Gaming: What's the best way for parents to deal with it?

Five more minutes, then it's over! «Yay, in a minute...» the child calls out. And dives back into his virtual world. Continues building a palace with block-like elements. Sneaks up on enemies with his weapon drawn. Or tinkers with his dream football team.

It's a scene that many parents will recognise. After all, gaming is part of everyday life for most schoolchildren and teenagers: four out of five teenagers game at least once in a while. If you only look at boys, the figure is as high as 93 per cent, and 65 per cent of girls. These are the findings of the James Study 2022 conducted by the Zurich University of Applied Sciences (ZHAW), which investigated the media usage behaviour of 12 to 19-year-olds in Switzerland. But even primary school children like to play games: gaming is the most popular digital media activity among them, according to another ZHAW study - the Mike Study from 2021.

Gaming is about feelings of power and control. But it's also about feeling competent.

Marc Bodmer, Game Consultant

But what makes digital gaming so attractive for children and young people? What exactly is its appeal? «Gaming conveys a feeling of self-efficacy, that's central,» says Marc Bodmer. He is a game consultant, journalist with many years of experience in the field of video games and a passionate gamer himself. As such, he knows: «That my character moves to the right on the screen when I press the joystick to the right: That fact alone works deep down.» It's about feelings of power and control. But it's also about feeling competent: «I realise when I'm gaming: I can do this, I can do this, I'm good.»

Media scientist Florian Lippuner describes it similarly: «In a game, I'm the person doing the action.» It's different with films or books, which you consume passively. In a game, on the other hand, you write the story yourself: «I can decide what I do next.» However, the fact that a game must first and foremost be fun and entertaining is a prerequisite. It also depends on the type of game, what appeal it has and what needs it satisfies. «Shooter games are all about action, competition and thrills.» Open-world games such as Minecraft, a kind of digital Lego, are more about letting off steam creatively.

You can play Fortnite and concentrate on building. Or chatting with friends.

Florian Lippuner, media scientist

Games serve many needs

However, many games also allow you to pursue different interests. «As a teenager, I often played first-person shooters on tropical islands - because I loved sneaking through the undergrowth and looking out for animals,» says Lippuner. And Fortnite, a classic shooter game, is so successful in part because it also offers construction options, similar to Minecraft. «You can play Fortnite and concentrate on building. Or chat with friends. The combat might then become secondary.»

Bodmer also emphasises the social aspect. «Video games are like social networks with a common denominator, the game.» According to Bodmer, gamers talk about all sorts of things while searching for jewels or fighting zombies. «If they talk about their game, outsiders often can't follow.» Or think they are crazy when they discuss apparent absurdities such as blood-sucking skeletons. But: «Those who gamble enter a magical circle with its own rules. That's also what makes it so appealing.»

Games convey a sense of social connection - especially multiplayer games that let you play with others or against each other. Games also create a feeling of competence when you make it to the next level. And by experiencing themselves as actors who explore worlds with their avatar, players feel self-determined.

Deliberate incentives to keep you gaming

Connectedness, competence and autonomy: these are basic human needs that are central to motivation and well-being according to the psychological theory of self-determination. Researchers assume that the better a game fulfils the player's needs, the more motivating it is. Game developers make use of this psychological expertise and often create games that cater to these needs.

For example, many games adapt to the individual level of play, meaning they are neither over- nor underchallenging, but offer just the right amount of challenge. Some games allow newcomers to compete against bots, i.e. AI-controlled opponents, and win - so as not to frustrate them right from the start.

Many parents think they are the only ones who don't have it under control. But everyone is struggling.

Fabienne Marbach, Project Manager Akzent Lucerne

Games also provide ongoing feedback on progress, successes and rewards. Mechanisms such as these strengthen gamers' attachment to the game and favour the onset of a flow. Switching off can then become all the more difficult, especially for children and young people whose self-control is not yet fully developed.

However, the amount of time young people spend gaming has remained virtually constant over the last ten years. According to the James study, they spend an average of 1 hour and 41 minutes on weekdays - based on self-assessment - and 2 hours and 40 minutes at the weekend or during holidays. However, the discussions in families are probably just as constant as the figures on gaming duration: when does it tip over from «a lot» to «too much»? And at what point do we need to pull the ripcord?

When the game dispute escalates

Matthias Gysel, a counsellor at Elternnotruf, is familiar with these concerns: gaming is a common reason for parents to get in touch, alongside screen time. «Many report that their child no longer does anything else. They are constantly arguing about it, are afraid of losing access and no longer know what to do.» He often feels helpless and powerless in the face of the issue. «And sometimes contact with the child only happens through this argument. It's gruelling and increases the stress level in the family enormously.»

