From what age do children understand irony?

The room is a mess, homework is sloppily done and the pocket money is barely paid out before it's spent again. Children can quickly drive you up the wall. Then we often scold, lecture and admonish them - usually without success. The children make excuses or get loud themselves. So why not respond with witty, mocking, even sharp-tongued remarks that, at best, make the children sit up and take notice? It's worth a try, because an ironic comment can defuse many a challenging situation.

Irony is a linguistic stylistic device in which words appear to contradict the actual meaning, i.e. the statement deviates from the actual message. The actual meaning of the sentence is changed by the corresponding contradictory formulation or emphasis.

Irony can address problems without the other person feeling attacked.

Ironic statements are intended to create a relaxed and positive atmosphere in critical situations, prevent verbal battles and reduce stress. This «communication trick» offers the opportunity to address problems without the other person feeling attacked and having to switch to a defensive stance.

«Irony can make conversations funnier and more entertaining,» says Zurich psychologist Moritz Daum , «and even make you laugh. It can make you pause for a moment during communication and increase your attention span.» For example, when the mum, looking at the building blocks scattered around the children's room, exclaims: «Yes, amazing! I think you really need more of those!» Instead of being annoyed and realising that there are too many toys, she communicates in a funny way that there are always enough.

A question of the stage of development

Depending on their age, children can also make their parents sit up and take notice. Zurich philosopher Suzann-Viola Renninger recalls a situation in which she asked her young son to help her tidy up after lunch, but he refused.

«In response to my reprimanding look, he said: "That's just part of puberty!» the philosopher recalls and says: «I had to laugh. Because one thing was clear: it would be a while before he reached that stage. I don't remember whether he cleared his plate afterwards. But I remember that we were both amused and I thought: he's cleverly got out of the affair with irony.»

Children often don't really understand irony until they are teenagers.

However, whether a child has the ability to understand ironic statements depends on their level of development. In exceptional cases, even four-year-olds can recognise the hidden message of some statements, such as the exclamation: «Great, I've finally broken my trousers again!» However, not all pre-school children are able to do this, as they generally find it difficult to recognise subtle expressions.

Six or eight-year-olds are more likely to recognise the clear gap between what is said and what is meant if it is formulated clearly and obviously, such as when a mother exclaims in the gelateria when she sees the sumptuous sundae: «Oh, such a tiny ice cream, we'll probably have to order another one!» Between the ages of nine and eleven, adolescents develop a deeper understanding of social contexts and begin to grasp subtle nuances of content.

Abstract thinking is required

But what cognitive prerequisites need to be in place for an understanding of irony to develop? «The ability to adopt perspectives is important,» says Moritz Daum. Perspective-taking is the ability to empathise with the thoughts, emotions and perspectives of other people. It enables us to understand the mental states of others and predict what they might be thinking or feeling.

«The ability to think abstractly is also important,» says Daum. «Understanding irony requires a certain degree of abstraction, as the true meaning behind the words you hear or read is not immediately recognisable. A rich vocabulary and an understanding of linguistic nuances are also an advantage.»

Because so many factors have to come together, children's understanding of irony develops slowly and is often only finalised in adolescence. For example, psychologists Eva Filippova and Janet Wilde Astington from the University of Toronto found in their research into children's understanding of irony that nine-year-old children do not yet reach the level of adults.

«A child only understands irony when it not only resolves the contradiction in meaning between what is said and what is meant, but also realises the intention behind the adult's statement. They need to be able to use signals such as facial expressions, body language and tone of voice,» says German behavioural biologist Gabriele Haug-Schnabel.

Ironic remarks can lighten up serious conversations, but they can also cause stress.

Use irony wisely

However, despite all the positive effects, there are situations in everyday family life where irony is not appropriate. Parents should avoid ironic comments if their child is in an emotionally sensitive or very tense situation. Children who suffer from depression or are autistic should refrain from using irony, as they do not easily understand social nuances and non-verbal signals. In these cases, ironic statements can cause additional stress.

Otherwise, ironic comments can be «little helpers» in everyday life when it comes to livening up serious conversations. The extent to which your child understands these and knows how to interpret them correctly is down to the parents' judgement.

So the father's statement with regard to the poor report card - «How wonderful, such an outstandingly good maths grade! You should become a teacher!» - can have two effects: If the son is self-confident, the way the father expresses his displeasure about the poor grade can motivate the boy to make an effort and improve in this subject. However, if the son is suffering from the situation at school and is already under pressure, such a comment could further unsettle and hurt him.