Fathers, scuffle with your children!

One of the most influential theories in developmental psychology of the last century is attachment theory. According to this theory, parent-child interaction in infancy forms the basis for the development of a child's attachment to its mother or father. When parents are sensitive, respond to their child's needs and give them warmth and love, they provide them with a secure foundation. Children who have this secure foundation dare to explore their environment if they are encouraged to do so by their parents.

Fathers are more likely to encourage their children to explore their surroundings.

A new view suggests that mothers provide children with more of this secure foundation , while fathers are more likely to encourage them to explore the environment. The so-called activation theory assumes that the stimulating, destabilising play of fathers provides children with an environment in which they are emotionally and physically stimulated during play, for example when they wrestle with their father.
I call this way of being a father «activating fatherhood». However, all parents have experienced that there is «too little», «just right» and «too much» with hyper children. Fathers who are too rough with their children or don't stop roughhousing when the child has had enough can overstimulate them.

Scuffling as socially appropriate aggression

Many aspects of playful roughhousing can be seen as socially appropriate «aggression». It provides children with a stimulating environment in which they can practise regulating their emotions in order to participate in dynamic play without having to resort to socially inappropriate aggression such as violence.
For example, if your child is teased in the playground, they are able to decide whether to pick on the other child (socially appropriate aggression) or hit them (socially inappropriate aggression; violence).
In an initial study, we observed mothers, fathers and children at home and recorded the activating parenting style of both parents. This enabled us to investigate whether activating fatherhood has a particular influence on children that goes beyond activating motherhood. Our results show that Activating fatherhood leads to improved social skills and an improved ability of children not to give up immediately even when faced with a frustrating task.

Mothers also activate their children

So fathers play a unique role? As all parents know, context is key. Parenting styles that work for children in the playground are not necessarily right or appropriate when it comes to homework. In our next study, we looked at the activating parenting styles of both parents when dealing with one-year-old children.
We asked fathers and mothers to teach their children a few things at the research centre (such as hitting bars on the xylophone, hammering on building blocks of different shapes) and investigated whether fathers and mothers interacted with the children in different ways. We found fathers who showed activating behaviour, but also mothers who showed activating behaviour.
In our first study, we observed the families at home. For the second study, we brought the families to our research centre and instructed them to teach the child something that they could not yet do on their own. It all depends on the context.

Activating fatherhood can lead to improved social skills.

Perhaps fathers' activating parenting styles are particularly evident when they playfully wrestle with their children, which is more likely to be the case at home. Perhaps mothers and fathers practise activating parenting in other ways when they teach their children something.
We have now developed a new system to measure the activating parenting styles of both parents for the teaching task in the second study. We are currently analysing videos of 191 interactions between one-year-old children and their fathers or mothers. When the second child is 7 to 10 years old, we will talk to the families again - in a follow-up survey funded by the Jacobs Foundation. We ask parents and children about their relationship with each other, conflicts with siblings, social skills and the children's emotional and behavioural problems.
We are also investigating whether the activating parenting approach is only practised by fathers in different contexts and whether activating fatherhood influences healthy child development in the long term. So go on, fathers, tussle with your children! This will help them to regulate their emotions. But don't forget to pay attention to your children's signals.
Picture: fotolia.com

Conclusion:

• Activating fatherhood helps children to learn to regulate their emotions.
• Playful roughhousing is not harmful to children as long as the parents don't get too rough.
• In certain contexts, for example in teaching situations, mothers and fathers demonstrate activating parenting styles.

Jacobs Foundation:

As one of the world's leading charitable foundations, the Jacobs Foundation has been committed to promoting research in the field of child and youth development for 25 years. The Foundation aims to provide sustainable support for future generations by improving their development opportunities.

About Matt Stevenson

Dr Matt Stevenson is a postdoctoral researcher in developmental psychology at the Center for Human Growth and Development at the University of Michigan. He received his doctorate in clinical psychology from Arizona State University in 2014. He is interested in the role of fathers in child development and developmental psychopathology. His research focuses on attachment theory in the context of father-child relationships; the unique influence of fathers on the development of children's self-regulation and social skills; and the vulnerability of fatherhood and father-child relationships in marital conflict.

More findings from fatherhood research:

• What makes fathers special? And why don't they know that yet? An article about everything that makes a good father