«Help, my daughter's friend is cycling without a helmet»

I insist that my 8-year-old daughter wears a cycle helmet. What do I say to her when she points out that other children don't wear helmets? And should I tell her parents that they and their children are setting a very bad example?
This is what our team of experts says:
Nicole Althaus
You are definitely right to be firm with your daughter. Either she wears the helmet or she walks to school. However, it is also definitely too late to educate the parents of your daughter's classmates. And you probably have no choice but to explain to your daughter that coolness is first and foremost about being independent and not about being a follower. And that safety always comes before looks.
Stefanie Rietzler
I can still remember how reluctant we children were to wear a helmet. The traffic policeman gave us an impressive demonstration at school about the benefits of wearing a helmet. He dropped a watermelon on the tarmac with and without a helmet and explained to us: «This is what happens to your brain when you hit the ground with and without a helmet.» Affected faces and slight nausea all round at the sight of the squishy pink pulp spilling over the ground. Most of the parents never had to explain to us afterwards why it was necessary to wear a helmet.
Peter Schneider: Zum ersten Teil Ihrer Frage: Sagen Sie Ihrer Tochter, es sei komplett wurscht, ob andere Kinder einen Helm tragen. Wenn sich andere Kinder ein Loch in die Kniescheibe ­bohrten (ein ganz klassisches Argument), würde sie das schliesslich auch nicht ­nachmachen wollen. Was nun den zweiten Teil der ­Frage, nämlich die Eltern der helmlosen Kinder, angeht, so würde ich mich in diskretes Schweigen hüllen. In anderen Familien herrschen nun einmal andere Sitten und Gebräuche – das müssen sowohl die Kinder als auch deren Eltern akzeptieren lernen.
Peter Schneider
Regarding the first part of your question: tell your daughter that it doesn't matter at all whether other children wear helmets. After all, if other children drilled a hole in their kneecaps (a classic argument), she wouldn't want to imitate them either. As for the second part of the question, namely the parents of the helmetless children, I would remain discreetly silent. Other families have different customs and traditions - both the children and their parents have to learn to accept that.


Our team of experts:
Nicole Althaus, 51, is editor-in-chief of magazines and a member of the editorial board of "NZZ am Sonntag", columnist and author. She initiated and managed the mum blog on "Tagesanzeiger.ch" and was editor-in-chief of "wir eltern". Nicole Althaus is the mother of two children aged 20 and 16.
Stefanie Rietzler is a psychologist, author ("Geborgen, mutig, frei", "Clever lernen") and runs the Academy for Learning Coaching in Zurich.
www.mit-kindern-lernen.ch
Peter Schneider, 62, is a columnist, satirist, psychoanalyst, private lecturer in clinical psychology at the University of Zurich and visiting professor for the history and scientific theory of psychoanalysis in Berlin.
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