«I never thought I would need therapy»

At first, the mood swings came on gradually. I thought: It will pass. That's how it was at first. Then came the next hole. The downward spiral spun faster and faster. This state was alien to me. I was confused, increasingly desperate and lost the joy of what I loved.

I am a person who refuels by spending time with others. Now I didn't even want to see my friends. I was sad, tired, dragging myself to school. How much longer would I be able to cope? There was this feeling that I couldn't handle anything anymore. I started to hurt myself. This action was, it seemed to me, the only thing I could still control.

I went to the school psychologist, wanting only one thing: to unload the whole thing somewhere. I told her everything. After the appointment, it was clear: I needed help, and I needed my parents for that. A conversation followed in their presence. Telling them what I had kept from them for months was a horror.

My mum noticed my low when it all started, but didn't worry because I learnt to hide my feelings and went to school normally. I know that I can talk to her about anything. It's just that I've always been someone who prefers to deal with worries on my own and doesn't like to make others feel bad.

I learnt strategies that help me to understand myself better.

Lea (name changed), 15

Never in my life would I have thought that I would need therapy. I got the place quickly. I was diagnosed with moderate depression with self-harm. Almost a year has passed since then and a lot of heaviness has fallen away from me. The therapy has helped me a lot. It's good to be able to go there once a week to talk about what's bothering me.

I learnt strategies that help me to understand myself better. I keep a log of how I am feeling and what has helped me in which situation. This enables me to categorise my experiences and feel less helpless when things get difficult. I have learnt to put my feelings into words and now know how to talk about them when things get too much for me. It helps to do something good for myself: run a bath, have a cup of tea, go for a walk.

What triggered my crisis? I don't know exactly. Certainly not the pandemic. I have fond memories of the lockdown: there was always something going on with my siblings and the children in the neighbourhood. The fact that a friend turned her back on me and I didn't know why certainly played a role.

And school: back then, the topic of choosing a career was omnipresent. Unlike the others, I had no idea what I wanted to be, I had no plan. That was extremely stressful for me. A lot of pressure has been lifted since I realised that I'll soon be going to secondary school and don't have to worry about a career for the time being.