How education succeeds: video and highlights

The video of the event in full length:

• Editor-in-chief Nik Niethammer makes the audience smile right at the beginning with two quotes: «There is no other sensible education than to be a role model, if there is no other way, a deterrent.» (Albert Einstein). (Albert Einstein) And: «There is no point in educating children, they copy everything we do anyway.» (Karl Valentin)

• In response to the question of whether parenting is finished at around the age of 12, Allan Guggenbühl replies: "The older children get, the further they distance themselves from their parents, the more they become like them." If parents have focussed their parenting on consensus, then it really does become difficult from a certain age. Many children or young people do adopt their parents' values, but through resistance rather than consensus and insight.

• On the subject of pressure among parents, Caroline Märki says that she notices in her coaching sessions how high parents set the bar and expectations for themselves. For Allan Guggenbühl, this is a good sign, as it shows that parents care, that they are involved and that they are thinking about their children's upbringing.

• All four experts agree that parents should not expect gratitude from their children. «When have you ever told a petrol pump after you've filled up?» asks Philipp Ramming rhetorically to the group.

• Eveline Hipeli transforms the sometimes widespread statement about children spending «as little time as possible» with screen media into "as many conversations as possible" about media with children and young people. Caroline Märki watches her teenage son play Fortnite and notices that a new character has suddenly joined the race. When asked who it is, her son replies: «My teacher. Allan Guggenbühl draws parallels with the introduction of the telephone and the fact that certain codes of behaviour had to be found in society back then. He thinks that the same will happen with mobile phones and the like. He cites restaurants as an example where the use of smartphones is prohibited. Philipp Ramming takes an extreme position, provoking that people should have a mobile phone from birth, and that parents and children should learn how to use them. Everyone agrees that the usual parenting questions of «How much? Of what? Why?» and parents need to clarify these together with their children. There is also agreement that the agreements also apply to parents and that they should also critically scrutinise themselves and their media use. Eveline Hipeli later notes that media is often used as a reward or punishment in everyday family life: "This gives media a status that it doesn't deserve.»

• When it comes to parenting mistakes, the mood becomes a little more serious and both Allan Guggenbühl and Philipp Ramming argue that parents should never lose sight of their children. That you should never stop noticing them and that you should always try to be in a relationship with them, Caroline Märki continues. Philipp Ramming believes that you should try to be there for them at the right moment.

• Caroline Märki picks up on the topic and finds the derogatory opinion about puberty hurtful for children. «Oh, he's just going through puberty!» is about as out of place as «Oh, she's just going through the menopause!».

• Finally, the panel summarises how they see education succeeding :
  Try, check, adapt and keep trying if you have failed, says Caroline Märki.
  Believe in your own children, with a good dose of optimism, and trust that the children will manage, says Allan Guggenbühl.
  You just have to like them, love your children, says Philipp Ramming.
  Talk to the children and, above all, listen to them, says Eveline Hipeli.

The next talk in the Kulturpark will take place on 2 September. Topic: «How school succeeds». The guest is psychologist and learning coach Fabian Grolimund. You can find all further information in our newsletter, for example.

On the next page, Nik Niethammer reveals his emergency plan for when parenting doesn't quite work out the way you want it to as a mum or dad:

These seven tips help me through difficult moments as a father:

• I am not alone in feeling that life with children is often exhausting, demanding and frustrating. It's very comforting to know that other parents feel the same way.
• I don't have to be perfect. Our children's happiness doesn't depend on me alone.
• I remind myself that love for our partner is at least as important as love for our children. Love for a child is instinctive and always there, love for a partner must always be earned anew.
• I try not to shout at our children. So not too often. Three times a month at most. Otherwise the effect fizzles out.
• I think of the Danish family therapist Jesper Juul, who once said: «Even good parents make 20 mistakes a day.»
• I remember our paediatrician answering most of our concerned questions with, «It's completely normal.»
• When it's particularly tiring, I repeat the mantra: «It's just a phase. It will pass.»
• I stick to my wife's favourite motto: «Let go. Relax. Be in agreement.»

100 questions and answers on education, family and school

Read more questions and answers from our big dossier here.

• Wie geht Erziehung? Was ist das richtige Rezept? Wie viel Sorge ist angebracht, wie viel Vertrauen nötig? 24 Fragen zum Thema Erziehung und Familie. 
• Wann ist eine frühe Einschulung sinnvoll? Wie lernt ein Kind zu lernen? 18 Fragen zum Thema Schule und Lernen. 
• Darf ich mein Kind per GPS orten? Ist Handy-Entzug als Bestrafung sinnvoll? 11 Fragen zum Thema Medienkonsum.