How do you talk to children about the refugee crisis?

The refugee crisis has left us speechless and hopeless. How can parents explain to their children what is happening?
Nicole Langenegger: Role play is a good way for children to deal with difficult topics. They often act out stressful situations in their everyday lives, for example with their dolls. For parents, this is a good opportunity to reach the child on an emotional level and to talk to them about what they are feeling.
How should parents talk to their children?
Eva Zoller Morf: By also trying to impart factual knowledge where possible. A teenager recently asked me whether the Islamic State would carry out attacks in Switzerland. You could answer that, for example: It can't be ruled out, but fortunately it looks like we don't have to be so afraid of such attacks in this country yet. And we can also explain to them that the Federal Department of Foreign Affairs (FDFA) issues recommendations on which countries people should not travel to due to the risk of terrorism. This makes it clear that this is information that helps us and that we can act on.

«It's definitely important to listen to the child when they express concerns.»

And if the facts are very thin on the ground?
Zoller Morf: It is definitely important to respond to the child when they express concerns. With regard to the current situation with refugees, parents can also ask counter-questions, such as: Why do you think they all had to flee their countries? Who is going on such an overloaded boat? And why? Who would even take the risk? And when the war in the countries from which the refugees are fleeing comes up, you can ask further questions: What does it mean if your house is broken, you have no bed, no running water? This makes it easier for children to understand why these families are fleeing to Europe. It's certainly not about hyping things up, but about helping children to put the horrors into words. Parents can also show the child that it is not easy to find answers, but that they take their questions very seriously.

And what if children and young people are already very compassionate and sad because these refugee children are doing so badly?
Zoller Morf: Children should never be denied these feelings. It also makes sense to express how affected you feel as a mother or father. We can then also discuss with the child what help is available, such as fundraising or collection campaigns. This enables the children to take action. And it can also be an opportunity to recognise how well we are doing here.
Langenegger: Asking the child is extremely important. It's also a good way of realising how much you can expect of the child. Because when children ask questions, they also have answers somewhere inside them. If the child wants to give away toys of their own, then the questions could be: Do you want these refugee children to be better off? What do you think these many people, who had hardly any space on the boat, took with them first? What do they need most?
Zoller Morf : It's definitely about showing solidarity with the child's feelings and conveying to them that it's absolutely okay to have these feelings.

«When mothers and fathers sugarcoat things, children learn above all that their parents are not honest.»

What do parents say when children ask why people fight wars or fly into towers and kill others?
Zoller Morf: We really can't usually explain to children how complex the causes of wars and attacks are. But a child will understand if we tell them: I often find it incomprehensible why such terrible things happen. And then perhaps we can explain to them that there are people who harbour such great anger and are so disadvantaged that they are capable of terrible acts.
Langenegger: So it's not primarily about making the war completely understandable to the children. In the sense of: As a mum or dad, I know the solution. Instead, it's about finding answers to questions such as: What does it take to prevent war? Why is there no war in Switzerland? To what extent does need play a role? This is a constructive way of dealing with this powerlessness.
Zoller Morf: And perhaps this also puts into perspective the idea of what need really means: not having the latest mobile phone isn't so bad after all ...
Some parents worry because they want to protect their children from all these horrors and give them a carefree life.
Langenegger: Yes, we want to give children a sense of security. But life is not absolutely safe.
Zoller Morf: I don't think it's helpful to «spare» children as a matter of principle. If mothers and fathers sugarcoat things, children learn above all that their parents are not honest.

About the interviewees:

Eva Zoller Morf
has a degree in philosophy and offers seminars on children's and everyday philosophy for parents and teachers as well as for children and young people. She also works as a freelance philosophy and religious education teacher for parents' associations, schools and other institutions. www.kinderphilosophie.ch
Nicole Langenegger
is a theatre maker and role-playing course instructor. She works in theatre education at schools. Her puppet theatre «PhiloThea» performs plays on topics such as life and death or happiness. www.philothea.ch