«Do you regret being a father?» and 10 other questions

Researchers have long agreed that fathers are just as important for a child's development as mothers. But how do fathers perceive their own role? And how do they reconcile work and family life? Answers in the big fathers' barometer.

For Europe's best-known father researcher Wassilios Fthenakis, one thing is clear: the experience with his own father determines how a man shapes his role as a father. «If he was a reliable, loving caregiver to his children, sons take their fathers as role models and later often practise a democratic upbringing that provides the child with a clear framework, but also gives them many rights to have a say.»

How do fathers in this country see their role in raising children in 2021? What values are important to them, what do they argue about with their partner, what makes them happy? And do they sometimes feel overwhelmed as a father and carer?

Our Fathers' Barometer provides the answers. We surveyed 1040 married, separated or cohabiting fathers in German-speaking Switzerland aged between 18 and 65 who work full-time or part-time and live in the same household with at least one child under the age of 16.

Commissioned by Väterbarometer: Stiftung Elternsein, publisher of the Swiss parenting magazine Fritz+Fränzi.
Survey: Opinion research institute Innofact AG, Zurich.
Period: 27 April to 5 May 2021.
Methodology: Online survey.
Scientific advisor: Diana Baumgarten, masculinity researcher, University of Basel.

1. have you always wanted to be a father?

79 per cent of the men surveyed have always wanted to have children, but it is interesting to note that fathers who are now separated were much less likely to want to have children (71 per cent) than married fathers (83 per cent).
79 per cent of the men surveyed have always wanted to have children.
Interestingly, fathers who are now separated were much less likely (71 per cent) than married fathers (83 per cent) to have originally wanted to have children.

2. have you ever regretted having children?

35 per cent of the men surveyed stated that they regret being a father occasionally or more often. Interesting: Of the men who work less than 80 per cent part-time, 47 per cent regret being a father; this is significantly more than full-time working fathers (34 per cent).
35 per cent of the men surveyed stated that they regret being a father occasionally or more often.
Interesting: Of the men who work less than 80 per cent part-time, 47 per cent regret being a father; this is significantly more than full-time working fathers (34 per cent).

3. what is your role as a partner in bringing up your children?

78 per cent of the men surveyed see themselves in a supportive role when bringing up their children, while 73 per cent assume equal responsibility as their partner - for most fathers, this is not a contradiction in terms. 75 per cent of fathers who work full-time stated that they bear equal responsibility for bringing up their children. For almost half of fathers who separate (46 per cent), both take on equal responsibility. For more than a third of fathers (35 per cent), the father is primarily responsible for raising the children. (The participants indicated their agreement with the statements on a scale from 1 (strongly disagree) to 5 (strongly agree). Percentages: Percentage of top values 4 and 5).
78 per cent of the men surveyed see themselves in a supportive role when it comes to raising children, while 73 per cent assume equal responsibility as their partner - for most fathers, this is not a contradiction in terms.
What is striking is that three quarters of fathers who work full-time (75 per cent) stated that they bear equal responsibility for bringing up their children. For almost half of fathers who separate (46 per cent), both take on equal responsibility, and for more than a third of fathers who separate (35 per cent), the father is primarily responsible for bringing up the children.

(The participants indicated their agreement with the statements on a scale from 1 (strongly disagree) to 5 (strongly agree). Percentages: Percentage of top values 4 and 5).

4. is there a clear division of tasks between you and the mother?

52 per cent of the men surveyed have agreed a clear division of responsibilities with their partner. Of these, 17 per cent stick to it all the time, while 28 per cent admitted that they do not strictly adhere to the division of responsibilities. 7 per cent admitted that they had agreed to a division of responsibilities but did not really adhere to it.interesting: although fathers who live apart are much more likely to have a clear division of responsibilities (65 per cent) than the others, more than a third of fathers who live apart do not.
52 per cent of the men surveyed have agreed a clear division of responsibilities with their partner. Of these, 17 per cent stick to it all the time, while 28 per cent admitted that they do not strictly follow the division of tasks. 7 per cent admitted that they had agreed to a division of responsibilities but did not really stick to it.
Interestingly, although fathers who live apart are much more likely (65 per cent) to have a clear division of responsibilities than the others, more than a third of fathers who live apart do not.

5 When do you spend time with your children?

95 per cent of the men surveyed spend time with their children at the weekend - a statistical average (median) of 9 hours per day. Almost as many fathers (92 per cent) stated that they also spend time with their children in the evening during the week - 2 hours per day. 76 per cent of fathers who work full-time also spend time with their children in the morning and during the day on weekdays - 1 hour per day.
95 per cent of the men surveyed spend time with their children at the weekend - a statistical average (median) of 9 hours per day. Almost as many fathers (92 per cent) stated that they are also there for their children in the evenings during the week - 2 hours per day.
Interesting: 76 per cent of fathers who work full-time also spend time with their children in the morning and during the day on weekdays - 1 hour per day.

6. what do you attach particular importance to in education?

Only just under half of the men surveyed stated that the self-determination of their child is important to them in their parenting work. Respect for other children (65 per cent), listening (57 per cent), setting boundaries (56 per cent) and passing on their own values (54 per cent) were mentioned much more frequently. Only 29 per cent of the fathers surveyed considered good school grades to be a priority in their parenting work, which is interesting to note: grades are more important for older fathers than for younger fathers - as well as for fathers of single children compared to fathers of several children. And: For 31 per cent of fathers with a full-time job, good school grades are important - for fathers who work 80 to 90 per cent, the figure is only 21 per cent. (Respondents opted for a maximum of five topics from a selection. Percentages: Percentage of mentions).
Only just under half of the men surveyed stated that the self-determination of their child is important to them in their parenting work. Respect for other children (65 per cent), listening (57 per cent), setting boundaries (56 per cent) and passing on their own values (54 per cent) were mentioned much more frequently. Only 29 per cent of the fathers surveyed considered good school grades to be a priority in their parenting work.
Interesting: For older fathers, grades are more important than for young fathers - as well as for fathers of single children compared to fathers of several children. And: For 31 per cent of fathers with a full-time job, good school grades are important - for fathers who work 80 to 90 per cent of the time, the figure is only 21 per cent.

