How children acquire social skills

Kindergarten is an important stage of development. It enables children to practise their own behaviour in social relationships in a protected environment and to adapt it to that of their peers in small and large groups. Kindergarten is therefore a time when important experiences can be gained that create a basis for building and maintaining stable social relationships in the future. This includes learning to fit into a group, to express one's own ideas and needs and to experience togetherness in this group, but also to adhere to certain rules of socialising.

Interactions with peers are central at this age. Encounters on the same level allow the child to develop and practise an understanding of equality and justice. This contributes to the child's self-image and thus to their self-concept. The self-concept describes the knowledge about oneself, about one's own feelings and the conviction that one can achieve something oneself. These experiences with peers therefore also influence a child's self-confidence and open up opportunities for them to set themselves apart from other children, but also to assert themselves and stand up for themselves.

Kindergarten children have a tendency to overestimate themselves

At the beginning of kindergarten age, children's self-concept is based on observations that are still strongly linked to a desired image of themselves. In this phase, children build themselves up primarily on strength and physical abilities and sometimes tend to overestimate themselves. This only changes during the second half of kindergarten and at school age. The assessment of their own abilities becomes more realistic and children define themselves more and more on the basis of their social relationships and can thus build up their own self-esteem.

By interacting with their peers, children learn to recognise their own feelings and those of others during their kindergarten years . In social interactions, they learn that others prefer it when they have their own feelings under control, avoid aggression and hostility and respect the boundaries of other children.

It is therefore the ideal time to practise how to resolve conflicts with others appropriately and deal with them successfully. Feeling accepted and showing consideration for others, taking an interest in others and empathising with them and acting accordingly are facets of social relationships that need to be acquired and practised at kindergarten age.

They are not only the basis for later relationships, but also a prerequisite for being able to absorb theoretical content, process it and acquire skills such as basic reading, writing and arithmetic.

It is only through encounters with peers that children learn to recognise their own feelings and those of others.

During kindergarten, children can try out and learn to understand friendships and therefore friendliness and unfriendliness, caring and helpfulness, but also how to deal with hostility. This includes experiences with rejection and being desired and getting to know the social and emotional consequences of one's own behaviour in social relationships.

These multifaceted experiences allow the child to acquire a repertoire of social behaviours that make long-term, sustainable relationships with peers, but also with other children and adults, possible in the first place. Last but not least, children can practise working together and taking responsibility during their time at kindergarten.

When adaptation is difficult

Kindergarten also brings with it the challenge of breaking away from close ties with their own carers - usually their parents - and finding their feet in a group and under external care. These challenges are an important opportunity for all children to develop their social and emotional skills and prepare themselves for further tasks.

Some children are overwhelmed by this and develop conspicuous social behaviour and emotional symptoms. They do not participate in group play, show aggression or outbursts of anger and find it difficult to adapt. However, kindergarten offers the opportunity to try out and practise new behaviours in a protected environment and thus improve their behaviour in social relationships.

Acquiring social skills is one of the most important tasks at kindergarten age. A socially competent child is able to assess and interpret the behaviour of others in practical interactions. These skills are acquired through social experience - no one is born with them. Dealing with others and thus forming relationships must be learnt and needs to be practised. Kindergarten is an ideal, protected space in which children can acquire the skills that are essential for school readiness and further development.

How parents can support their children in developing social skills:

Does your child think about what is expected of them in the second year of kindergarten?
is expected of him?

Don't worry too much yourself. What your child needs is your confidence. With your confidence, your child will know that the task can be mastered. Often talk about how you dealt with similar difficulties as a child. In this way, you can help your child to prepare and practise. Remember: It is normal for your child to react anxiously at first. Let your child know that you are thinking about them. Let them know that they may sometimes have to «endure» the morning at kindergarten and that they can spend the afternoon increasingly happier.

Does your child tend to be loud and sometimes have difficulty controlling themselves when playing with other children?

The ability to control oneself in exciting situations such as play does not develop at the same time in all children and usually develops a little later in boys. It also depends on temperament. Be confident that your child will master this developmental task. Support them by showing them that you trust them to learn to accept rules. Practise at home. Set clear rules and clear consequences. These consequences should be closely linked to the behaviour they follow. Consequences such as excluding the child from reading aloud in the evening for a week make no sense if, for example, the child cannot lose at play. It is more favourable to tell the child to calm down and then take care of the playing cards together. Don't shame your child if they can't control themselves, but offer them opportunities to «make amends».

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Read more:

• Wie findet mein Kindergartenkind Freunde?
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