«Help, my son is shooting at people»

Reader question:
My son, 7, loves to play with guns and pistols. He takes them everywhere with him, even to the supermarket: «Bang - I'll shoot you dead.» I must have explained to him a hundred times that you don't shoot people. What else can I do?
Eleonore, 39, Berne

Nicole Althaus

Your son is doing what generations of seven-year-olds before him have done: playing with weapons and annoying mum. Children's instinct for their parents' weak points should not be underestimated. Maybe you're ashamed of his behaviour because you're a pacifist, or maybe it's just because our society is allergic to boys shooting up the place. Let your son keep his guns, but forbid him to take them shopping. And ignore his «bang, bang». He will soon lose the desire to do so. At least in your presence.

Kathrin Buholzer

I can understand your concerns and I think it's important that you share them with your son. Intervene calmly in the role play, give him feedback and look for alternatives together. Stimulate his imagination because you can give him another target to shoot at: A tree could be a dinosaur, a stone might be a little pirate. Make agreements with him, write them down and use them to limit where and when he can shoot with the gun. It would also be great if this could lead to an interesting discussion. For example, about life and death.

Peter Schneider

Look at it from a different angle. What else, if not people, should he shoot at in the supermarket? At the veal chop or the salami in the butcher's display? What's the point? They're already dead. At best, you could give him a small bazooka. In a child's imagination, this can even penetrate armoured cans. A flamethrower for the frozen vegetables, on the other hand, seems less educational to me for ecological reasons.

Nicole Althaus
47, is a columnist, author and member of the editorial board of NZZ am Sonntag. She was previously editor-in-chief of "wireltern" and initiated and managed the mum blog on "Tagesanzeiger.ch". Nicole Althaus is the mother of two children, 15 and 11.
Kathrin Buholzer
42, is a journalist, parenting counsellor, operator of the parenting blog "www.elternplanet.ch" and mother of two daughters, 13 and 11.
Peter Schneider
58, is a practising psychoanalyst. He teaches clinical psychology at the University of Zurich and is a professor of developmental psychology at the University of Bremen. He is the author of numerous books on psychoanalytical and socio-political topics and co-editor of the book series Spheressays. Peter Schneider is the father of an adult son.

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