Because many parents call after an escalation, Gysel often has to reassure them first. Quite a few express concern that their child is addicted. Gysel then asks them what else they do apart from gambling. «Does it do sport? Does it meet friends offline? Do they go to school and do their homework? Or do they withdraw completely?» After asking more detailed questions, he usually realises that there is still a balance. «It's often reassuring for parents that I find gaming less threatening as long as it's only part of their leisure activities,» says the counsellor.

Fabienne Marbach also realises time and again how much parents are concerned about this topic. As project manager at Akzent Prevention and Addiction Therapy Lucerne, she regularly organises parent events on dealing with digital media at primary schools. «Many parents think they are the only ones who don't have it under control. When they come to our events, they see that everyone is struggling.»

Age recommendation as a guideline

Parents of primary school children are not only concerned about the duration of gaming, but also about the age-appropriateness of games. Fortnite, for example, is approved for ages twelve and up. Yet ten-year-olds are often already playing it. «My advice in this case is to really supervise the child,» says Marbach. «That's the only way to judge how they can handle it.»

She does not want to categorise age recommendations as sacrosanct. «They are a guideline, but every child is individual.» It is therefore important to find out about games and weigh up whether your own child is ready for them. However, she also warns against the idea of 100 per cent protection. «You can take all kinds of safety precautions and settings. And then the child may still come into contact with inappropriate content through other channels, such as friends.» It is important for parents to show openness at the same time - so that a child dares to tell incriminating things - and still take a clear stance.

Of course gaming makes you aggressive. But you can also get angry when playing football.

Florian Lippuner, media scientist

Fifa makes you more aggressive than all shooter games put together

There is another question that often arises when playing digital games. For example, when you almost break your Playstation in anger: does gaming make you aggressive? «Of course,» says media scientist Florian Lippuner. «You only have to game for half an hour to realise it yourself.» Incidentally, the football simulation Fifa is more aggressive than all shooters put together. «But children also have to learn to deal with negative feelings.» This trains their frustration tolerance.

«On the football pitch, you also get angry when you lose. Nevertheless, parents never say: stop playing football.» And it should always be emphasised: «Aggressive feelings are not the same as physical violence.» The equation that anyone who plays is running amok is simply wrong.

Whether and how virtual bloodshed in first-person shooter games affects players has long been the subject of scientific research. At the latest since the Columbine High School shooting 25 years ago, the question has been the subject of public debate - because the perpetrators had played excessive amounts of first-person shooters.

«In the meantime, numerous studies have disproved the causal link between violence in games and in reality or have shown a marginal connection,» says game consultant Marc Bodmer.

Violent games alone do not lead to violent behaviour

A few years ago, a meta-analysis by researchers at Massey University in New Zealand also found no link between shooter games and aggression. The analysis included 28 previous studies and data from over 21,000 young people.

The American Psychological Association points to a small correlation between violent games and aggressive behaviour such as pushing or shouting. However, it did not find sufficient scientific evidence for the link between violent games and violent behaviour. Rather, violence is a complex social problem that can be attributed to many factors.

«That doesn't mean you have to approve of games that contain violence,» says Bodmer. But this is a discussion about values. «Children can distinguish between fiction and reality. And they quickly learn that different rules apply in games.» It's clear that parents should support them in this. «Just like you show children that you don't fancy an earthworm.»

Marc Bodmer not only gives workshops on how to use games for parents, teachers and doctors. As a game consultant, he also advises families - and is convinced that many things are simply about education. Even when it comes to in-app purchases: «It's the parents who should prevent their child from making purchases on the family tablet using their credit card.»

From in-app purchases to loot boxes

In-app or in-game purchases can be used to buy game advantages, especially in free games. According to estimates, these free-2-play games generate around 80 per cent of the revenue from digitally distributed games. Sometimes a game can only be continued by making a corresponding purchase.

It is often also about outward appearances. So-called skins can be purchased to personalise characters. Fortnite, for example, has almost 1,800 skins. In the first year alone, manufacturer Epic Games is said to have earned one billion dollars from in-app purchases. «Of course, parents shake their heads and ask what this is all about,» says Bodmer. «But it's like branded clothing: It's about status, even in the game.» And the question that parents have to ask themselves again and again: What do I allow? And what not?

