«For me, feelings of guilt are strongly associated with motherhood»

I tell

Social worker Nadja Stadelmann, 41, and car sales consultant Beat Limacher, 42, live with their daughters Luisa Ella, 9, and Joanna Emma, 7, in Wolhusen LU. As they both work, their daughters are looked after by someone else on two days of the week. This has triggered feelings of guilt, especially in Nadja.

Nadja:
«It often seems selfish to me when I go away with my friends for a weekend together and have a good time. My mum has never taken the liberty of doing that - just doing something for herself. And hardly any of my friends who have children seem to need it either. I also sometimes feel guilty at work. Especially when I'm a social pedagogue working a 40 per cent job looking after other children while mine, perhaps ill that day, are being looked after by someone other than me at home. In the long term, however, I wouldn't want to do anything differently despite these feelings of guilt. I would be an unhappy mum if I was always at home. I can only be a good mum to my children by taking good care of myself. Nevertheless, I often have a bad feeling. It's internalised, certainly inherited. But it's also often comments that make me feel guilty. It takes away my strength every time the other person pities my child because something is not going the way they would ideally like it to. «That poor child», they say, perhaps because they believe the girl isn't getting enough attention, love or closeness from her mum. And even if I believe that my children are doing well, such statements trigger small doubts. For me, feelings of guilt are strongly associated with motherhood. I believe that Beat is less preoccupied with these feelings and thoughts.»

«I can only be a good mum to my children by looking after myself. Nevertheless, I often have a bad feeling.»

Beat:
«Of course I know these feelings too, but I probably give them less space. When the children were younger, I had these feelings more often, but I would rather talk about a guilty conscience than guilt. If it came up, I wiped it away. Since the children have been older, this guilty conscience has diminished considerably, especially in relation to external childcare. I used to feel like I was pushing the children away against their will, but now I know that they're quite happy for Nadja and me to run off and spend time with someone else and play by their rules.»

Online dossier

Dieser Artikel gehört zum
This article is part of the online dossier Feelings of guilt. Read more on the topic, such as: When are feelings of guilt authentic and useful - and when are they inherited? Are we doing enough for our child? Or even too much?

Read more about feelings of guilt:

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