Sybille: «After 13 years together, we realised we'd grown apart. We could have carried on like that for another ten years, but then we'd both have been unhappy.»
Sascha: «We were still getting on well as a family, even from an organisational point of view. I really wanted to give Soey a stable family life, so I suggested we go to couples’ therapy, but Sybille was absolutely against it.»
Sybille: «I can't quite remember now exactly why I was so vehemently opposed to it.»
Sascha: «When Sybille turned down couples’ therapy, I no longer saw the point of the relationship. Before that, we'd never argued in front of Soey and we'd never raised our voices either. But our last two arguments were loud and in front of Soey. During the last one, which was in May 2022, we said: ‹Well, let's just split up then.› We still slept in the same bed for another two weeks after that, until Sybille decided I should move into another room. In the end, we agreed that we'd stay together in our house until one of us moved in with a new partner.»
Sybille: «Soey was eight years old at the time and, at first, tried to get us back together. She laid the table beautifully and served a lovely meal. Then we explained to her that we were no longer a couple, nor would we ever be again, but that we still got on well.»
When I found out that Sascha had a new partner, it really hit me. I realised that the break-up was final.
Sybille
Sascha: «In August 2022, I met my new partner and moved in with her in April 2023. It was important to me to find a flat nearby because we share the care of Soey 50:50. That's how we'd already been doing it before we split up.»
Soey: «I can't really remember the break-up very well. But the fact that Dad got a new girlfriend so quickly was hard for me.»
Sybille: «When I found out that Sascha had a new partner, it really hit me at first. I realised that the break-up was final, and I wondered whether I'd made the right decision. Even after he'd moved out, I felt awful for two or three weeks. And that was despite the fact that I'd actually been looking forward to having the house to myself and Soey. I can't say exactly what feelings came to the surface. Perhaps the feeling of being left behind. In any case, I had to make a few changes around the house to make myself feel better.»
Sascha: “Soey also found it a bit difficult at first. She soon started missing her other parent. So we changed our routine for a short while and she alternated between Sybille and me every day – even though that was very tiring for us. After a few months, we went back to the three-day routine and it's been working well ever since.»
Sybille: «These days, Sascha and I hardly ever have any arguments. Of course, I do get annoyed with him sometimes, or I don't agree with everything he does. But I don't have to say anything about it; I can just let it go.»
It is only when you know something about another person's life that you can develop empathy or understand their decisions.
Sascha
Sascha: «We've always given each other plenty of space. Even when we've had arguments, we've been able to talk to each other normally again afterwards.»
Sybille: «As parents, we keep each other well informed about what's going on in Soey's life – partly so that she can't play us off against each other.»
Sascha: «We also chat about what's going on in our lives. Because it's only when you know something about another person's life that you can develop empathy or understand the decisions they make.»
Soey: «I think it's brilliant that my parents still get on so well. Having two homes is great, and I feel at home in both of them.»
Sybille: «We also spend a long weekend together with friends once a year. It's a bit of a change for my new partner, but he's going along with it. Neighbours and teachers are often surprised at how well we're handling the situation. People still tend to think it's normal to be at loggerheads and have conflicts after a break-up.»
