Giancarlo the coati always sneezes when he makes a mistake

Do you know Giancarlo the coati? If not, you absolutely must get to know him. Giancarlo helps impatient parents - and children who are reluctant to be corrected. He was invented by the mother of a first-grader who found the coati on the soft toy shelf during a trip to the zoo. She wrote to our team once:

«Giancarlo has been hiding in my son's school rucksack and comes to all school-age children. He sniffs out mistakes and sneezes terribly when he discovers one. Sometimes he even falls over. So once my son has done his homework independently and checked it for himself, Giancarlo jumps onto the desk. My son explains to him what he has done and then lets him sniff. If the coati sneezes, my son looks for the mistake himself and corrects it. The animal is a relief for us, there are no fronts. We have a lot of fun correcting him. Giancarlo, on the other hand, is a bit grumpy, he hardly finds any mistakes. But we can live with that. He gets his own hazelnuts in return.»

«The cattle are a salvation for us. There are no fronts. We really enjoy correcting them.»

Intuitively, the mother used a method that many child psychologists and social pedagogues use to talk to children about difficult or shameful topics.

«The problem is the problem, the person is not the problem»

This involves externalising a problem for the moment and deliberately separating it from the person: it's not the child who doesn't know how to spell, it's the devil who made the mistake. It's not the child who is moody, it's a moth that has crept into the room. It's not the mother reprimanding her son, but Giancarlo having sneezing fits. The Australian psychotherapist and social worker Michael White and his colleague David Epston write about this approach: «The problem is the problem, the person is not the problem.»

Younger children are often able to engage effortlessly with such an idea and help shape it enthusiastically: They describe their fear monster as a fat, shaggy black creature that crawls out of their pocket during the exam, or talk about what their mummy animal whispers to them.

Many children enjoy getting to know this newly discovered creature better. Suddenly they can tackle a difficulty that they might otherwise shy away from or shut themselves off from. Questions of the following kind help:

• Wie schaut das Wesen aus? Kannst du es mir beschreiben? Willst du es vielleicht malen?
• Wie heisst es?
• Wann kommt es hervor? 
• Was macht es, wenn es nicht bei dir ist? Wo steckt es dann?
• Was sagt es zu dir?
• Hat es denn immer Recht?
• Hat es auch etwas Gutes? Wobei hilft es dir?
• Wann wäre es gut, wenn du es ein wenig zähmen könntest? Wie könnte das gehen?
• Konntest du es schon mal besiegen? Wie war das genau?
• Aha, manchmal stört es dich? Wo könnte es dann hingehen? Wie kannst du ihm zeigen, wo sein Platz ist?

Solution in the form of a helper animal

Children are often more open to a suggested solution if it comes in the form of a helper animal, a fairy godmother or an invisible superhero. We can ask the child which animal could deal with the situation particularly well and what it might do and say to itself to make them feel braver, approach others or listen well.

A helping figure does not necessarily have to be developed by the child. For example, one teacher brought her first class a plush dog with a lead and a basket. She agreed with the children on its name and told them that this dog absolutely needed regular exercise. If a pupil got fidgety and restless in class, she would say: «Will you take our dog for a walk? I think he needs a bit of exercise.» The child walked the previously agreed route and then put the dog back in its basket. Isn't that a wonderful way to relax the situation without reprimanding or shaming individual pupils?

It doesn't always have to be an animal or monster that helps children to deal with their difficulties.

One teacher told me about a boy with ADHD who reacted very explosively to admonishments and criticism. One problem she really wanted to tackle with him was his constant chattering and singing during quiet work, which was increasingly disturbing the other children.

«Where's the off button for your radio?»

As the boy sat a little to one side, once again talking and warbling to himself, the teacher sat down next to him and whispered to him that «his radio» had probably switched on. The boy looked at her in astonishment. The teacher then briefly explained why it was important to switch off the radios when working quietly and asked if he knew an «off button» for his. The boy thought for a while and pointed to his chin. «Great! Do you want to switch it off or should I?» she wanted to know. The boy grinned, pressed his chin with his index finger and was quiet. His teacher smiled and thanked him. Later, when the boy started chattering and singing again, the teacher unobtrusively gave the «radio off» sign in his direction. More and more often, he managed to remind himself at the right moment that the radio was off the air and to close his lips. The teacher was amazed when she suddenly saw other children signalling to each other to switch off the radio when it got too loud for them.

Children enjoy getting to know the new creature. Suddenly they can tackle a difficulty that they would otherwise close themselves off from.

We can not only externalise problems in order to consciously take care of them, but also beautiful and important aspects of our lives. As Daniela Kunkel writes in her children's book «The little WE»: «A WE is created wherever people like each other.» The WE, a likeable, grass-green creature, wants to be cared for by friends Ben and Emma so that it stays big, healthy and happy. When children are mean to each other, call each other names or argue, the WE shrinks and feels bad. This is a great way to start thinking about what would be good for the WE in the family or at nursery school and how it can be nurtured.

Stefanie Rietzler

is a psychologist and author («Geborgen, mutig, frei - wie Kinder zu innerer Stärke finden», «Erfolgreich lernen mit ADHS», «Clever lernen»). Together with Fabian Grolimund, she runs the Akademie für Lerncoaching, a counselling and further education institute based in Zurich: www.mit-kindern-lernen.ch, www.biber-blog.com.
Stefanie Rietzler lives with her husband in Zurich.

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Stefanie Rietzler writes this column in rotation with her colleague Fabian Grolimund.
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