How porn dulls young people

Mr Pastötter, the internet makes it very easy for young people to access pornography these days. What influence does this have on their sexuality?

If it were that easy to say. After all, most research on sexuality is based on the self-assessment of those surveyed. However, not even adults always assess themselves correctly. So how can young people, who are only just discovering their sexuality, do it?

Why is self-disclosure about sexuality so difficult?

A simple example: even the question of how often you masturbate is extremely difficult to answer. Who keeps a record of it? And it could be completely different this month than last. Then there are ideas about how often you should do something. And there are even gender differences: When we ask men how many sex partners they've had, they tend to guess. Women, on the other hand, count. So they come to different conclusions. And we only attribute harmful behaviour, such as «watching too much porn», to others anyway.

So in your opinion, questionnaires are useless. How can adolescent sexuality be researched differently?

For example, by accompanying individual youth groups - in different places, in different environments. By gaining their trust and listening to them. But there are still no such studies today

Nevertheless, you see a danger in young people surfing porn sites.

This is due to a simple psychological rule: images are always more powerful than words. No matter how well we explain to children that porn does not correspond to reality, words cannot compete with what they see with their own eyes. For example, anal sex never shows that it is often associated with pain or that it takes a long time to rinse so that everything is so clean. Young people are faced with the extremely difficult task of keeping reality, fiction and then their own desires apart. Their own experiences could help them with this, but they often haven't had them yet when they come across this mass of porn videos that really cater to every preference. And this in the middle of the hormonal confusion of puberty. It's a bit like being hungry in a sweet shop.

Porn consumption also puts your desire for your partner to sleep.

Does that change when it comes to real experiences? Isn't sex with a partner more satisfying than pornography?

All respondents said yes. This is also because all of our sensory organs are involved. But if we have learnt from pornography that it is mainly the sense of sight that needs to be stimulated, we are confused or even disappointed when it comes to real sex. Young people have a handicap when they enter into a relationship like this. That's why they make statements like: «I feel like I always have to act as if a camera is pointing at me.» In addition, the orgasm is usually more intense when you masturbate alone and with pornography. Not only because you can fine-tune it manually, but also because the stimuli are very strong. And because you can click away at any time if something doesn't excite you or no longer excites you.

Is there also a risk of becoming numb to your partner's charms?

Of course! If I have learnt that every conceivable kind of sex with different partners is available at any time and without any effort and that I can also experience a really good orgasm, my partner has a problem. Again, there are no reliable figures, but my colleagues and I already have 17-, 18-, 19-year-olds in our counselling sessions who are in bed with their girlfriends and who are no longer turned on by anything.

Most children and young people are disgusted when they come across pornographic material for the first time ...

And that's why many people trivialise the problem. But there is the phenomenon of fear. We know this from horror films. We find them terrifying, but learn that they can also give us pleasure if we watch them often enough. Then they even promise a very special thrill.

Are young people having sex earlier today?

Rather the opposite. We learn to stop living out our needs and instead watch. Pornography even creates an inhibition threshold because the bar is so damn high. Really living sexuality is also a lot more work.

What can parents do about the power of images? Show your children romantic love films?

That's a really difficult question. Showing understanding for the fact that sexuality is overwhelming. And create an atmosphere in which children can ask questions. Point out the dangers of pornography, but don't count the number of tissues the boys use. And of course: set an example of loving relationships so that children and young people recognise their value. It should also not be underestimated that young people should know their needs. Pornography often has nothing to do with the body demanding satisfaction - it also works when the body has already had enough. It is pure consumption of a product.

In the canton of Zurich, the proposal to view and discuss pornography in school lessons was once discussed ...

That is very difficult. School classes are coercive communities. You shouldn't show anything that crosses the shame line. That only leads to the cool ones putting on an act and the quiet ones withdrawing even further. It might be conceivable in voluntary groups - for example in the form of a workshop at a family counselling session. But there is still a legal problem: adults are not normally allowed to show pornography to children. And even if young people have understood something intellectually, this does not necessarily mean that they should act accordingly.

About the person

Professor Jakob Pastötter is President of the German Society for Social Scientific Sexual Research and offers sexual counselling via Skype - also for young people and their parents.www.sexualitaetleben.de