«Help, our daughter keeps changing her hobby»

Our daughter, 12, has constantly changed her hobbies over the past four years. First she was in a gymnastics club, then she wanted to go horse riding, now she wants to play the violin. We want to help her find her passion. But it's getting expensive - and annoying. What do you recommend? Peter, 43, and Seraina, 40, Aarau
What our team of experts says:
Nicole Althaus: Ich liebe das Wort Leidenschaft, weil es so ehrlich ist: Ohne sie ist alles nichts, verleidet jedes Hobby, sobald es ein kleines bisschen anstrengend wird. Mit ihr aber ist alles anders. Der Preis dafür ist das Leiden, das Durchbeissen, das Ausharren und Weitermachen. Machen Sie mit Ihrer Tochter einen Vertrag: Sie bezahlen die Geigenstunden, aber nur solange sie regelmässig übt und bis 15 durchhält.
Nicole Althaus
I love the word passion because it's so honest: without it, everything is nothing, it puts a damper on any hobby as soon as it gets a little bit tiring. But with it, everything is different. The price for this is suffering, perseverance, perseverance and carrying on. Make a contract with your daughter: you pay for the violin lessons, but only as long as she practises regularly and perseveres until she is 15.
<img alt="Tonia von Gunten: Nobody needs an expensive hobby, and certainly not a violin! Many children prefer to spend their free time with their friends and above all don't want to do anything, which many adults unfortunately find almost unbearable. You could start a conversation with your daughter like this: «Listen, you've learnt a lot of new things over the last few years by trying out various hobbies. But nothing has really appealed to you and we think that's a shame. We don't know why that is. It seems that we haven't been able to help you find a suitable job yet, and that annoys us. What do you think?»« src="https://c02.purpledshub.com/uploads/sites/87/2021/08/492e405b66cc771f04873014409e1b75.jpg» />
Tonia von Gunten
Nobody needs an expensive hobby, and certainly not a violin! Many children prefer to spend their free time with their friends and above all don't want to do anything, which unfortunately many adults find almost unbearable. You could start a conversation with your daughter like this: «Listen, you've learnt a lot of new things over the last few years by trying out various hobbies. But nothing has really appealed to you and we think that's a shame. We don't know why that is. It seems that we haven't been able to help you find a suitable job yet, and that annoys us. What do you think?»
Peter Schneider: Kindliche Leidenschaften werden leicht überschätzt. Sie sind meistens nicht der Beginn einer lebenslangen Passion, sondern gehören zu den unvorhersehbaren Launen der frühen Lebensjahre. Unterstützen Sie Ihre Tochter, aber ruinieren Sie dabei weder Ihr Portemonnaie noch Ihre Nerven. Geigen kann man leihen, Musikunterricht gibt es in der Schule. Und wenn sie in drei Jahren noch geigt, ist das schön; wenn nicht, auch keine Katastrophe. Verlangen Sie keine Beständigkeit der Begeisterung, die eine Zwölfjährige nicht aufbringen kann.
Peter Schneider
Childhood passions are easily overestimated. They are usually not the beginning of a lifelong passion, but are part of the unpredictable whims of the early years of life. Support your daughter, but don't ruin your wallet or your nerves in the process. Violins can be borrowed and music lessons are available at school. And if she is still playing the violin in three years' time, that's great; if not, it's not a disaster. Don't expect the kind of constant enthusiasm that a twelve-year-old can't muster.


Our team of experts:
Nicole Althaus, 47, is a columnist, author and member of the editorial board of "NZZ am Sonntag". She was previously editor-in-chief of "wir eltern" and initiated and managed the mum blog on "Tagesanzeiger.ch". Nicole Althaus is the mother of two children, 15 and 11.
Tonia von Gunten, 42, is a parenting coach, educator and author. She runs elternpower.ch, a programme that aims to bring fresh energy into families and strengthen parents in their relationship skills. Tonia von Gunten is married and the mother of two children, 9 and 6.
Peter Schneider,
works as a psychoanalyst and columnist in Zurich. Until 2017, he was Professor of Developmental and Educational Psychology in Bremen; he currently teaches the history and scientific theory of psychoanalysis in Berlin.
Do you have a question?
Write an e-mail to: info@fritzundfraenzi.ch