«Everyone teases him and says he's a dreamer»
I tell
«Our son Can was a premature baby. You don't really notice that today, but perhaps it has had an effect on his current behaviour? He was always one of the youngest. In the second year, we received more and more calls from the nursery school teachers telling us about Can's unusual behaviour: he would shout and do a lot of nonsense. I thought: "He must be bored with kindergarten. It's time for him to go to school.»
At the transfer interview, the nursery school teacher told us that she didn't see Can going to school yet and recommended a third year of nursery school. My husband and I were certain that this was out of the question for us. So we ignored the recommendation.
The school year started well - for the time being. However, Can soon brought home punishment tasks. He continued to get up to a lot of mischief and on Fridays he brought home a mountain of homework that he hadn't managed to do during the week.
The teacher told us how absent Can was during lessons, that he didn't listen to her 90 per cent of the time and therefore didn't know what he had to do.
This sounded familiar to us parents: homework was a struggle every time. It took ages for him to complete an assignment because the eraser in his pencil case was much more exciting, or he discovered something on his hand, on the floor or, what do I know?
«He's just a dreamer - stay calm,» I often thought to myself, but it was really difficult. When the teacher recommended a school psychology assessment, I was a bit scared: what if they told us that Can just wasn't ready for school yet? What if he has to repeat first grade? Would I be able to cope? Can coped really well with the clarifications! He enjoyed going to the tests and never complained. At the final interview, we were told that Can had the intelligence for school. It was a huge weight off my mind. But the school psychologist suspected AD(H)S and sent us for a further assessment. We are very excited about the result and what options we will have afterwards.
Distance learning during the coronavirus crisis has shown me how exhausting Can must be at school. At the beginning, we were told that a first-grader would have one to two hours to do per day. For us, it took at least three. We had constant discussions with Can, he stole breaks, had no stamina and was constantly daydreaming. There was this incredible reluctance to do the tasks, there were tears, outbursts of anger. My nerves were on edge!
One day it went well, the next it was disastrous. Then sometimes Can couldn't even solve the simplest maths problems, like 2 + 3. Concentration was zero.
We parents know that Can could actually do it, but he simply struggles with his concentration.
I'm so glad that he receives intensive support at school from the integrative support programme and that he's not left alone.
I think Can also realises himself that he is «different». He often says it's always his fault anyway, that he's a stupid child, that everyone always teases him and says he's a dreamer.
Even though this behaviour at school is very stressful, Can has many positive qualities: he is super social, incredibly honest and says straight out when he has messed something up. He's great with younger children and can spend hours playing alone with his cars, action figures or Legos. Then he's in his own dream world.
Quick games frustrate him. He'd rather take his time to make something he's seen on YouTube. He also loves dressing up and putting on make-up, so he can look at himself in the mirror forever.
I'm not too worried about his future. He has his strengths, he's creative, he'll be something, I'm sure of it!"
Read more about dreamy children:
- «I wish teachers wouldn't explain so much in one go»
9-year-old Julin would be happy if things were quieter in his class and the teacher took more time. In his favourite subject, maths, however, he understands everything, even without listening. - «Something is broken in your brain»
Sindy Schenk, 39, lives with her daughter, 6, and her husband in the canton of Aargau. The trained nursery school teacher was a very dreamy child and had bad experiences at school. Today, she recognises herself in her daughter. - Dreamy children in the classroom
Quiet children who have difficulty concentrating on the lesson often get lost in everyday school life. The following examples from everyday school life show how teachers can succeed in meeting these children where they are. - Dreamy children under pressure
Concentrating, listening, working independently: Some schoolchildren find this very difficult. Why do children tend to daydream? What is the best way for parents and teachers to deal with a daydreaming child? And how do families manage to pause and daydream together in everyday life? - How to support dreamy children
Little dreamers are creative and imaginative, but often overwhelmed by everyday life. And at school, their tendency becomes a problem. How parents can help and support their dreamy child. - Strength training for the will
What helps us to persevere with a task and pursue our goals, even when the road ahead is rocky? A budgetary commitment and the conscious training of our willpower. - My child is dawdling!
Few things annoy parents as much as children who dawdle. Why can't your daughter just get dressed and come to the breakfast table? How to give dawdlers a gentle helping hand.