The situation is different with manipulative mechanisms - so-called dark patterns. One example is loot boxes, a type of digital treasure chest that can be unlocked, found or bought. They promise the chance of rare items, weapons or other things that bring advantages when playing. However, whether you get something useless or valuable is controlled by chance - and sometimes similar to gambling. Your own luck is usually overestimated.

Belgium and the Netherlands have banned loot boxes in certain games. There are no specific regulations in Switzerland. Only in very few cases do they fall under the Gambling Act. «Such mechanisms have no place in games,» says Bodmer. «Because they contradict the basic principle that video games are skill-based. Loot boxes can also lead to problematic gaming behaviour.» Nevertheless, he is not a friend of bans, «but of media literacy».

You undoubtedly acquire skills when you play games.

Florian Lippuner, media scientist

Keep an eye on the chat function

Another aspect that requires media skills and parental attention is the chat options offered by many games. On the one hand, children can be confronted with inappropriate comments, insults or cyberbullying. On the other hand, they enable contact with strangers.

Like social networks, online games harbour a risk of cybergrooming - attempts by adults to initiate sexual contact with children on the internet. Some chat functions can be deactivated or restricted. Either way, parents are well advised to remain vigilant and explain the risks to their child in an age-appropriate manner.

The learning effect of gaming

Games are therefore partly manipulative, can cost money, make people aggressive and are a risky place for cybergrooming. But they also have positive sides, and this goes beyond fun and entertainment: «There's no doubt that you acquire skills while gaming,» says media scientist Lippuner.

For his doctoral thesis, he analysed the biographies of gamers. «Some told me that the logical thinking required in strategy games helped them at school. Others felt that their hand-eye coordination had improved.» He himself is also incredibly fast with the computer mouse. «That also helps me at work.»

Studies confirm the positive effects of certain games. An often-cited study by the Max Planck Institute had adults play the racing game Super Mario 64 for thirty minutes a day for two months. Afterwards, they showed - compared to the non-gaming control group - an increase in grey matter in areas of the brain that are central to spatial orientation, strategic thinking and fine motor skills of the hands, among other things.

A Geneva research team, on the other hand, found that players of shooter games had a longer attention span. There are also studies that link action games with improved reaction and decision-making skills and Minecraft with increased creativity.

Practising media skills from an early age

Florian Lippuner even knows companies that specifically recruit e-sports cracks - professional gamers who take part in tournaments. Because they are convinced that e-athletes can coordinate at lightning speed or think with impressive logic. «But anyone who plays e-sports does a lot of gambling,» says the media scientist. It is therefore also a question of effort. «Especially as many skills can also be trained with other activities.»

Parents need to negotiate rules, point out risks and be curious.

Matthias Gysel, counsellor at Elternnotruf

The fact that children learn something while gaming may sound comforting to parents. However, it hardly changes the fact that children should not sit in front of a console, computer or smartphone all day. It is the parents' responsibility to ensure a good balance, so that children get enough exercise, meet friends and don't neglect school: «They should practise media skills with their children from an early age,» says Fabienne Marbach from Akzent Luzern.

This includes accompanying the gaming and developing strategies together that make it easier to switch off. However, she also advises not to immediately panic if the child is temporarily gaming more excessively: «If they come home from school and happily tell you about a new game that everyone is playing, this should be assessed differently than if they are only gaming in their own room and there is no longer any dialogue.»

Transferring responsibility

If gaming seems like an escape from everyday life, there is a real fear that the child could become addicted. According to a study by Sucht Schweiz, three per cent of 11 to 15-year-olds who play games exhibit problematic gaming behaviour. Matthias Gysel from the parents' helpline sometimes hears of children who withdraw completely, spend eleven hours a day or even nights on the PlayStation, have stopped playing sports and hobbies and even miss days of school.

He advises her parents to go to a specialist centre and tell the child: «We care about you and take our responsibilities seriously. Because we like you, we want a change.» For most calls, however, Gysel can give a warning.

Media education is one of the most challenging aspects of parenting. «And sometimes completely overwhelming.» You have to negotiate rules and point out risks. But curiosity is also always key. «I often ask parents if they know what their child is doing. Many have no idea and say: it just works.» Taking an interest, watching and having the game explained to them is important. It then often seems less threatening and you can see the positive aspects. And be it that the child learns English.

Gysel often tells parents that they should trust their child to find a way - even if they are responsible. «Finding a balance between setting boundaries and regulating game time and trusting the child to do something: It's a balancing act, sometimes a gamble, but ultimately a general parenting issue. Gaming simply makes it even more challenging.»