(Respondents opted for a maximum of five topics from a selection. Percentages: Percentage of mentions).

7 How do you perceive your role as a father?

38 per cent of the fathers surveyed describe themselves as authoritarian. Interestingly, fathers play a decisive role for almost all fathers: 48 per cent distance themselves from their father and consciously bring up their child in a completely different way. 38 per cent said that their own father was their role model when it came to bringing up their children, and it is worth noting that fathers of over 12-year-olds agree less strongly with all statements than fathers of under 6-year-olds. Apparently, the older the children get, the less important their role as a father becomes for men overall. (The participants indicated their agreement with the statements on a scale from 1 (strongly disagree) to 5 (strongly agree). Percentages: Percentage of top values 4 and 5).
38 per cent of the fathers surveyed describe themselves as authoritarian.
Interestingly, their own father plays a decisive role for almost all fathers: 48 per cent distance themselves from him and consciously bring up their child in a completely different way. 38 per cent said that their own father was their role model when it came to bringing up their children.
Remarkably, fathers of over 12-year-olds agree less strongly with all statements than fathers of under 6-year-olds. Apparently, the older the children get, the less important their role as a father becomes for men overall.

(The participants indicated their agreement with the statements on a scale from 1 (strongly disagree) to 5 (strongly agree). Percentages: Percentage of top values 4 and 5).

8. what do you and your partner argue about?

The children's screen time leads to conflicts with their partner for more than one in three men surveyed. Even when the children are still small, media consumption is already a top source of conflict: one in four fathers with children under the age of six argue with their partner from time to time or regularly about their children's screen time.interesting: only 22 per cent of the men surveyed stated that childcare times were the cause of arguments. What is striking is that there are significantly fewer conflicts among younger parents up to the age of 40 than among older parents. And disputes clearly occur more frequently among married parents than among cohabiting couples or between separated parents.Remarkable: With the exception of parenting style, all sources of conflict most frequently lead to disputes when the father works less than 80 per cent of the time. (Percentage figures: Percentage of participants who stated that they had occasional or regular arguments with their partner about the topics mentioned).
The children's screen time leads to conflicts with their partner for more than one in three men surveyed. Even when the children are still small, media consumption is already a top source of conflict: one in four fathers with children under the age of six argue with their partner occasionally or regularly about their children's screen time.
Interestingly, only 22 per cent of the men surveyed stated that childcare times were the cause of arguments.
What is striking is that there are significantly fewer conflicts among younger parents up to the age of 40 than among older parents. And disputes are clearly more frequent among married parents than among cohabiting couples or between separated parents.
Remarkable: With the exception of the parenting style, all sources of conflict most frequently lead to disputes when the father works less than 80 per cent of the time.

(Percentage figures: Percentage of participants who stated that they occasionally or regularly had arguments with their partner about the topics mentioned).

9. in which moments do you feel happy as a father?

Most fathers cited joint activities and activities with the children as moments of happiness (17 per cent). Happy moments also include laughing, playing and cuddling together. And: If the children are happy, the fathers are happy too. 2 per cent of the fathers surveyed mentioned good school grades as a source of happiness. Interesting: When asked the opposite question, fathers most frequently mentioned arguments in the family (9 per cent) as unhappy moments. Only 3 per cent of respondents said they were unhappy when their child disobeyed them. (This was an open question: In which moments with your children do you feel happy? The font size corresponds to the proportion of responses to the key words).
Most fathers cited joint activities and activities with the children as moments of happiness (17 per cent). Happy moments also include laughing, playing and cuddling together. And: If the children are happy, so are the fathers.
Remarkable: Good grades at school only bring moments of happiness to 2 per cent of the fathers surveyed.
Interesting: When asked the opposite question, fathers most frequently mentioned arguments in the family (9 per cent) as unhappy moments. Only 3 per cent of respondents said they were unhappy when their child disobeyed them.

(This was an open question: In which moments with your children do you feel happy? The font size corresponds to the proportion of responses to the key words).

10. have you ever felt overwhelmed as a father?

64 per cent of the men surveyed stated that they sometimes feel overwhelmed as fathers. 64 per cent of the men surveyed stated that they sometimes feel overwhelmed as fathers. 64 per cent of the men surveyed stated that they sometimes feel overwhelmed as fathers. 64 per cent of the men surveyed stated that they sometimes feel overwhelmed as fathers. 64 per cent of the men surveyed stated that they sometimes feel overwhelmed as fathers. 64 per cent of the men surveyed stated that they sometimes feel overwhelmed as fathers. 64 per cent of the men surveyed stated that they sometimes feel overwhelmed as fathers.
64 per cent of the men surveyed stated that they sometimes feel overwhelmed as fathers.
Interestingly, this figure is very evenly spread across all socio-demographic groups - whether young or old, with young or older children, married or separated - around two out of three men occasionally or frequently feel helpless in their role as a father.

11 Where do you seek help when you are overwhelmed?

31 per cent of the fathers surveyed stated that they turn to their own parents for help with problems and parenting issues.interesting: only just over half of fathers (55 per cent) seek help from their partner when they are overwhelmed.
31 per cent of the fathers surveyed stated that they turn to their own parents for help with problems and parenting issues.
Interestingly, only just over half of fathers (55 per cent) seek help from their partner when they are overwhelmed.

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