«Help, my son wants a girlfriend»

My son, 17, is very worried because he doesn't have a girlfriend yet. How can I comfort him?
Simone, 45, Basel
What our team of experts says:
Nicole Althaus: Dass Ihr 17-jähriger Sohn sein Liebesleben so ehrlich vor Ihnen ausbreitet, ist ein Zeichen grossen Vertrauens. Es spricht für die Sensibilität, die Offenheit und das Kommunikationsvermögen Ihres Sohnes. Alles wichtige Voraussetzungen für eine befriedigende romantische Beziehung. Sagen Sie Ihrem Sohn das. Erinnern Sie ihn daran, dass es kein Alter gibt, in dem man den ersten Schatz gehabt haben muss. Und dass manche junge Männer in seinem Alter einfach gern und laut mit sexuellen Eroberungen bluffen, ohne dass dahinter viel mehr als ein schüchternes Lächeln stecken muss.
Nicole Althaus
The fact that your 17-year-old son is so honest about his love life is a sign of great trust. It speaks for your son's sensitivity, openness and ability to communicate. All important prerequisites for a satisfying romantic relationship. Tell your son this. Remind him that there is no age at which you have to have had your first sweetheart. And that some young men his age simply like to bluff loudly about sexual conquests without having to do much more than smile shyly.
Tonia von Gunten: Indem Sie das kleine Kind, das Ihr Sohn einmal war, loslassen und danach den jungen Erwachsenen, der Ihr Sohn heute ist, willkommen heissen. Geben Sie ihm die Zeit, die er dazu braucht. Eine Freundin für ihn herzaubern können Sie nicht, doch wenn er zuhören will, erzählen Sie ihm, wie sich Ihr Leben mit 17 Jahren angefühlt hat. Besuchen Sie zusammen einen schönen Ort und spendieren Sie ihm etwas Süsses. Er kann sich dabei ja schon mal ein bisschen um­sehen ...
Tonia von Gunten
By letting go of the little child your son once was and then welcoming the young adult your son is today. Give him the time he needs to do this. You can't conjure up a girlfriend for him, but if he wants to listen, tell him how your life felt when you were 17. Visit a nice place together and treat him to something sweet. He can have a look around while you're there ...
Peter Schneider: Ich schätze, gar nicht. Es sei denn, er bittet Sie um Trost. Und selbst dann wird Ihr Trost ihn kaum wirklich trösten, denn was wollen Sie ihm auch anderes sagen, als dass man in diesen Dingen nichts erzwingen kann und dass ihm nichts anderes übrig bleibt, als geduldig allzeit bereit zu sein. Am besten helfen Sie ihm, indem Sie (im Rahmen Ihrer Möglichkeiten) ein cooles Mami sind, das ihren Sohn so erwachsen wie möglich nimmt. Die Attraktivität der Mütter färbt manchmal auf die Söhne ab.
Peter Schneider
I guess not at all. Unless he asks you for comfort. And even then, your consolation will hardly really comfort him, because what else do you want to tell him but that nothing can be forced in these matters and that he has no choice but to be patiently ready at all times. The best way to help him is to be a cool mum (within your means) who takes her son as maturely as possible. The attractiveness of mums sometimes rubs off on their sons.


Our team of experts:
Nicole Althaus, 48, is a columnist, author and member of the editorial board of "NZZ am Sonntag". She was previously editor-in-chief of "wir eltern" and initiated and managed the mum blog on "Tagesanzeiger. ch" and initiated and managed the mum blog. Nicole Althaus is the mother of two children, 16 and 12.
Tonia von Gunten, 44, is a parenting coach, educator and author. She runs elternpower.ch, a programme that aims to bring fresh energy into families and strengthen parents in their relationship skills. Tonia von Gunten is married and the mother of two children, 11 and 8.
Peter Schneider, 59, works as a psychoanalyst and columnist in Zurich. Until 2017, he was Professor of Developmental and Educational Psychology in Bremen; he currently teaches the history and scientific theory of psychoanalysis in Berlin.
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