«If parents get too impulsive, they lose the child»
Mr Zahn, are you increasingly dealing with cyberbullying cases in media and educational counselling?
What I'm seeing is more of an intensification. For example, cyberbullying often occurs in lower primary school classes. These children often don't yet have the resilience of teenagers, who are at least more likely to respond with an «Idiot, gang hei!». We are also seeing increasing sexualisation.
Children realise: I am someone when I stand out. And if I do something extreme, I'm more likely to stand out.
We recently had a case where children forced other children to move around like in a porn film. They filmed it and used it against the people involved. There was nothing like that in the past.
Why has the situation worsened?
Many children today receive a smartphone at an early age. They sometimes see things there that are not appropriate for their age. In addition, algorithms push content, even inappropriate content, if it generates clicks. At the same time, children realise early on the attention economy that characterises our society. They realise: I am someone if I stand out. And if I do something extreme, I'm more likely to stand out.
This is at an age when they are trying things out and looking for boundaries.
Yes, and still without a clearly internalised set of values. However, this also seems to be wavering among many adults when you see the harsh tone of behaviour online. Children pick up on this and test for themselves what effect a homophobic statement has. Of course, they don't know what they are saying. But it's still problematic. People used to scrawl slogans on walls. Today, people write them online.
What can parents do to protect their child from cyberbullying?
They should first be aware of their role model effect. In other words, they should ask themselves how they themselves are online and set an example of what they want for their children. Otherwise, it is difficult to give universal tips. I would advise strict parents, for example, who control everything or don't allow mobile phones for a long time, to take a more relaxed approach.
So there are also risks involved in not allowing mobile phones or controlling them too much?
It is a fact that media and its use have become a socially integrative factor for children of a certain age. It sounds strange, but a child can also be online too little. If they can't have a say, they are left out. If something bad does happen to them online, they won't have the courage to go to their strict parents.
Laissez-faire in media education is not a solution either.
That's right. A mobile phone is a powerful thing and you have to learn how to use it. It is best if parents let their child discover the media world, but accompany them in the process. They should often sit down with them and look at the apps and possibilities together. They can also show them how to set a profile to private and how to block or report someone.
Our experience shows: Families who fight back are «worse victims».
Parents should make it clear to their child that they can come to them with any problem. Or to the teacher or school social worker. They should know that they can get help at any time. And that you won't get upset or ban the mobile phone.
Children often don't tell their parents that they are being bullied. How do parents realise that something is wrong?
The behaviour of a bullied child can change. Sometimes it's small things. Perhaps they go to school later and later so that they don't have to spend time on the playground. Or they no longer eat properly, can't sleep well or seem depressed.
What should you do if you suspect cyberbullying?
You ask questions, quite objectively, and name bullying as a possible cause for the change in behaviour. If the suspicion is correct, try to find out what has happened. To escape powerlessness, we advise parents to seek professional support. It is also helpful to keep a log of the incidents, with screenshots if possible. At the same time, parents should respect the fact that their child does not want to talk about it for the time being. Children need a lot of normality in a situation like this to recharge their batteries.
Are there things that mums and dads should never do?
Parents often want to solve the problem immediately. «We'll call the Müllers now and say that's not possible!» If you act so impulsively, you've lost the child. Instead, you should show respect for their justified fear that calling the parents of the bullies will make everything worse. As a next step, it is better to contact the teacher and ask them what they have observed.
In which cases is it advisable to involve the police?
What is forbidden offline is also forbidden online. This includes serious insults, threats, coercion, blackmail, spreading falsehoods or comments against skin colour or sexual orientation. If something like this has happened online, it may make sense to report it to the police. Many parents worry that reporting the offence will make the situation worse. However, our experience shows that families who defend themselves are «worse victims».
Schools do their part, but with varying degrees of success due to insufficient resources.
What should I do if my child bullies me?
Even then, it is important to first ask objectively: «What happened?» Even if the child has really messed up, you shouldn't immediately impose a mobile phone ban. It is more effective to make them realise that this is not acceptable and to find out the motive behind the bullying. If you can address this adequately, it will be more effective than any punishment.
Cyberbullying must be tackled where it occurs, say experts. Are schools doing enough?
Schools can only react to developments and therefore sometimes lag behind. Media lessons were introduced throughout Switzerland with Curriculum 21. And school social work has been strengthened. These are just some of the many steps needed to counter cyberbullying. Schools are doing their part, but with varying degrees of success due to insufficient resources in some cases. We should therefore set the political course so that sufficient resources are available. Ultimately, we as a society are responsible for protecting our children.
