Gender-neutral education - does that make sense?

In the USA, a child called Zoomer is growing up «gender creative», staged by his parents to great media effect. And the first gender-neutral kindergarten in Stockholm can hardly save itself from enrolments. Are these important steps towards greater gender equality - or experiments that children have to suffer through?

Zoomer is two years old and lives in Salt Lake City in the US state of Utah. His parents Kyl Myers and Brent Courtney are raising their child in a «gender creative» way, as they call it. Only the closest family members know Zoomer's biological gender.
«We don't deny that Zoomer has XY or only X chromosomes,» explains mum, sociologist and gender researcher Kyl Myers. But she and her husband, a graphic designer, want to give their child the opportunity to discover and develop their identity in the first few years of life , far away from role models.
Because gender says nothing about personality, says Kyl Myers. Instead of «he» (he) or «she» (she), the parents refer to the child as «they» (they, plural). Myers and Courtney are careful to dress in gender-neutral clothing and to avoid conveying stereotypes with toys or books.

Egalia, the first gender-neutral kindergarten in the Swedish capital Stockholm, also follows this principle. Instead of «boys» or «girls», all children are «friends»; instead of «hon» (she) and «han» (he), the gender-neutral term of art «hen» is used.

Traditional fairy tales are nowhere to be found on bookshelves, as they convey too many stereotypical role models, and traditional songs are sometimes rewritten in a gender-neutral way. The kindergarten has long waiting lists. In Sweden, the state is working hard to achieve equality: since 2008, 12 million euros have been spent to counteract traditional gender roles in schools and kindergartens. A gender perspective, the equality of men and women in all areas of society, is an important part of teacher training.

Two-year-old boys do not favour «boy toys»

Not that there is anything wrong with such endeavours, says Dutch neurologist Dick Swaab, who is critical of gender-neutral parenting in his books. «Of course it's perfectly fine for children to favour toys or hobbies that are not normally associated with their gender.»

He also has no objections to the gender-neutral toy catalogues that are popular in Sweden, in which boys in Spiderman costumes push doll's prams around. «But it's an exaggeration if you're no longer allowed to ask whether a child is a boy or a girl at birth because it's not relevant. If children have to wear neutral clothes and play with neutral toys, you are depriving them of an important source of pleasure,» says the neurologist, and: «I don't think that this prevents - perhaps gender-specific - preferences for a toy.»

This concern is not shared by the Canadian-British gender researcher and journalist Cordelia Fine from the University of Melbourne. «According to various studies, the toys that girls and boys play with overlap anyway, as do the ways in which they play with them.» For example, a large study commissioned by the magazine «Child Development» in 2014 showed that two-year-old boys did not reach for «boy toys» more often than girls and that the latter did not play in a «girly» way more often or for longer than boys.

Is Zoomer facing an identity crisis?

Zoomer's mum Kyl Myers is also convinced that she is not withholding anything from her child. On the contrary: «Letting a child grow up in an environment where they can discover their interests without shame and without boundaries sounds like a very enjoyable childhood to me,» says the sociologist.

Zoomer attends a daycare centre that is very open in this respect: there are boys with long hair, girls who love cars, and even if the other children are «she» or «he», unlike Zoomer, her child is not an outsider at all, explains Kyl Myers. On the contrary: thanks to Kyl's popular blog «Raising Zoomer », «Z» is a little star in Salt Lake City.

More about gender stereotypes in our 02/2019 issue

This article comes from the February 2019 issue of our magazine, where we take an in-depth look at the question of where gender stereotypes come from and the truth behind the "typical boy - typical girl" myths. Order a copy of this issue here.
This article comes from the February 2019 issue of our magazine, where we take an in-depth look at where gender stereotypes come from and the truth behind the "typical boy - typical girl" myths. Order a copy of this issue here.

However, Dick Swaab wonders whether children like Zoomer will eventually suffer from their «gender creative» upbringing. «Gender differences in play preference are age-old patterns that have developed during evolution and have become established in our genes,» says Swaab. «The question is not just what gender-typical behaviour is, but what damage a gender-neutral childhood can cause.» Critics like him fear that children who are unable to categorise themselves as one gender will sooner or later experience an identity crisis - exactly what should actually be avoided.

Education is a social construct either way, says Kyl Myers. «Gender creativity» is not about denying that there are different genders, only that «children should be valued more for their individuality than for their conformity», says Myers - and: «I don't believe that role models that push women to the cooker and men into top economic and political positions are in our genes. They were created in a patriarchal society.»

What if Zoomer goes to kindergarten?

Swaab also believes that these patriarchal images need to be reconsidered. For example, he thinks it is good that the toy manufacturer Lego is also showing women in supposedly typical male professions in its new creations, such as a chemist or a space explorer. Gender-neutral education, however, is a «dangerous experiment on the backs of children».
Swaab is convinced: «If gender-neutral education were to be proposed as a formal experiment, no ethics committee would give permission for such a thing. But parents can bring up their children however they want.»

Kyl Myers finds stereotypes more dangerous than gender neutrality: "I believe that sexism has its origins in childhood and in the way boys and girls grow up. And I believe that gender-neutral education is the only way our society can achieve true equality."

But how realistic is it to achieve this? In a few years, Zoomer will start kindergarten. Will the child then still want to be referred to with the neutral pronoun «they»? His parents hope so. And will the little boy, who preferred playing with dolls to football in the gender-neutral Egalia kindergarten, still do so when he meets children at school who have not grown up «gender-neutral»?

Cordelia Fine believes that it is much more important than gender neutrality - but also much more important than emphasising gender affiliation - to raise children to be empathetic, attentive and courageous people who are willing to compromise, regardless of their gender. She says: "Children should not develop feminine or masculine qualities, but human ones!"

Image: Adobe Stock

More articles on the topic of gender stereotypes:

  • Hard-working girls, strong boys? 7 myths put to the test
  • Genetically speaking, boys and girls are almost the same