«Help, my daughter is getting reprimands from school!»

Our daughter, 14, has received several reprimands at school: Forgetting homework, being late, disrupting lessons. Now we have learnt that she has to serve five Wednesday afternoons of detention. Do you think this punishment is appropriate?
Here's what our team of experts has to say:
Nicole Althaus: Es ist ähnlich wie im Strassenverkehr. Wiederholter Regelverstoss erhöht die Strafe. Und ehrlich gesagt: Wer einmal richtig tief in die Tasche greifen musste, wird sich eher hüten, erneut die Regeln zu brechen. In diesem Sinne: Ja, die Strafe ist angemessen. Und der Denkzettel wird Ihre Tochter hoffentlich überzeugen, ihr Verhalten zu ändern.
Nicole Althaus
It's similar to road traffic. Repeated offences increase the penalty. And to be honest: anyone who has had to dig deep into their pockets once is more likely to be wary of breaking the rules again. With this in mind: Yes, the penalty is appropriate. And the warning will hopefully convince your daughter to change her behaviour.
Stefanie Rietzler: Es klingt, als wolle die Schule mit dieser Reaktion ein klares Zeichen setzen, dass es so nicht weitergehen kann. Vorherige weichere Konsequenzen scheinen ja wenig bewirkt zu haben. Das Nachsitzen wird Ihre Tochter ärgern, aber kaum zu einer Verbesserung der Situation führen. Gerade jetzt wäre es deshalb wichtig, die Schule nicht als Gegner zu sehen. Anstatt darüber nachzudenken, ob die Strafe angemessen ist, sollten Sie sich gemeinsam überlegen, was nötig ist, damit sich Ihre Tochter wieder besser auf die Schule und den Unterricht einlassen kann.
Stefanie Rietzler
It sounds as if the school wants to send a clear signal with this reaction that things can't go on like this. Previous softer consequences seem to have had little effect. Detention will annoy your daughter, but will hardly lead to an improvement in the situation. Right now, it is therefore important not to see the school as the enemy. Instead of thinking about whether the punishment is appropriate, you should think together about what is needed so that your daughter can get involved in school and lessons again.
Peter Schneider: Ehrlich gesagt: Ja. Von mir aus dürften es auch nur vier Nachmittage sein, aber wollen Sie wirklich mit der Schule über das Strafmass feilschen? Die Vergehen Ihrer Tochter scheinen mir gravierend genug für eine unzweideutige Reaktion der Schule. Machen Sie keine zu grosse Sache daraus, aber auch keine zu kleine.
Peter Schneider
To be honest, yes. I don't mind if it's only four afternoons, but do you really want to haggle with the school about the level of punishment? Your daughter's offences seem serious enough to me for an unequivocal reaction from the school. Don't make too big a deal out of it, but don't make it too small either.


Our team of experts:
Nicole Althaus, 49, is editor-in-chief of magazines, member of the editorial board of "NZZ am Sonntag", columnist and author. She initiated and managed the mum blog on "Tagesanzeiger.ch" and was editor-in-chief of "wir eltern". Nicole Althaus is the mother of two children aged 18 and 14.
Stefanie Rietzler is a psychologist, author ("Erfolgreich lernen mit ADHS") and runs the Academy for Learning Coaching in Zurich. www.mit-kindern-lernen.ch
Peter Schneider, 59, works as a psychoanalyst and columnist in Zurich. Until 2017, he was Professor of Developmental and Educational Psychology in Bremen; he currently teaches the history and theory of psychoanalysis in Berlin.
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