Five myths about siblings
Myth 1: The oldest is always the most intelligent
This is what the expert says: «Intelligence is more fluid than assumed,» says Jürg Frick, a paedagogue, psychologist and sibling researcher from Zurich. The assumption that first-born children are more intelligent is useless and belongs in the rumour box. «It's much more complex and can probably never be fully understood.»
Myth 2: Only children are spoilt
This is what the expert says: «Only children are better than their reputation,» says Jürg Frick. It is true that parents tend to spoil them materially. But without siblings, they learn to approach other children much more quickly so that they don't have to play alone. Even without sibling rivals, the children develop a close relationship with their parents.
Myth 3: Parents love their children equally
This is what the expert says: «Parents have a different bond with every child,» says social pedagogue and author Joachim Armbrust. This often depends on the situation, but is usually fundamental. Be it because they are very similar in character or because the birth was very formative. «The other siblings also notice this. That's why you shouldn't deny it under any circumstances, but explain where this bond comes from and at the same time convey to the other child that they are just as valuable to their parents, even if you treat them differently,» says Armbrust.
Myth 4: Nestlings have it easier
This is what the expert says: they may be treated with more leniency, but they often feel disadvantaged. «It's the combination of advantages and disadvantages that make sibling relationships so formative for a person's personality,» says psychologist and educationalist Hartmut Kasten. Siblings often only see the negative sides. In reality, however, all siblings benefit from each other, regardless of whether they are older or younger.
Myth 5: Jealousy decreases the older the children get
This is what the expert says: «Jealousy is never over,» says Joachim Armbrust. Even if, as an adult, you can categorise or even understand and comprehend the reasons for unequal treatment, jealousy can affect siblings for the rest of their lives. Sometimes even after the death of the parents, says the expert.
Read more:
- Geschwister – Zwischen Kriegsbeil und Friedenspfeife
- «Geschwister? Nicht so wichtig, wie Eltern glauben!»
