigger a stress response, you don't need to worry so much when you feel these physical symptoms.

Strategy before starting a new school

You know what? Instead of waiting all that time until you've moved into your new home, you could (perhaps with your parents) pop round to your new class beforehand and get to know your future classmates and the teacher. Why not take them a cake if you like? I'm sure they'll be delighted!

Of course, a single visit doesn't leave enough time to get to know the new children ‚properly‘. But they'll have seen you once (and you'll have seen them too). And after the holidays, when you're actually there on the first day of term, you won't be a stranger to them any more.

Old and new friendships

You say that you're going to miss your current school friends. That's sad, of course, but it also says something lovely: because it means that your friends are really important to you and that you're all very fond of one another.

Trust that true friendships don't just fade away. They last, even if you can't see each other as often as you used to. After all, there are plenty of ways to stay in touch these days. Perhaps you've got a mobile phone yourself, or you could ask your parents every now and then to send a message to your friends or give them a call. The important thing is to stay in touch.

As a new pupil, it helps to be open and friendly towards others.

Now I'd like to come back to the subject of your new school: try to stay as open-minded and curious as possible about whatever may lie ahead. As a new pupil, it helps to show an open and friendly attitude towards others. Just go along with it if, for example, they invite you to go out. And don't let their curious glances and questions intimidate you – this is also normal behaviour and just means: «Hey, who are you? We'd like to get to know you.»

3 helpful tips for dealing with stress

Here are three more helpful tips you can try when you're feeling stressed:

1. Breathe in and out deeply: Place one hand on your tummy, just below your belly button. Breathe in deeply ‚into your tummy‘ – your tummy should expand like a balloon as you breathe in. Hold your breath for two to three seconds, then breathe out slowly through your mouth. Repeat this exercise five to ten times.
2. Count down from 50 out loud in another language (for example, in English or French):
   You'll find that this requires a bit of concentration. By the time you reach 0, your body will have already forgotten what was actually causing you stress, and you'll feel better.
3. Take a deep sniff of a strong scent: I recommend always carrying a small bottle of peppermint oil with you. Alternatively, you can get one of those peppermint-scented inhalers from the chemist's. It's handy because nothing can leak out, and you simply hold it briefly to your nose and breathe in deeply. Not only will your nose be clear for breathing afterwards, but the intense scent will also distract your body from stress.

There are many more ways to ensure that stress doesn't affect you as often or as severely. But these three tips can help in acute situations, such as exam stress just before a test.

Good luck and enjoy your new school!